Stories, Poems, & Blog (1)

severed reality

Revolving door forever spinning,
I don't know where to get off-
What is truth, this severed reality?
Trapped inside a circular maze
Of juxtaposed answers...
Every face, a stranger that knows me-
Yet I know nobody at all.

free fall of fear

I've let go of everything,
However the chips may fall-
Too many roads ahead
To even know where I am;
Who is the man I've become?
Descending, the sky is safe,
A friend I am leaving forever;
I'm in a free fall of fear,
I dont know if I will survive-
But I have to find the ground

love magnet

There will never be a day
When you dont pull
Love from my heart...

words are not enough

You are a light in this world,
I saw it for myself-
I was in the darkness,
And you touched me with your
Sweet, sweet spirit...
I wanted to get so close to you,
You had what I did not;
You will always be so special-
I thank you for your kindness,
And I will always love you.

fight back

I will not be bitter
No matter how hard life hurts-
I was never promised ease;
I will love when not loved,
And even serve those that hate...
This world will not decide
For me, how I should live!

counting days

Each day passing
Is another goodbye-
Yet every tomorrow
Holds on to hope-


The human touch
Mends a broken soul-
It cuts through a calloused
Heart that no longer feels;
False guilt is a subtle one,
It has so many faces
It can't be easily recognized-
But grace changes people
When it is not just voiced,
But radically demonstrated.

God's little ones

Touching the face of madness,
You can get a finger bit off!
Nevertheless, I am thankful
For once having been there & back-
God broke me open
And showed me other's pain;
Schizophrenics, manic depressives
Are his exceptional people-
While most of us are whiling in leisure,
They are daily fighting monsters...
They are God's gift to us
As stewards of his kindness.

life's hard

I've been to the edge,
And I've fought my way back-
Formidable walls have crept around me;
Been told my legs were useless,
That I'd never walk again-
Depression has become a confidante...
But I've beat down those walls,
And stood up to the odds-
I'll walk through the darkness
As I've done so many times;
Life's hard until it gets harder,
At times life's up for barter...
You gotta decide what's worth living for!


I am a needy person
In a self sufficient world-
I dont understand its coldness...
I'm told I'm "Codependent."
If I understand its terms,
It suggests one who tries
To intervene, & rescue others;
Not to put myself on his caliber,
But wouldn't that make
Jesus Christ, codependent?
I think the world
Has forgotten its humanness...

that December

That December
Still plays in my mind-
It resonates whenever
I drive by the place;
I remember each morning,
The pit of my stomach
A painful, nervous wreck!
No, it wasn't the coffee
I came inside for...
That December
Lives forever in my heart-
And so does
What I came inside for.

tinctures of time

The colors of the day
Are shaded by yesterday's brush-
We paint our lives with tinctures of time;
Tomorrow's hues are determined
By what we envisioned time preceding-
Born into a black and white world,
We are its aesthetic ingredient.

my mind is gone

I've lost my mind
And I dont care to find it-
It was a complete hindrance
To my way of thinking...
If you should happen to find it,
Give it to someone else;
Most people I know are
Double minded anyway!

dying just to survive

Born of an apparition, the heart makes believe and believes all things- stark naked and beautiful is honesty, from whence the heart first breathed; but as time matures, innocence is supplanted by the knowledge of pain- and pain is a cynical teacher... The heart begins to cower at the slightest emotion, and learns the art of survival... Cold and calculating, It predetermines every move from the point of enjury, And avoids love at all cost! The heart then merely functions as a bodily organ, and a mechanism to assure supremacy of natural selection; once naked, beautiful, & honest, It is now clothed in fear & narcissism; finding itself dying just to survive.

if I could start all over

If I could start all over,
We would be the best of friends-
My heart would not
Get dumped into your lap,
And instead, I'd be your advocate;
If only I could start all over,
Laughter would always be yours-
Not a tear from my eye
Would belong to you,
I'd keep my feelings in check;
If we should ever meet again,
I pray for that second chance-
And I wish I could apologize
For the past circumstance.


I've nobody to talk to-
I know plenty of people,
And plenty think they know me;
Empty words of exchange
Cut through my soul,
With their mundane blades-
I am a total wreck
And no one is stopping to watch;
I am so lonely inside
I am about to burst!
I never asked to be born,
And I hoped no one would die on me...
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

drug of choice

Cried out eyes
Burn with a broken voice-
Tortured tear ducts
Sting like a hangover;
Love, the drug of choice
For the habitual...
Euphoria and uncertainty,
Are all that become addictive;
Nevertheless, the sober cry less,
But die so much more subtly.

a blinding light

What did I do
To make you go away?
My heart begs for an answer...
I've tried to flip a switch
And turn it all off,
But it's a blinding light
That forever burns...
And It gets in my eyes often,
Till I can't see anything else;
This unanswered question
Will forever impede my life-
Because you mean everything.

eternally the end

Never seeing you again
Is my end to life-
You touched me so deep,
All is shallow without you;
I cry everyday, my love,
With tears you'll never see-
With words you've yet to hear...
To love you would be
All I've ever known about love;
Never seeing you again,
Is eternally the end...

dying everyday

When you need the one you want,
You die everyday they're not with you-
And when they despise you,
You learn to hate yourself as well...
I have loved her with so much pain
I dont want joy with anyone else.
Oh God, I can't live anymore
With what I cannot have!

heaven came to earth

In the midst of mourning,
Peace has found my soul-
Lift up, oh heart of mine,
My broken tongue, extol!

So loved beyond measure,
I feign to understand-
Why God took my place,
To be murdered as a man.

Grateful is an understatement
I've no complaint to tell-
Twas buried in the feces of vice,
I was already in living Hell.

But Heaven came to earth one day,
And gathered up my life-
The tentacles of tragedy
Were snared along with strife.

And now I live for the one who is,
And was and is to come-
Whom all blessings, he gives to all,
No matter where you're coming from.

eyes that never die

Eyes that never die,
They remain afresh
With every sweet memory-
How they kept me guessing...
Someone so precious
That I'll treasure each moment;
Gone, but still remain
Are eyes that will never die.

dear mom

In your absence-
I have learned so much about love...
I now see it an expensive commodity,
That requires a quid pro quo;
But you loved in our poverty,
When all we could return to you was
Hungry mouths, and outgrown
Clothes upon our unwashed backs-
The world is an angry & cruel orb,
But a mothers love makes it livable;
Her hands reach for our children
Everytime our arms embrace them

wayward stranger

The heart is a wayward stranger,
You'll never know its wildest intent-
You can't tell it what to do,
It just does what it well pleases;
A lamplight to lead you astray
When home is a safer destiny...
It foolishly gets itself broken
After the mind has warned it of such,
Yet surmises its only misunderstood;
The heart is a wayward stranger,
A fool I would never dare befriend

life anew

Sometimes you die for years-
Slowly, a little more each day...
Never showing any signs of pain,
Even laughing your days away.

Some may think they know you,
They may even call you friend-
But foriegn to your slightest tear,
When it comes to thick and thin.

The pain of losing a loved one
When you've given all of your whole,
Is a kind of death that never dies,
That forever kills your soul.

The heart is a hunter & gatherer,
It preys upon mutual loneliness-
And when one heart surrenders to another,
Life anew, tears will never suppress.

desolation depot

I see the world go by
Like a train too fast to hop aboard;
Loneliness is my station.

someday soon

The damage done-
Damage done forever...
You hide in my misery,
And laugh in my pain;
My face is your handiwork,
Known for your sins-
I will not pick up the tab,
You'll pay someday soon...
When your shit has hit the wind.

frayed strands

You hurt the one's that I loved best,
I will not stand down any longer!
Fight to the death if need be,
No fear is a left inside me to tremble...
My God will avenge me for the years
You have cast the locusts upon me;
Please, do laugh!
Priceless is the face of utter surprise...
I will be exonerated from your deeds,
Even if I should have to die proving it-
I'm at the end of my rope,
Holding onto frayed strands.

expensive mistakes

You can have it all,
I will not fight for it-
What's yours is yours for a season-
Death will not destroy my spirit,
You've only killed the pain;
God knows who you are,
And knows your evil deeds;
Now you must deal with him!
No rock will hide you...
You can have it all,
I hope you've measured the cost.

when the hammer falls

Okay, I've had enough,
You've killed me twice over-
Took away friends I dearly loved;
Have you had enough?
Tears are not enough for you,
You'd have me in the grave...
Someday the hammer of justice
Will fall upon your self righteous head,
Your cohorts will scatter like snakes...
But my God will lift my soul
And I will find peace in his arms.

victory is theirs

Everyday is a little deeper-
So slowly the knife purges
Me of any hope and friendship;
It can't get much bleaker,
Ah, but so it does daily...
If I could just disappear,
I'd restore the applecart;
Some would be surely glad...
They have finally won!

caught in a moment

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Lucky luminous rays of sun
Clamored to fall upon her hair,
As time fled from all measure;
So graced by her shadow upon
My unworthy presence,
I stood dumbfounded as she passed...
Parted lips might've said, I love you,
But mine just smiled stupidly;
As she drove away with my heart,
I knew I'd never see it ever again.

the human heart

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

An empty bellies worth
Of gluttonous hunger!
The human heart is a beggar...
A vagrant scavenger that
Dines with a silver spoon;
Eyes never to be satiated,
It wants more than it's worthy of,
Yet consumes all that it's worth-
Too much of nothing
Is more than the heart can bear;
For its poverty is everything...
And nothing is worth dying for.

things forgotten

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What frees the mind
Are things forgotten,
Just like unleashed steam-
The mind is a survivor,
It knows unresolved pain
Is a threat to its core;
It only savors its rewards...
The death of a spouse,
Or the loss of a friend-
The mind suffers a season;
As time consoles the brain,
It releases soothing tears
That sift into things forgotten...
And allows life to renew

monkey business

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

False culpability is a monkey
That will cling to your back-
The problem with this primate
Begins with one tempting banana;
Never feed a guilty conscience...
Monkey see- a learned behavior-
Monkey do- a hard lesson learned;
Kill the monkey & free the soul,
The Lord knows you are human...
Only the devil will try to 'ape' you.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Dodging the enemy,
Protect me from myself-
A war waged with shadows...
Watch where you step,
Every thought's a minefield;
A battle inside none understand;
Dear God, please bring peace!

beautiful afterthought

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Things we didn't say
Are the loudest remembered-
They reoccur in the mind
With volume to the heart;
Words we didn't share
We will always recall;
Yes, intimacy is most often
A beautiful afterthought.

wasted tears

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I've got a bucketful
Of wasted tears-
Of things that I cannot help
Over the years;
Tears over those
Who can only care less,
Tears over things
That are left to redress;
I've got a bucketful
Of wasted tears-
It's getting mighty full
Over the years;
But I've had enough,
And I'll toss them to the sea-
Where every tear is sacred,
And gathered lovingly.

breaking point

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Broken shards-
Pieces never again to fuse...
Discombobulated butchery
Of emotions, that beg for peace;
Blood on the saddle
Of a horse that has no rider-
Be it all for naught that
All is shattered within my soul;
For ambivalence is my lamplight,
and I know not where to go!


As an owner of a recording studio, its unfathomable that The Beatles recorded probably the most iconic pop album of all time, Sgt Pepper, on only 4 tracks! It still brings chills to me when I listen to it. Music students a hundred years from now will be studying it alongside side Tchaikovsky's, 1812 Overture. Our parents simply made the same mistake as critics did when Tchaikovsky performed, The Rite of Spring. It was lambasted; in fact, it was so revolutionary, that when it was first performed it caused a violent riot. Today it is hailed as a masterpiece. John Lennon once joked avant garde was a French word meaning bullshit. Certainly some innovative music has been dismissed as such. But if history follows it's current trend, the likes of Yoko Ono will, to much hesitation today, more than likely be hailed a genius ions from now.

love in retrospect

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

In retrospect of weathering days,
Twas love that eroded my heart-
Solitude's painfully penetrating prod;
A mercy that hindsight would impart.

To love is such a fool's pandora,
And to the wiseman, a cardinal sin-
But one man's wisdom is another's folly;
And loneliness, the fool's one less friend.

Love can be dangerous, love can be kind-
A risk the heart is often prone to take-
The wise just while away in quiet repose;
But the fool lives to love, for God's sake!


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I am dead...
Bled of all emotion-
No one to share
Whatever was there...
Desperate to be loved,
I am self destructive;
A trainwreck in utero.

time is so cruel

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Time is so cruel!
I'll never know what
I did to make you run-
I never knew where I stood;
The heart is stubborn,
And wants what it wants-
You were so important,
You'll just never know
How desperately so!
Oh friend, I miss you
As if I were missing
All four limbs...
You'll never come back,
And I'll never know why.

words unsaid

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Nothing said
Will never mend-
Will never know
What could be;
Words unsaid
Are dreamkillers-
For the heart is useless
Unless it is voiced.

a bridge crossed

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

There is none like you!
A hole remains where
You once stood in my life-
You were the friend
I needed, when there wasn't one;
A bridge between two safe zones...
Now you're gone, but not really;
Your memory warms me
With your smile and laughter-
Thank you for something so special.

an enigma

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What time has flagrantly stolen
Will one day be returned,
And all that should have been
Shall not have to be yearned-

Of all the pain I've ever endured,
Twas this that wounded my soul-
I've died and died and died again,
And only one thing can make me whole-

But freedom costs as much as chains,
So I'll choose my master carefully-
Whichever one is my loyal servant,
I will tend to him faithfully...

Time is simply running out on time,
And the four winds are but a whimper-
Yet all that is left inside remains,
And has flowered since that one December...

many love you

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Many love you-
For they see facets of the jewel
That was cut so perfectly...
You, my love, are priceless!
I have always known you,
And will know you eternally;
Many love you-
I'm just a face in the crowd,
But my heart is always your home.

my reason

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Thank you for touching my life-
You are the one that allowed
My heart to love so freely;
Yes, you became the purpose
For the music, and my inspiration-
You woo my empty spirit
And furnish it a mystical muse;
Your beauty, my reason for breath.

hand In hand

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My heart resides in you,
It will never leave your presence-
My eyes may never look upon
Yours joining mine in a gaze,
My touch may never know
The warmth of your soma-
But my heart intimately knows
The breath of your beautiful soul;
They walk together hand in hand, daily.

lone wolf

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I've burned all trolls along my bridges,
They will never determine my fate again!
Past mistakes, are my mistakes...
Lessons learned, or to the past I'll return,
My compass will be my own fortitude;
Steps now taken by well worn soles
Forward the path that chooses my way.

still alive

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I wish my mother was still alive...
Everything I said was golden,
And I could do absolutely no wrong-
My poetry was fire from heaven,
And my humor, her panacea...

I wish my father was still alive...
He was my advocate in hard times,
And buddy like no other friend-
My music was his own life's endeavor,
And my humor, his genetic sway...

Now I am left alone yet still alive...
I find it hard to say the right things,
And it's even harder to find a friend-
I write to confront all the pain inside,
And my humor, now has a bitter bite.

barely clinging

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I cried in the absence of your arms,
I held them so gently and desperate-
You are all I have left to hold onto...


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A vacancy in purpose-
Depths so deep,
Darkness fears to tread;
Void is hope's hunger!
Mental lions of laughter
Mock the very thought
Of Morning's offer of a new day,
And intimate the stark
Offerings of mortal eventide.

growing old

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Autumn creeps like a hungry stalker,
I am but its prey caught in transience-
Such little time to love as I live...
Growing old paints by numbers
The role I must now accept-
Days of the past are chimeras,
Along with those whose
Lives only live in reveries of yore;
They are the intangible treasures
That I harbor in my beating heart...
Still each new day God offers me
Are like diamonds in the rough,
Depending how I choose to cut them.


I am suffering from the constipation of words... My brain is full of ideas, but no matter how hard I strain, only the littlest terms painfully void, after sitting for the longest time. I've gone days without writing much of anything! They say nothing unplugs writers block like inspiration. But unfortunately, it's a rare commodity that's limited, and comes and goes. However, I do have plenty of coffee; and if its strong enough, that just might help!

nothing more

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

It's all contrived!
I can't write anymore-
The soul has its limits,
And I have squeezed it dry;
The sun has set on my
Bloodsoaked bones-
There's nothing more to vomit
But the redundancy of sighs...


Seven Springs Sound's website is now up!

the universal language

I was talking to a station in Sao Paulo Brazil on my ham radio station a minute ago, and he didn't speak very good English. When I told him I was in Oklahoma, he got excited, and tried to explain in a mixture of Portuguese and English, something about my state and a movie he saw. After getting flustered trying to be understood, he broke out in a crude melody of, "Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day." Evidently he had seen the movie, "Oklahoma." I tried to explain that it was filmed in Hollywood. He then thought I was in California. I tried to explain further, but it was totally useless, he had no idea where I was, at this point. After the long & terrible confusion, we both cracked up in laughter, as laughter is a universal language anyone can understand...

my sons childhood

Two of my fondest memories from my sons childhood: One is when he was only four years old, and we were in line at the bank. In front of us was a very scrawny, pimply young caucasian man, with an afro, that looked like it was combed with a mixer that morning. The line was long and quiet. Aaron suddenly spied the young man, pointed at him, and excitedly announced, "Hey, Dad, it's Bob Dylan!!!" Everyone in the bank looked around except for Bob. I immediately took Aaron by the hand, and embarrassed, started walking toward the door. "But Dad, you should get his autograph!" Aaron insisted. Everyone was laughing, as the door closed behind us. He was so elated, I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth for years. Then there was the time when he was only three. I was putting his shoes on him one morning. For some reason, he picked one up and threw it at my face. I got upset, and he surprised me with, "Oh, I forgot, you're a son-of-a-bitch!" Needless to say, my jaw was ajar and I was totally speechless. His mother quickly took care of the situation. There are too many stories to tell herein. I'll just close by saying my son's childhood was quite entertaining to me....

whatever your circumstances


What a good God we have. I can personally say that, in view of the fact that at this time last year, I was told I would never walk again without a Walker. I almost died in the hospital a year ago, in January, because I stopped breathing, and was put on a respirator. This makes the fourth time in my life I've come close to death. Yet I'm still ticking, and I walk straighter today after the surgery that set me back for awhile. All through my life God has allowed me to go through challenges you wouldn't believe, and He has always come through. Whatever your circumstances, it's NEVER impossible.

child of wonder

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hunger of the mind
Nourishes a healthy life-
The mind, an amazing
Door to new worlds unseen...
To be as a child of wonder
A man must surrender self,
And see his world as existential;
Only then can he learn about it.

words bubble up

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I thrill for writing of you-
Words bubble up,
And I love to love you through
The words of many years;
My heart is yours always,
And always was yours to break...
My odes to the one I love
Are my saving grace in this life,
Thank God I found you!


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

To tangle myself in her hair
Would be the epitome of ecstacy,
Such dreams I'll never know-
Dream, nonetheless!
My woman of dreams-
I may never finger her tress
With my loving hand,
Yet my heart she has tangled
Like the strands of my mind.

the essence of who you are

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The essence of you
Cannot be imitated-
Every drop of you
Is aflame with style;
You are uniquely creative
And aflare with imagination...
No, there is none like you,
And I so love who you are!


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

If I were a painter,
You would always
Be my muse...
A painter I am not,
My muse you are;
My muse to amuse...
The very look of you
Is fire on my skin-
Sooth me with your
Sweet ways, oh woman,
How I wish you were
Aware of my love for you.

my sole treasure

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I will always, forever know you-
The wild wind cannot carry
Away our friendship...
Although I have never won
Your beautiful heart,
It remains my sole treasure;
Sweet woman, my sister-
The one who took my eyes
And gave them such pleasure,
How I wish we could have been.

little bit of big

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

There's a little bit of big
In the little things we say,
Especially to the littlest ones-
Who make big in their minds
Things that we think little of,
Like lifes little riddles & puns.

nothing to write

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

An untitled prose of poetry
Without words, or meaning-
I sit with blank stare,
Thoughts abandon me
Like a terrible mother...
In every attempt vanity
Strikes a bitter blow-
Bated breath begs a sigh
As I close the book,
And call it a pointless day.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Walking away from my heart,
I face the reality of things-
Nevermore to entertain
A single thought of love & desire...
Hurt more than one can imagine
Is now buried deep in my thick skin-
Rejection is a friend of mine,
She knows me like no other;
How sweet her gift of tears...


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Silver spoon-fed lies
Pushed down our throats,
The name of the game-
Divide and conquer...
Red line, blue line,
Either way, toe the line;
You're free to think
That you're absolutely free,
So long as you follow-
A two party system,
A monopoly of thought;
Think for yourself
And you pose a danger...
You are a person,
Not a collective-
Be assertive as one.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I'm nobody's child,
An orphan at birth-
I've paid my way to paradise,
But got off at purgatory;
My name isn't what they call me,
And for what its worth-
I left my home to find peace of mind
Only to discover fragments of hope;
I'm the scapegoat for all your woes,
Albeit, I'll sweat for less-
Yes, this is the land of opportunity,
I see it so much clearer than you...
If you don't want to dream,
Move over, I'll take your burden!

the finish line

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Time is on nobody's side,
It's a fact you must face-
Were all approaching the finish line,
Yet were all losing the race.
Where does it go when its gone,
Does it return unto the void?
What would you do with it anyway
If the end you could avoid?
Time is a cycle of life and death,
Your just a part of the simple plan-
Your nothing but another number
Lest you know the Son of man.
Trust in him and know eternity,
For he holds the keys to life-
He is the only Son of God,
So trust him as your Christ.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Walk away-
It's time to sever the rope...
I've been dangling willingly
Like a condemned suicidal,
Yet freedom is mine at His mercy;
The light blinds only those
Coming from out of the darkness-
At least my eyes are blind,
Awaiting His healing salve;
How lucky are the lost
Who have been found.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A new leaf has turned,
A sprout has sprung as a tree-
The hand of God has turned
The tide, my boat safely ashore;
My savior, my threefold eternity...
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Three different persons in one-
You took the dirt from outta
My blood, all iniquity is gone!

the obvious lover

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The wounded heart often
Draws blood from the
Vericos veins of rejection;
Once revitalized, it suckles
From the teet of self pity...
Both naked and guarded,
It then boasts a self sufficiency
That neither fools itself,
Nor its object of affection.

giving myself a good talking to

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

It's time to grow up,
Mommy and daddy are dead-
The world will never be the same
And there are no substitutes!
Get out of the garden,
It only belongs to posterity...
Time marches to a swift death-
Don't look back anymore
But plant your future harvest,
That it may replenish
That which the past has stolen.

two gods

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Two gods upon the alter,
Pride and passion-
My soul a harlot,
I've sold it for confetti!
I cannot return to the womb-
Surrender all, and all is gain;
Lord, build a hedge
Around my stubborn will,
That I may only do your will.

a road has ended

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I've had my way till now,
I've reaped the bitter fruit-
My compass broken,
Eyes plucked by grackles;
Helpless, blind, & lame,
I find myself on my knees...
My will is broken for you,
I will follow, my sweet Lord,
Upon glass I will crawl-
A road has ended,
A path has just begun...

a prayer

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hello, my friend-
Do you know how much I love you?
I often think of you, and though you
Are not in my life, I pray for you;
You will never know how precious
You are to my heart...
Someday, in God's Heaven,
We will be the friends we were meant
To have been all along.
I pray this touches your spirit...

freedom from religion

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Martin Luther never intended to break away from the catholic church, he merely intended to reform it. He was excommunicated by Pope Leo X in 1529. Narrowly escaping death by burning at the stake, because of Leo's liberal leanings, he formed, "The Evangelical Church," shortly after his ouster. He disavowed his celibacy as a priest, and married a nun quite defiantly. Luther loved beer, famously did a large part of his biblical study on the toilet (because of chronic constipation, which he blamed on the devil), and took well known beer drinking songs, and turned them into hymns; many of which we sing in church today. In spite of his request that they not memorialize him upon his death, by naming the church after him once he died, they went ahead and lionized him by remaining it the Lutheran Church.
Today, it is one of the largest protestant churches with 80 million world wide followers. One wonders what would have transpired had there not been a Luther and Leo X. However, many other protestant movements in Europe arose after Luther, and small holy wars broke out among factions. The most persecuted minority sect were the Anna Baptists, who were persecuted by all, because of their antigovernment and anti war sentiment (a far cry from what the Baptists of today represent). I believe Luther was a sincere man in his faith, like many during a time when the world was quite volatile, however history shows us what happens when we choose religion, over the one who freed us from it.

miserably happy

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I'll never stop loving you,
I'm infected, and it has spread from my heart!
I'll never die, for I have something
To live forever and ever for...
My love for you is not contagious,
Although many claim to have the disease,
It is quarantined between you and me;
I am sick with love and am miserably happy.

I can't give you the world

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I've held you in a thousand dreams,
I've loved you passionately in every one-
But dreams are my only path into your arms;
How can I make you love me?
There is no one I need more than you,
Yet you are so self sufficient...
I can't give you the world,
I can only love you like no other.

a giant hole

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

When you are hated by a loved one,
There are no poetic pretty words-
Just a very sad feeling forever yours...
You can't cover it up with the external,
You're only left, day to day, internalizing
That there is nothing you can do...
A giant hole you drag around your heart
That you can never quite crawl out of.

hopeless diversion

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I've waded in the pain of pity
Where the sky burns with regret,
While drowning in a downpour
Of decisions I can't make;
I belong to the hope of tomorrow,
But I am fostered by today's fears-
It's easy to burden ones self
With total incapacity and immobility...
If I free myself, I am captive
To having nothing but motivation;
A responsibility I may not want-
For hopelessness can be a diversion.

under a spell

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

When you're a fool
Love comes so easy,
You fall under a spell
By the light of the moon
That howls at the heart...
Trade the truth for a lie,
Bleeding all just to give
And dying just trying to live.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I give up,
The river has run its course-
Nowhere to empty these
Empty pockets of emptiness;
I'll just fill them with broken dreams...
Scattered whims of yesterday
Have come to roost.

what you think, so you are

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

When I think of all that I am,
I realize all that I am not-
But I am not sure of what
I am when I am not sure...
Perhaps I am just confused
Or maybe just indecisive,
But I am sure of one thing;
I become all that I realize
When I think what I think.

my eternal lover

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The first time I saw you,
I knew I loved you-
Your eyes told me
Everything about you;
How I wanted to just
Reach out and touch you...
My eternal lover, though
I've never so much as held you,
I live for dreaming of you.

light looms

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Silent in the moonlight
Lay the pieces of my heart,
Broken and scattered,
And emptied of all life...
There's not a breath to be;
When, all at once, light looms,
As I focus upon eyes so lovely-
A heart once so broken,
Now regathered, and fiercely
Determined, as fire to wood.

you know

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

You move me like no other-
You belong in my loving arms
Where I want to keep you always;
I will not leave this earth without you!
All that you are, is all I need & want,
And there ain't no mystery...
You know who you are!

my heart's proprietor

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

When I gaze upon her,
My imagination is stirred!
My fingers surfing her strands,
My lips savoring her sweet face-
My woman of dreams,
She is my heart's proprietor;
It is not up for sale!


Look on the video page to see a very funny interview I did with a certain Singer/Songwriter at Seven Springs Sound studio.

my sweet love

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A woman like no other-
You are my only desire
In a world full of luring;
How I want to hold you so...
My sweet love, my heart
Beats to the rhythm of your name-
A name that is music to my soul;
My spirit sings it out in the night
In hope that it reaches you...
To kiss you, as you lay sleeping.

the healing

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I've paid the price of freedom,
I'm indebted in return-
Time still marches on
While its hand has slowly turned.
I'm left without a sorrow,
But years of deep regret-
I can't remember what I did,
But you, I'll never forget.
Twas in the days of confusion,
The fog has dissipated-
You were all I could barely see
In a world so emasculated.
Your hand stripped from me
As a child from a mother,
I needed you in my fateful hour,
There simply was no other.
But time has healed the gaping wound
That was there before we met,
Layers of skin have finally grown,
The pain, I've learned to forget;
Seasons of my life are fewer
As I count the years ahead,
But for the purpose, I'll never regret,
Why in my life you were led.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Is it any wonder
That tears are still
Falling from outta eyes
Refusing to see
The cold truth, neath
The bitter moon
That howls in the night-
While orchestrated
By the moaning
Of your heart...

distant friend

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Knowing you are there
Is life's one treasure-
Though a distant friend,
My love is there for you;
I am never to go anywhere
Without taking you with me,
Forever you are in my stead.

boldly think

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Turn around and follow your steps,
Were they where you meant to go?
Determine your direction, & go forth-
A host of aimless passersby
Unfortunately maneuver this world,
And lead us all into deception;
Be a horse of a different color!
Thinking is more dangerous
Than even advocating free speech;
For it's one thing to speak of fire,
It's another to ignite an infectious flame....
So retrace your steps fiercely,
And walk boldly with an open mind.


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Caught in the light
I am revealed-
Even my goodness
Is shamed & discounted;
I am a hopeless sod!
Yet I am loved reverently,
And am clothed in mercy-
For what I am, He was;
And what He was, is risen!

stray bullets

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Misfired words come to mind,
And we tend to forget about stray bullets-
This one was, however, self inflicted;
Does the wound cause you much pain?
I realize your intended target...
Sorry I moved.

two new scotty e videos

detaining for dollars

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

In 2015 there were over 120,000 private prisons in America. In what began as an effort to alleviate the burden on the tax payer, I believe we have created a much worse sinister problem. I'm all for capitalism, I believe it is the best economic system on the planet. But in this case, it is capitalism at its worst. Prisons are being built at an explosive rate in this country of late. We incarcerate more of our population now than at any time in our history. Are we becoming more common at lawbreaking? The answer is yes. But you have to take into consideration of all of the new laws that are written every year! This does not excuse common crimes such as robbery, theft, murder, and so on. Before 1875, there were no anti drug laws in this country. In that year, San Francisco passed a law making it a misdemeanor to be caught smoking opium in a Chinese opium den. The law was more anti Chinese than anti drug, you could get opium at any pharmacy over the counter. Heroin was once an over the counter painkiller. These drugs were readily available, and there was not the epidemic you have today. My point is that certain laws are directly related to a problem, rather than a cure. And by privatizing prisons, you create a need to create capital, thereby needing to create more prisoners to make a profit. Basically, it's no better than human trafficking, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not arguing for totally ending prohibition of illegal drugs, I'm saying be careful and realize that these users would be better served in hospitals getting help, instead of being hustled around like cattle for dollars. That would decrease the prison populations for real criminals such as big time dealers, so that the federal government could do its job. Capitalism was created for the common man to benefit himself and his family, not at the cost of human dignity, no matter who is in question.

dare to believe

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The gift of life
Is ours to have,
If we simply give it back-
You must decrease to increase,
For what is in you
Is greater than
The greatest number-
Your weakness
Is His complete strength...
But faith is trusting
With total ignorance
Like a helpless child,
As we are sheep among wolves;
Yet death has been broken!

the one that I love

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The one that I love
Is all that matters-
If I own the Earth
And have not her eyes,
I have nothing at all;
Muse of my heart,
I delight in her ways...
The essence of beauty
Is aflame in her body;
How I desire to be burned.

facing myself

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I came across myself today,
I was looking under the weather-
I asked myself what was wrong,
But I didn't answer me...
I asked myself again, what's wrong,
I just looked at me and stared;
So I walked away, but I followed-
This angered me and I turned around,
But all I did was again, stop and stare;
I approached me and I asked,
Am I the only one that's confused?
I laughed at myself for my stupidity
And didn't answer the question...
Scratching my head, I am at a loss,
For I find myself literally beside myself,
And am feeling most alone...

a lesson learned

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Withered & torn,
My discernment like
A leaf of winter-
Blown by every wind,
Matted in the gutter;
It need be anchored,
And I less gullible-
And watch out for
The likes of Tom Foolery!

I want her

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The sweet touch of her,
I can only imagine...
I dreamt it for more years
Than I have ever breathed-
She is my first love,
The one that was, and is;
My soul cries out for her
In the darkness of night,
And reaches out to her...
I belong when I look into
The depths of her eyes-
The truth is written boldly!
I have always loved her,
How I want her so...
But my desire may outlive me.

I belong to dreams

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I came upon a face one day
That reached inside of me,
She was like no other-
I was smitten by her eyes
That told me of many things;
I wanted this woman!
But she was as free
As the sunshine on my skin-
She belonged to dreams...
My love grew over the years,
Though she was loved by many-
But my heart knows no other;
Time has told me again & again
That she is never to be mine,
Yet I love like there is no tomorrow-
And today, I belong to dreams.

worthless heart

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Lost in desires
Never to be fulfilled,
A heart fighting a lost cause-
How I want to be so loved...
I have loved with fire
And have been burned,
A flame begs to ignite;
I am never going to
Taste the sweetness
I so thirst for...
Worthless heart, why
Do you beat so boldly?

my companions

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Deeper into what's inside of me,
Loneliness has kept a home-
Emptiness is my closest friend;
Not to complain, however,
My companions know me best...
Though sorrows are often,
I am content in my heartaches-
For pain is a constant teacher
And I am learning her tenets;
The school of life varies in degrees,
What I would not have learned otherwise


(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The entirety of nothing,
If anything, is everything
To do with something-
You can take anything,
And make something
Of it, when everything
Is just really nothing;
But something that's
Everything is not just
Anything. And if that
Don't make sense...
it's really nothing...

two miseries

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Torn between two miseries
I choose to live for love,
I am not strong enough
To die in the face of lonliness-
A fool, yes I am a fool!
Life is my voice,
But love is its vibrato-
I will never cease to quest;
Somewhere love is mine


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Loneliness begs the question
Of uncertainty, while the heart,
Hidden in delusions of grandeur,
Seeks out on a uncharted course
Of self destruction, a self fulfilling
Prophecy made by no one but
Fate alone- loneliness, the driving
Force in all things love, then returns
To lick it's wounds, only to love
Again another day; love and
Lonliness are interchangeable,
They cannot exist one without
The other...

my only vision

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

When darkness fell,
You were my only vision-
My inspiration, my strength;
I've loved you dearly ever since...
Thank you, my dear friend,
For the years of sweet song.

fill me again

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

You tamed the raging sea,
The chaos inside of me-
Peace is the woman's touch...
The bitter cup is filled with wine-
How sweet the taste of life;
Fill me again,  Oh sweet lady,
I thirst with satisfaction!

four deka

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

How be it so
That such is my heart,
Indebted to the one I love?
For she has owned it
For as long as four deka-
Surely it must belong to her...
The thrill of her eyes in mine
As I gaze at her likeness,
Takes me into her soul
Where I live again...


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Never to return again,
Words that slip- forever radiate...
Distant ears, like antennas,
Eagerly receive the negative energy
And recharge tired, yet anxious lips;
Before long, your words, though slightly altered,
Will be rebroadcast far and wide
On every social network you can imagine;
Yes, the mouth is a transmitter,
And their are plenty ready to tune in & listen...
Think before you go on the air.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Trying to find you in a thousand eyes,
I finally come to rest in your heart-
Oh, my dearest one, you are the touchstone,
My life was carved from out of your shadow;
I live and love for you...
Nevertheless we live together separately,
My heart is housed in watch of you always-
A love that will outlive our flesh,
I will one day hold you with all of my love!
Eternity is worth waiting for,
If I'm am to wait for one so beautiful as you...
Hold onto my heart until that day as collateral,
For it never belonged to anyone but you!

Two souls

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Two souls that belong-
Though they are Seperated,
They are always one...
There is no distance
Between those that love-
They speak the same language
Even though they may not speak;
For their love speaks for them.

anything but predictable

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The sun, reversed one year a hundred fold, shone that morning in the cracks of dawn, like a fire in the sky. Yet even ever so fiery in her eyes, as she told him she loved him for the very first time. Time was irrelevant, as was their surroundings, as he immediately embraced her and passionately locked his lips upon hers. It was already a sultry summer morning, but the temperature rose that much higher, as everyone stood gawking. But they didn't care, they had found one other, at last. The world had transformed in just a few heart palpitations for two young lovers. Life is an unpredictable ride, black can turn to white in the flicker of an eye; or visa versa. Whatever your circumstances, be vigilant yet have faith...

Your song

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

When I'm in your song,
I feel so much love-
I lay in your loving bosom
With my arms about you,
My angel of mercy covers me...
The sweetest love, so pure-
My dayspring in the darkness,
You are so dear to my heart;
Sweet woman, your song
Is my heart's treasure & blood-
You are a gift to my soul
As it entwines with yours...
Such beauty, ethereal & majestic,
You are all that womanhood
Can come close to aspire to!
Love is always yours to have,
Though we have never met-
You are my closest friend.

the black and white of it

Elvis' first album was his finest. Thereafter, Colonel Parker took his career downhill as far as I'm concerned. What with his cheesy B rated movies, and basically just a more hip version of Pat Boone. This album, however, showcased his ability to emulate the blues music he grew up with. Had he continued in this vain, Elvis would have been taken more serious as a musician and blues singer. Many critics have stated that had Buddy Holly lived, Elvis would simply have been an afterthought. In my opinion, Elvis was simply the right white person who legitimized black music in America. Blues until that time was considered, "the devil's music," probably for no more than rascist reasons. But Elvis basically "Christianized" it. He did not face the same, albeit minimal, scrutiny the Beatles faced with their long hair. He was cute, wholesome, and patriotic, and people for the most part, didn't think his swivel hips antics were too threatening. He was in essence the antithesis of a rocknroll idol as we know one today. He could have been more than what he was ironically and musically, if Colonel Parker had not controlled his career. As far as the king of rocknroll? Maybe he did archieve superstardom, but in my opinion, that moniker should go to those that really invented the genre, such as Little Richard, Chuck Berry, or the like. But of course, they were all less than white. Just the way I see it...

sanctified & redeemed

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The tide has turned,
I've set sail towards tomorrow-
I finally found the way;
Years spent in total blindness
Have taught my eyes to see...
There, on the hill of the 7 crosses,
Lies my perfect imperfection,
Sanctified and redeemed-
How be it ever so possible?
Giving all and owing nothing,
I am free to spend life chained;
Yet bound, I am my masters freedman...

my studio

I miss my mom and dad, but everyday that I come to the studio, I feel their spirits; for they, along with my uncle, made it all possible. It's like the studio actually embodies their souls as it is a living, breathing entity to me. Because of this, Seven Springs Sound is my passion and my mission. I see it as not only a place to make great music, but in the spirit of my generous parents, a place to minister to people in ways that aid them emotionally, or even spiritually. We've got wonderful people working for us with big hearts. I know my mom, dad, and my uncle are all smiling down on us.

live today

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The worst of this life looks beautiful
From the distant shores of destiny-
Though we see through a glass sparkly,
And assume that tomorrow's eyes
Will look back favorably upon us,
We stand in the balance of pure fate;
Live today, and hold on to what's good-
For today is all that you really have...
Tomorrow is just a hope and a prayer,
 And yesterday is but a vapor lost in the wind.

coming to terms with aging

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I've given up on the sweet song of life,
It sings no more for me-
The dream was dreamt and slept upon,
But I've no more dreams or songs inside;
Youth was wasted on fear,
And now I fear I've wasted all...
Time is a pick pocketer of worth,
What good am I at this point?

an awkward moment

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Words I cannot say
Are the only ones
I am I left to say-
They tickle the tongue
And flirt with the lips,
Yet they have no breath;
How I hunger to free them...
Would it not be for a sigh,
I would say nothing at all.

a battlefield of thoughts

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

What's on the mind
Determines what's in the mind,
And what's in the heart
Decides whether or not it stays...
Things I want to forget
Revisit in the night,
Weave their paths of fear-
But the one who owns my heart,
Will never take flight-
And yet take hold and steer!
What I think in my heart
So I am as a man...
My mind, a battlefield of thoughts,
But my heart, my command center-
With my Captain at the helm.

where is she?

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

To touch the lips of splendor
In a restless kiss of passion,
My heart awaits in desire-
To love as I have never loved,
My soul aches for a fire
That both burns and satisfies;
I want to grasp my lover
And hold her till eternity past,
When the heavens heave a sigh
And give up the ghost...
Where is she, this love of mine?
I will not rest without you in my arms.

hidden in your peace

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

You were always there
Deep inside of me-
You've never left me...
How I've always
Wanted to really know you,
My sweet guardian-
Years I have spent
Hidden in your peace;
My heart always belongs to you...
It will never leave
Watch of you, sweet lady.

is there such a place to hide?

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

So full of puns & riddles,
Yet I am so empty-
Oh, to be filled with the affirming
Assurance of loving words,
To be held in esteem
In the arms of sweet love...
Oh, I'd embrace the delusion
With all the trust that I could muster!
To worship and adore,
And seek the salvation
Of a loving woman...
Is there such a place to hide?
If not, I must humor my way
Through hell as I am wont to do.

pouring water Over dead flowers

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

You tell me it's over,
I haven't yet begun-
And I'm pouring water
Over dead flowers...
What burns in me
Now self consumes-
You walked away,
And forever ended
A wanted friendship...
A December that continues
Always in my heart;
You left a gaping hole
That only you can fill-
I beg you, please come back!


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

While in the Sunshine, stop and remember the rain; and be thankful for the change in weather... the sun will shine that much brighter.

not gone

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I will always love you-
You will forever own
A piece of my heart;
Eyes I will never again
Look into have burned
Into my memory...
You are with me always.

sweet remembrance

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

In the beginning of the end
Of all there is to bear,
All is forgiven-
Nothing but sweet remembrance
Is left as a lone survivor
Among forgotten bitterness;
Two paths have forked
Many months passed,
But may you find your way
Neith the hand of God.

Studio tour video

Go to the video page to see a guided tour through Seven Springs Sound studio...

NEW life

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A fading rose,
What's done is done-
Once plucked
There's no going back;
A heart now mended...
Yesteryear is forever near,
But tears have now ended.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A poem a day,
As they all say,
Will keep the doctor away-

Its good therapy,
And it's all for free,
And no one cares what you say;

But I get half cocked
When I have writers block,
And I get on all fours, and I bay...

But I'm not a dog,
Why, I'd even write a blog-
If I could think of something to say!


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The sky promises nothing!
Reach as you may,
And she just might slap you down-
The stars could care less
About your life long endeavors;
The moon is more concerned
About its own orbital gravity...
But unless you envision success,
You'll never get off the ground...

The hand of sorrows

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Wheel in spin,
My life an uncertainty-
The hand of sorrows,
A trusted friend;
What will you bring me?
I look into your eyes
And I see rivers of pain-
Is this my redemption?
Surely this is not-
Loosen your grip of me,
For I have heard the call;
Fear is slowly fading.

The divorce

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The end of sorrows-
And at what price?
Freedom for tomorrow,
But regret at twice.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Where am I to hide?
Feelings I don't want
For one who does not want them;
My heart, a restless rambler,
Seeks that which it cannot have-
A fool unto itself,
For the brain knows much better!
Yet the brain, a dull knife,
Has never cut ties with regret-
How I wish I said, "I love you."

A wandering child

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A burden I shall always bear-
Unanswered, my heart remains,
Though I have cried a million tears...
With each beat the lonely
Cadence calls out to you,
A wandering child alone
And in need of your guidance;
Take me by the hand,
And lead me the way home.

God is good


When I think about where I was 10 years ago in life, I thank God for being so good! I was lost in constant depression, stayed up nights and slept all day. I was abusing prescription medications, and taking pills by the handfulls. A friend literally told me once that life was passing me by and he was afraid I was going to die soon. It was a wake up call for me. I really started thinking about how I was wasting my life. I never completed college and was fond of history, and decided to enroll for college online and got my degree in 3 years. I was up for bigger challenges so I went for a second degree in English and graduated with a double major GPA average of 3.70. It boosted my self esteem and prepared me for the things that I am doing now. I am so grateful that my wife and I have had the opportunity to start our recording business and bless so many people. Thank you, God for not giving up on me when you could have...

sincere homage

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A million thoughts of you,
All in a day's dreaming-
Loving you in my mind
Like you have never known;
Oh, such sweetness,
My heart could not take it in-
Goddess of my imagination,
I'd die for just the covering
Of your shawdow...

More than splendor

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I've known love to redundancy,
I've touched all I can touch-
I've always known there was more
Than the thrill of heavens reach;
I've kissed the sweet lips of splendor,
But I've never loved you, as I want to do...


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

If you were me,
Then you would see-
That it's we
That's gotta be;
But do you foresee
The possibility
Of we being three-
Twenty one or twenty three,
Or as many as seventy?
I know it's strange, really-
You think that's not reality...
But everyone wants to be me.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

One more friend to bury today
Like some kind of little broken toy,
No longer useful to anyone at all-
The earth soberly swallows our dead,
Then time regurgitates priceless archeology;
Ironic how tables turn over time...

broken ties

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Friends we once were,
A friend I shall always be-
Broken ties have no bearing;
My heart, though broken,
Remains in your stead-
There to love you always
Until the day you reciprocate...
Seasons at long last change,
The winters cold soon thaws-
So too will old misunderstandings.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I feel near in the absence
Knowing her heart as my own;
It may never realize my love,
Yet my love remains a river
That forever feeds a sea of prayer-
For as long as I endure,
She is foremost in my life...
My love is her watchman-
Should any harm come her way
It shall never fail to avenge,
By the heavy hand of Heaven!

A thousand dreams

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I looked into the eyes
Of a thousand dreams,
And found that my heart
Was in the wrong place-
What one wishes could be,
And that which is best,
Are at best, distant cousins:
Often considerate of each other,
Yet strangers to the heart...
I looked into the eyes
Of a thousand dreams,
And I saw a self centered soul.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley for the

Changing course in midstream,
The wind alters, the water is restless-
Yet my heart is stilled by a golden tongue
With words I remember as a child;
Wisdom rarely ever boasts
But an occasional quiet reminder-
How sweet such council before tides meet...
Life is an untamed river,
Always steer your boat through charted waters.

AGE & reason

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I speak like a child,
So bold, and yet, so scared-
With words I never thought I'd say;
Yet, all inside a breath of innocence
Comes years of tired seasoning-
Oh, youth & virtue,
Age and reason have come forth;
Have you forever hidden yourselves?
My youthful heart stands alone...

daddy daughter dance

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley & Terry Thornton

From the time you were born
I dreamed of this day-
So quickly it has come,
Time has run away-
A bride made in heaven
To him you will always be-
But daddy's little girl
You'll forever be to me.

It's bad enough, sweetheart,
I can't walk you down the aisle,
You say you understand,
With that reassuring smile-
But the war has robbed me
Of that once in a lifetime chance;
Oh, what I'd give to have
That daddy daughter dance.

Daddy don't worry,
Wipe your tears away-
You're more a man than most,
And it's not about yesterday;
We've made it all the way here,
Today you're stronger than then-
Those crippled legs have carried me,
Again and again and again.

The dance will always be ours,
And you will take the lead-
We've walked together through the fire,
The dance will never concede-
Keep your head up high, daddy,
It's only circumstance-
For forever in my heart,
Is that daddy daughter dance.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

You gotta lose
In order to win,
You gotta hit bottom-
Before the top means
Anything at all;
Failure is only such,
If you fail to get back up.

fear not the phantom beast

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Eversince the beginning, man has predicted the end. Even in the apostle Paul's time, they assumed it was near. Martin Luther believed it was nigh because of the birth of larger cities, and taller buildings. We find his reasonings silly, but some of our modern day doomsayers will look just as foolish, twenty years from now. Dates such as 666 and 1000, and even 2000, have been met with fanatic instances of suicides, and what not. I for one do not see the book of Revelation in such sinister undertones, nor fear a phantom monster, the beast, that some have given personhood; I see it as a book of hope of Christ's return. The antichrist, according to scriptures, is a spirit that has been in the world since the beginning. And if this beast does in fact come to fruition, in the flesh, our security is with Christ. Revelation is apocalyptic literature, but some choose to take it literal. If you believe all scripture is literal or don't, that's fine; as long as you understand what personal salvation is, and that you need it. All of us fall short, including sometimes with our beliefs. For heavens sake, that's why were saved by grace alone! I'm looking forward to whenever my Lord chooses to return, and try to refrain from making that decision for him. Frankly, I pray it's not soon. I would hope that more people would come to know Him. Yet you see and hear all kinds of "Profits" (notice the spelling) who want to scare people, in the name of Jesus, to spread THEIR own kingdoms. I'm going to live my life confident that I'm in the hands of God, and I will go when He decides. I don't fear an antichrist! It has absolutely no application in my life because I belong to Christ. And if you are a believer, so do you; so quit looking for things in the dark...

half empty

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A glass half empty-
There's no other way to see it...
Pour your life over me
And fill it right to the very brim,
Take up this vessel with every drop
Of who that I need you to be;
This man loves you so much-
Let me drink from your heart
Until we both know no more thirst.

to love you intensely

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I'm at a loss for words,
My heart must speak for itself-
Oh, to only just hold you,
Tell me I will not lose you;
You are my life's panacea
When the world has me down-
How I need you in my arms!
I want to love you intensely
And bring heaven to your feet,
To kiss your life every moment;
You are THE woman that I love...

Around The Rumor mill

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

One of the biggest rumors in the seventies was that the song, "Bridge Over Troubled Water," was about a heroin fix. Some eluded to the lyric, "sail on silver girl, sail all night; your time has come, all your dreams are on their way," as a reference to the needle penetrating the skin, and the drug taking its effect. Paul Simon put the rumor to rest, by explaining that when they recorded the song, the producer wanted a refrain; so Paul haphazardly scribbled down some passible, but not well thought out lyrics. Why do people invent controversy when there is none? "Stairway To Heaven" became a favorite for people fixated on playing there turntables backwards. Supposedly some references were made about Satan. I did the same thing with The Beatles, "Dizzy Miss Lizzie," and clearly heard John Lennon, declair, "Ooh, you ran right over my legs!" As far as what "Stairway" was about, some believe it's referring to JRR Tolkien's, "Lord of the Rings."  Everyone, of course, knows the story about, "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds." According to John Lennon, LSD had nothing to do with the song, that it was inspired by a drawing by his son. Yet today, that rumor is gospel to some. We could feel sorry for all of these misconstrued artists, I suppose; but what if they themselves perpetrated these suchlike rumors to boost record sales? A song in the sixties called, "Louie, Louie," was released with totally unintelligible vocals by design, to create a controversy. That's just what it did! Some radio stations refused to play it because, since nobody knew the words, they couldn't censor it properly. Soon the FBI got involved, and investiged the matter in view of heightened propaganda during the Cold War. Naturally the song sold gazillions! These days you don't hear of many rumors about a song, because of the "upfrontness" of our society. Everything is openly talked about today, so nobody raises an eyebrow when they do. It's redundant. That is not to say that there are not rumors, or rumormongers today. But there are no Godlike superstars in the music business anymore, that we just stop what were doing, and gawk at. Those days are over. Stars today are overnight sensations that are gone overnight. Streaming has dehumanized music, by eliminating the album cover, and almost, the artist. We have faceless songs. What's to talk about that?

blind to all

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

My eyes are blind to all,
I can no longer discern-
What my heart tells me
I swallow with haste;
Blind are my eyes
But deaf is my heart-
That just won't take
No for an answer...

reality has set in

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Give it up,
A greater fool knows better-
Time has spoken loudly
And I have not listened;
The book has been written,
There is no more to write...
There is nothing I can do.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

What I'd give to see you again!
All that I own is meaningless
In the absence of you...
If I had nothing but your gaze,
I'd cast all to the wind;
I could live off of your smile alone,
If I were able to be so wealthy...
But my heart now suffers a deficit
Where once it was rich in friendship;
Oh my sweet friend,
I live in sheer poverty of spirit-
Please answer this prayer...
I cannot afford to live without you!

The afterlife

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Death is a sojourn-
A trek we all must
Venture, the interim
Between sorrows & joy;
The other side, no one
Has lived to recount;
But everyone's dying
Just to get in there...

The friend I needed so

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

There are so many ways to say,
"I love you..."
So why couldn't I find the words?
Whatever I said drove you away...
Love should never offend,
It doesn't seek to own somebody-
You were the friend I needed so,
And I'm so glad you were there;
This love for you will never die,
It has stood the test of time-
Its yours when you feel all alone...
Though not with you, I am always!


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A tear from the sky,
It fell into my eye-
No, I'm not crying at all...
My heart, a cloak & dagger-
I'm a mystery you can't see,
Nevermind trying to figure me...
I'll laugh when you think me sad-
I'll smile when you think me mad...
Don't even try to pry the door,
You won't get in; not now,
Or evermore...

A child only knows trust

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Fragments of a soul
Are hard to regather-
A Father, a loose cannon,
Or God's guiding hand,
Both are a child's memory-
His job, to prepare them
For an intolerable world-
Not to be intolerable!
A child only knows trust...
You can totally destroy that,
Or teach him vigilance;
Turn the tables on violence:
What may have been done to you,
Need not be done to them!

Something's missing

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Something's missing,
It's rightful place now vacant-
Where do I look for it?
What if I could have it back?
The world is filled with stuff,
But it is all I've ever wanted-
I see it everywhere that I go
But it fades into the scenery;
Elusive as it may have been,
It was I that foolishly lost it-
Something's missing,
It might not have been mine-
But I'll never know until I find it.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

You danced in the rain,
The sun caught your face
And lit up like a child;
I fell for you in that instant...
You took my hand, and laughed;
A kiss fell from out of nowhere-
Silence is a friend of awkwardness,
They both stuck around for awhile...

cold & naked

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

What's said of everything
When everything is nothing?
I've lost all faith in all-
Gold ain't gonna buy peace,
It's the cause of wars...
Peace is only found in a man-
But you traded him for silver;
Milk all of your sacred cows
And pray they bear much bounty-
For the winter is nigh,
And you are truly cold & naked!

the end of the end

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

They built a bronze
Up to the sky-
The caption read,
"The Truth's a Lie;"
Bowed & prayed
To shadows drawn
Over their eyes-
Acoss the dawn;
Deadmen sang
The song of life,
A chorus rang out-
In harmonious rife;
But a seal was broken,
Like the serpant's head-
Twas the end of the end
For the living dead.

wading waist deep

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Monkey see,
Monkey don't do-
But you can have it all,
It's up to you!

This world's a cesspool...
And If you can swim the tide,
Everyone's standing in line
Just to commit sewercide-

But I've just about had enough,
There's more to life than this;
I'd rather choose living water,
Than wading waist deep in piss...

Jesus came to bring you new life,
The world can only bring about death-
He washed away all transgressions,
He gave the dead man new breath-

Yes, it's just as simple as that,
No religion can save your soul!
Give your broken heart to Him,
He'll forever make you whole...

change me

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

When I think of all that I am,
I tremble for what I am not-
I'm so blessed, yet so disobedient;
Your mercy is incomprehensible!
Make me just like you, every day-
Let me encourage them with love
And always be ready to sacrifice;
I am willing, Lord, to change...

love and romance

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I have a friend my age who has never married and won't because, "they are never what you imagine them to be." He is absolutely right, and that is okay. What I think people forget about romance, is that we are all made naturally "selfish." By that I mean we view a relationship through the self. Naturally you are going to have preconceived notions about someone, even someone as close as your mate. You don't know the deepest inner depths of your partner no matter for how long you've been with them. That's why you are left with a less than a totally accurate estimation of their psyche. Your brain is your most important sexual organ, it creates all that your partner is to you. Of course all other important organs stimulate that information. This is why we are attracted differently. The brain has an uncanny ability to create, and it is perfectly normal and important to create romantic feelings where there are none in a relationship. Love is a choice! It is an action! It is NOT something you accidently trip and fall into. Our society is saturated with false pretensions aimed at young brides looking for "Prince Charming," and men looking for their eternal, heavenly nymph. Most kids have no concept of what "through health and sickness, for richer and poorer," are. Once "reality" sets in, they become disillusioned, and many divorce instead of "reinventing" their marriage. Yes, it's okay to fantasize about your mate unrealistically, while realizing they are just as fallible as you when it matters. If people would give themselves, as well as their mate, a break, a lot more marriages would survive. I regret that I had not realized this over 30 years ago...

What have i?

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

What have I,
If I have not you?
I have all of NOTHING-
Everything is not anything
Without your life in mine;
But the smile of your face,
The touch of your hand...
That would be SOMETHING.

one day

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Is mine forever to be a broken heart,
Or is the story to have a turn for the better?
I've tried to let go so many times
But I miss you so much...
When I think of the friendship that might've been,
I feel like so much a part of me is missing;
I won't let go,
I can't let go-
I pray daily that all is forever mended
And one day we will be friends again.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley


Fanatic: "You mean all I have to do is believe, and I can step out in front of busy traffic, jump from a window, handle deadly snakes, or set fire to myself?"



(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Faded hopes-
We could have been best friends...
But life can be cruel at times
When things get misconstrued;
Along the road of promise
We became a statistical casualty-
How sad such sweetness
Turned sour in such a short time-
But neither of us are really to blame,
We couldn't read each other's hearts;
While so many wrote between the lines.

You are all that i ask for

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

You are all that I ask for,
I thirst as never before-
Water can never satiate
What only you can offer;
My lips cry out for your skin...
I love as love is new
Amidst a heart with old desires;
You are all that I ask for,
Please be generous and kind.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

People have come and gone,
Yet I am still bleeding in doubt-
We are transparently opague,
Hiding in our own obviousness
While obscurely going forward;
Ambiguity never seemed sweeter...
Yes, we are safer in not knowing,
Than knowing we are not safe.

anything for you

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The kiss of your sweet torment,
Oh, such could I not live without-
I'd crawl to the ends of the earth
Just to die in your rejecting arms;
Fool that I am for all that you are,
You're still everything that's anything-
These tears are all that I have left,
For I have not yet offered you them...
What more of death is too much?

IF I owned the world

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The silence in your eyes
Tells me the stories of your heart-
You, my love, are so precious...
How I wish you were mine to hold,
I would hold you for a million years!
To awake with you in my arms
Would be to own the world-
But love is always yours
No matter what life offers;
My heart knows no other inclination
For you...

love's levy

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The one who is loved
Is the light of my life,
The one my eyes adore-
She is my only vision...
Of love, much is said,
Yet she embodies it;
I know deep in my heart
That she's not to be mine,
The cost of love's levy...
A price for veneration,
As I worship the woman
who owns mercy on my heart.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

What would have been,
Would have been the world-
A life with you,
The woman I first loved;
Holding you, even now,
I hold dear all that you are
And kiss the thought of you...
My first, my last,
My life's reason for breath;
Never will I sever the need.

the fruition of dreams

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

To touch her
I would give all-
The fruition of dreams,
The impossible reality;
My soul knows only
Yearning for sleep-
The sweetest woman
Nature has made,
Has my heart in a web;
Cruel, and yet irresistible.

New videos

Check out the video page for two new videos announcing the opening of Seven Springs Sound studios...

My love of loves

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

She came to me
When I was a child,
I grew to love her so-
The woman who
Stayed in my heart,
My love of loves...
She moves the
Secret place in me,
Made only for her-
Always with me in spirit,
The woman I have
Never known in life,
She is my fire when
The world is bitter cold...
Though I have not,
What I have, is forever.

IF one's to survive

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

When all you got
Is all for naught,
And a friend isn't
A friend after all-
The world can be
A very stark place;
But if one's to survive
The rigors of strife-
You just do what
What you just do...
And hold up high
A very brave face.

cause for alarm

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The dog farted profusely at exactly 6am this morning... Boy howdy, did it wake up the whole house promptly! Just think how effective an alarm clock that would make, if you could capture it technologically, and manufacture it. Why you'd make millions. Only thing, that snooze button would be a killer...

bleeding words

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I want to love so passionately,
To engage someone in fiery play-
For my lips thirst for their mate...
I'd love this women dangerously,
And with every risk of my pride;
Ah, but such a fool never wins,
It's those that take love for granted
That get to shake the honeytree!
Of all the pleasures I have ever known,
I've never known such sweet rapture-
My heart is beating weary from
Waiting, watching, and wanting;
It bleeds with words of desire daily.

epitome of passion

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

When I look into your eyes
We are absolutely timeless,
I am totally lost in you-
You are my beautiful world,
And we two are the only...
Ours is beyond a life,
But a life of its own;
To be with you someday
Is to be with you eternally...
Oh my love, we are going
to be the epitome of passion;
Heaven was named just
For our love...

My heart

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

My heart is safe inside of your smile,
It lies in the laughlines of your eyes
And to see you, brings it carefully home...
It longs to nestle deep within your bosom,
And friend the heart that gives you breath;
It loves you so much, it aches without you.

not to be paranoid, but...

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I recall hearing propaganda in my childhood during the Coldwar, about the fact that every Soviet household in Russia was bugged by the government. We were aghast, as if that were an unspeakable offence against one's basic human rights. We as Americans have always feared Big Brother. In the 1970s young people in America rebelled against what they deemed as government overstretch. We hear today of so many claiming libertarian & iconoclastic conservative values, and some who believe that liberalism & progressivism are a way of self emancipation. Acknowledging this, how have we, as a whole, INVITED Big Brother into our lives so blind sightedly? Everyone, including myself, owns or wants a smartphone. TV's can now be connected to the internet. Homes are computer controlled. And all of these of course are becoming standard, and are readymade devices that can be used to bypass the legal system to gather private information. Siri may sound sweet and innocent, but after listening for a while, she will know pretty much everything about you without you realizing it. She not only knows your favorite shopping items, but keeps track of your many habits, and private conversations off of the phone. Okay, she's just a machine! But people buy her information. You don't know who they are...This is just the beginning of where we are going with the surveillance technology that we ourselves have subscribed to. So the next time you hear someone remind you about how the Soviet Union was a slave state, with very little freedoms, just remember: they had no choice...

lost & found

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

If I had one day with you,
I'd share moments when
You came into my life-
When you walked me
Through the raging fire...
You would not understand,
It would be foreign to you;
But you, my friend, were there-
I held onto you like an icon
When there was nothing else;
Older now, I've know my heart...
It is strong and resilient-
I can open it up and still
Find you there...

The truth

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I found out!
The cat crawled
From outta the bag-
Silence can only
Keep for so long;
Am I angry? Not at all-
My mind's been vindicated;
Am I hurt? As hurt as hell...
I'm not worth telling
The truth...


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

My woman
Breathes in my heart-
For forty years
She's been instilled there
Like a tree taken root;
Though the thought
Of her, is mine to rule...
It was I that was
First swallowed
By her eyes-
As though predators.

weary heart

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Who is a friend, or not?
None have I ever wronged,
And I have loved when slapped down-
But I have come to the end of giving...
A heart now severed from strife
Refuses to be moved ever again;
Cold is the blood now to flow from
Everlasting, till the end of days.

my medicinal angel

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Hold me like you'll not let go,
I need to know somebody cares-
Sooth me again with your words;
Sweet woman of my youth,
I lay in your recieving arms
Of my wishful, wanting mind;
You, above all, are my delight-
My life's reason and elixir...
Thank you for your beating heart.

times like these

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I'm lost in thoughts of a child
Seeing emotion through ambiguity;
Fear of feeling, yet feeling fear,
My heart is faint, and in need...
The touch of the woman's hand,
I've never known in my life-
Yet her ways have always touched me
In times of darkness and disquiet,
And I hold her now close to me;
Sweet woman that I have known,
She is my anchor and my strength...

LOOSE lips

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Candied lies,
They appetize-
The mouth, a
Fountain of both
Sweet and bitter;
Most dams may
Never overflow,
But loose lips
Will deluge a dried,
And vacant river.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

No words can touch it-
The deep hole in your soul
When you are hated...
When you know not why,
And all you can do is cry;
Words will never sooth
The heart that is shattered,
Over things you can never
Show to be untrue...

I need you now

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

So cold the bitter moon-
Lost in a sea of tears,
That have fallen for you;
My ship harbors into
Your sweet loving arms-
Oh, but the absence
Of plain & simple reality...
I need you now more
Than all the years past-
Half of my heart is gone,
The other is left to break-
Hide me, my dear friend,
The scourge is now mine.

Tired eyes

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Tired eyes,
Gazing through a restless world-
Ain't it sad
When all there are, are tired eyes
Gazing back at one another?
Gazing and never finding-
Restless gazes on the faces
Of tired eyes, looking for themselves.

Deal with the thunder

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley
Ever so surely,
Time eases pain like a pillow-
Yet remiss & long forgotten-
-A soothing cold pack o'er a bed of nails-
It will revisit you like an unwanted intruder;
Deal with the thunder from whence it rains...
Lost time is a friend only to repression.

life after death

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley
Death had come like a beast
But I hid in its periphery,
The hand of God covered me-
All but certainly I was its prey;
Life was dismal until that day,
But new breath was given me-
Life anew is God's sweet nature...
Sometimes you must die
In order to find your life.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley
I'm lost in the face of self,
A stranger in my own shadow
Cast from a very young age-
Older now, I am at the mercy
Of the same spirit instilled;
I want to change my heart,
But it beats a drum of rebellion-
Yet a war has been declared,
And the soul must usurp power...
Thus the spirit be eternally freed,
By the hand that now feeds it.

entertain us

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

We are today similar to what Aldous Huxley's, "Brave New World," intimated as the Soma Generation... a society hooked on an authority sanctioned drug meant to ease anxiety, and create massive passivity. We see the over abundance, and availability of psychotropic medication, once given in severe cases only. Not to be alarmist nor conspiratorial, yet society is becoming more and more apathetic and fatalistic. We assume our elected officials have innate power, and we, just like serfs, are their subjects. We have become lethargic, and indicative of the ingenious words of Kurt Cobain, "Smells Like Teen Spirit:" "Here we are now, entertain us; I feel stupid, I'm contagious..." We have all now grown up to be adults, with no aspirations other than to be entertained! We have so many mental disorders today because self autonomy is passe. We need rock idols, celebrities, political leaders, and church leaders to tells us what, and how to believe. We are easy prey for "Brave New World's" fictional tyranny. Some mental patients need medication just to have a livable day, that is true; but we are slowly becoming a people dependent on pills for everything from a headache, to anything that will help us smile... let's hope someday they don't demand we take our meds.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

If I were the wind,
Life would be a breeze...
If I were the sky,
And I could offer pie,
There'd be no limit
To anything I'd try...
But I'm just a people,
And I am what I am-
A church without a steeple,
Ain't worth a tinkers dam...
I'm limited, and can't fly,
And perhaps that is why-
I was given a big brain;
I can out think the best,
And then out run the rest-
A people, I guess I shall remain...

think critically

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

People have lost the art of arguing these days. For the most part, many just execute a battle of opinions. By that I mean that they don't consider the other's point of view when making their case. I was very fortunate to attend an online college that was not tainted ideologically left or right, and allowed the student to think critically for himself. In writing papers we were instructed, when arguing a case, to propose the opposing arguments strongpoints and then refudiate it unmercifly with gathered research supporting our argument. We have become a society of bigots where people will only believe what they refuse to substantiate. You can be open minded and still hold strong to your beliefs, so long as you can verify that not believing so is in error.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

In the aftermath of many years,
Time has reintroduced memories
Of a life I would not survive;
For simple sunny days of my life
Had clouded my eyes from the storms-
Mother and father both now gone,
There's none to ask why
The rain is presently falling harder;
But blame will only suffice an emotion,
It will not kill the growing cancer within-
Yet if I live, learn, and listen to the pain,
Only then will peace finally win the war
Allowing me to forgive my phantom enemies;
While surrendering to the self
That wants to be so loved..


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Fear once touched is never more-
Why the sting of dread?
The night cannot steal your peace,
It is a quiet knowing that the dawn
Follows the darkest of hour of the night...
Dread not the unforseen,
For what is to be seen is livable;
Yet the eyes endeavor to blind the heart.

I will not bleed

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I will not bleed!
The scars have toughened-
I will never again be
Subject to my heart;
I walk with resolve,
And walk away from pain-
Lift my head in the affirmative,
I live to live life as life lives to live.

Sleep apnea

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Today is a very significant anniversary for me. It was a year ago on this date that could have ended my life. I learned the hard way that I had sleep apnea. I had just had knee surgery a day earlier... that night, I was given my dose of 15 milligrams of Norco, a huge amount, but was having more pain than usual. The nurse gave me a large dose of Dilaudid. I was happy and on top of the world, to say the least! I had been having trouble sleeping adequate lately as I snored horribly, and often woke up very cloudy headed. Moments after recieving the medication, my wife came back from downstairs and said something to me, but I was unresponsive, eventhough it appeared I was staring at her. She said, at closer look, my pupils were pin pricks.  She noticed I wasn't breathing and called for the nurse, who could not feel a pulse. She immediately jumped onto the bed and gave a blow to my chest, which restarted my heart. Once breathing, my oxygen level only was about 30%. I was in McBride Orthopaedic Hospital, which had no ICU, so I was rushed by ambulance half way across town to Mercy Hospital, where I was on a respirator for almost two days, luckily alive and no brain damage (I think). Sleep apnea is no joke! I should have been tested before all of this happened, but I was prideful. Get tested if you snore horribly, and have trouble staying awake during the day. Don't put your loved ones what I put my wife through, or worse!


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I have seen the locusts come,
The years of famines rage-
Scarlet beasts of bitter scourges
Unleash the hounds of hard times,
And strip the heart of hope;
Yet a hand from heaven
Put the wheel in counterpole-
The tide now restless in the sea of bounty;
It must give forth all good things...
For once surrendered from my while,
Only then, will favor follow.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Karl Marx did not first envision communism. Huh?.... that's right, communism was first theorized in 1516 By Christian humanist, Sir Thomas More, in his famous book, Utopia. A fictional, first ever novel, about a society that gave up all monetary gain, and lived communally. Every aspect of society in the story had a spiritual purpose, and peace with everyone's fellow man was always kept priority. The book is highly idealistic and goes on to insinuate that because of mankind's fallen nature, this kind of peaceful, communal coexistence can only occur in the hereafter. Communism did not always front the soulless and nihilistic face that Lenin, Stalin, Castro, and Mao propagated, that resulted in nearly 100 million dead. Nevertheless, it has from the beginning been shown, by the works of More & Marx, in demonstrating an alternative to the inequality of classes, and a peaceful brotherhood for mankind, on paper; but it hasn't treanslated very well in the real world. The difference between More, Marx's predecessor and himself, is that More saw that functional communism was impossible... Perhaps this is why Marx is awarded its miserable authorship.

finding substance

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Made from the same dust I shall be,
Life and death becomes me-
I cry into the wind
And I am scattered tears of dirt;
What of me is absent?
For I am, yet no longer ashamed.

is this a plea for help?

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Where are the words
For this pure terror?
I babble like a mute-
I cannot be myself,
For I know not who I am!
I fear the battles ahead-
Am I a prisoner of war,
Or just another casualty?
I am so scared and rattled,
And yet as numb as anesthesia;
Is this a plea for help?
You gaze at a silly clown
As I look through the eyes of a child-
And I see so many monsters...


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I took my pet duck to the veterinarian this morning; we were abruptly thrown out after he swung at us cause my duck couldn't keep his mouth shut, and called him a quack. As we picked ourselves up off of the ground, he added, "His bedside manners aren't all that they're quacked up to be, either!"


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I stood on the edge of reason and looked hard and long at madness. What I saw brought me to tears, for I spied a parallel world; a world where all are dying in order just to survive. A place where all exalt Isolation, and worship their own deeds. At the crux of this society, divisiveness is a tool to keep it from really coalescing. The people themselves want it this way for they fear real unity, for nobody wants mob rule! In this society, the leaders there talk doublespeak. For instance, they say they must go to war to "keep the peace," this kind of confusion tends to overwhelm the masses, and makes them compliant to anything they ask. Freethinking there is very costly! It can cause a tax audit, a church expulsion, or a suspension from a university (Where freethinking was once encouraged). Freedom of speech? That depends... If it offends, it's hate speech. Sounds great, but it's a bit ambiguous since we can't tell ahead of time what's going to offend whom; therefore "freedom of speech" has been revised to the "freedom to not be offended." Therefore, it's best to keep one's mouth shut (even this dissertation would be considered dangerous there). Wealth is iconic in this society. Sure, one should earn their daily worth, and be paid well. Your told in one ear, "work hard, and you'll reach the top!" But unless you're a corporate conglomerate, they will keep you down with tax hikes, regulatory compliance that affects your job, and various other ways to keep you outta the echelons of elites. Some miraculously do ascend that ivory tower, and are usually wined and dined. Once there, they have access to just about every politician money can buy. Yet the people in this society have forgotten that THEY THEMSELVES are the government, and assume these "lobby whores" are in real places of "power." As as I looked hard and long into madness, I shook my head, and did an about face again toward reason. As I did, I heard a gasping behind me... of a world where all are dying in order just to survive...


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The heart,
Life giving &
Self sustaining,
But very needy-
If emboldened,
It can change
The world...
Once broken,
It will change

shattered idols

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Pouring through my soul
Like a freight train-
But something is missing,
Yet I am filled with plenty...
The icon that owns my eyes
Is swiftly slipping off the wall,
But what have I to fall upon?
Empty, empty, empty...
Empty vessel of light
Searching in the dark for a hammer.

proper perspective

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

My father, God-
Endless is your reach;
Bless all those in my life,
And those once part of it-
Rebreak my toughened
And guarded heart,
So that I may always be
Ready to love for your sake-
Thank you for all things
That have happened in life,
For it has brought me here.

a year and a day later

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A year and a day later,
I have gone on-
I've learned to forgive
Myself for the unanswered;
My heart is mended
And stronger than before-
I am not responsible
For what I do not know...
My mind is now free.

Think For Yourself

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

If you don't dig the dance,
Shimmy your own shuffle...
Don't do what I do,
Or strain a muscle
If it ain't your style-
You were given a brain,
With everything to gain,
By thinking for yourself
for a while.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

If forever is always forever,
Then many a poet has lied-
For long before forever's end,
Many a poet has died;

And though they said they'd love till then,
And heaven knows they tried,
Testosterone only lasts for only so long;
And forever just can't be satisfied...

So you're a wordsmith of romantic verse,
And you took her on a ride;
She fell in love like there was no tomorrow,
Forever to be right by your side...

But, "Until forever" was a lot to promise
To now a very frustrated bride,
Whose libido is getting stronger with age,
And there's no place in hell to hide!

Yes, you wrote that sonnet years ago
About how long love will abide,
So measure your right foot carefully,
And ever so humbly, open wide!

My beloved sister

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I have not spoken
With her, but once-
She was born in
A very distant land;
Yet her heart speaks
To mine in spirit, daily...
She is the fire that burns
In my words & music;
My beloved sister...
Parented by the aesthetic,
We share not a name,
But a heart that yearns-
That can't help but sing.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

My mind's eye- seeing double,
My inner strength- All rubble;
Acidic when I swallowed my pride,
If truth was mine, it lied...

Yesterday's walk was a stagger,
Too many roads ahead in the game-
If I were found, I was surely lost,
For good and evil can appear the same;

Guttural grace and fabricated faith,
"Earning heaven as hard as I can-"
That was my way to salvation,
Until I met him, as just a man...


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

How can I deny what is in me?
Oh, to burn like there's no tomorrow!
God's plan has never been realized,
I'm as frustrated as a idled freight train;
I want to love as to rattle the windows
And raise the roof to the heavens...
Will I die before I taste such sweet ecstasy?


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

You shot yourself-
It's as simple as that!
But what took less than a millisecond
Can do more pain than in one lifetime;
Nevertheless, you don't really care about that,
You are selfish, and no one else matters!
Oh, they'll tell you the story goes on without you;
But you, you are now a semicolon-
An incomplete sentence...
Yet the tale after you goes on like this:
Friends, children, lovers, parents, and spouses
With a life sentence of unanswered questions-
You will continue to exist as a thorn in their soul...
Life is an adventure, and like all stories,
There is love, tragedy, joy, strife, pain and an
Eventual, and meaningful ending-
Don't haste to find a selfish peace,
Finish the sentence, and turn the page.

what i cannot have

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

What slips through the fingers
Causes the hand to flinch-
Why do I love what I cannot have?
Words will never sooth my soul,
Only the touch of what I cannot have;
Never have I loved so much,
And died so deep within myself-
The heart is shattered, tears are plenty,
All for the sake of what I cannot have.

drowning man

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Touch what you are-
Does it light the senses,
Or is there nothing there?
I am void of reason...
I am a weed absorbing
An existential Sun-
Find me, oh find me,
Sweet purpose in life;
The sea of meaninglessness
Is slowly swallowing me,
Like a bitter pill...

knock, knock

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

A door is closed,
Is it forever locked?
Pardon me, but I left
My heart inside...

No one

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

No one knows what it's like-
You can snicker when I come around,
But you don't know what it's like...
To be assumed to be always up to no good
Just because I dare to breathe!
I am so alone...
I am so alone...
I am so alone...
No one knows what it's like.

Love is...

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Love is never determined by the eyes,
For the eyes can only understand
What desire tells them upon attraction;
That is then to be interpreted by the heart-
But that in its self does not determine love...
Love is only determined by a gradual bonding
Of two souls working through obstacles that
Are determined to rip them apart, over time...

a higher good

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Freed from all that is within me,
Desire has fled like a prodded horse-
When you truly love someone
You want for them their higher good;
Sharing that love would not have been best...
Selfishness often imitates reverence,
And sometimes the heart self implodes
Rather than getting broke-
I will never see this person again,
But I will always carry that love for them.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

When the winter bleeds,
And the North wind blows-
Take comfort in the fire
That still yearns within;
For whatever burns
Is not yet dead in purpose!
But Winter will yield only when
A season of action is taken.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Peace is the storm of reassurance
When clouds of laughter flood the heart-
Like the sea of endless possibilities
Rushing the sands of fear & doubt,
Wave upon wave;
Look to your maker
When all falls apart-
What was made, can be made, again!


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Does it suit the heart,
Or doth the heart pretend?
For if the pain remains,
The heart yet discerns
What the mind contests;
But to truly forget someone,
Is to be at peace with them-
For love never dies,
But lives to let go.


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Fading memories,
Memories I tried to keep-
They are meant to be free...
Forgotten though not despised,
Yet too painful to recall;
Farewell to my youthful heart.

poetry & those who write it

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

I hate poetry-
And those who write it
Are like mere, white bed sheets
Neath blankets of gold satin;
For they intimate honesty
With pretentiousness,
And honey up the mundane
In silver tongued spoons-
Marinade their digressions in
Useless similes & metaphors,
Usually about their salad days...
Supposing they've outwit you
With one stroke of the pen.
Useless bastards...

questioning light and darkness

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The light, useless unto itself,
For only in darkness is it qualified-
For even the shadows hide in the night...
But if darkness was the forebearer of creation,
How be it merely the absence of light,
Yet light is self autonomous?


(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

The morning comes like a promise,
The night, a faded dream-
Echoes of regret long diminished;
I see the face of hope smile reassuringly-
Novel beginnings bring a new year,
A clean slate to renew old endeavors...
And wipe away the tears of yesterday.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The first year of the rest of my life...
Letting go of things I can't control,
Getting control things I can-
Sin, you've had your day, move on,
Jesus Christ is forever my Lord!
God has blessed me in so many ways:
After being told I'll never walk again,
I start off the year on my own two feet;
I was blessed with the means to start
A recording studio, record company,
And publishing company to promote
Talented artists, local & nationwide,
Opening in the last week in February...
2018 is the beginning of the future!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

It's over,
A miserable year;
I put it beneath my feet!
The end of my woes,
Buried among the dead-
Let the earth eat of your rot...

The race

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The race has been run,
But someone stood in my place-
I was in the crowd, mocking him;
He heard my jeers, but ran harder...
When he crossed the finish line first,
They disqualified him in disgrace-
I hated him, and just laughed,
Until I realized the prize was mine!
What was this guy thinking?
Almost everyone in the crowd
Started to turn away to leave
And to admonish and ridicule me;
Except for him; he just smiled
In a way that I finally understood:
"Come, let us run together,
I'll never leave your side."

pill popping problem

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I know a girl who panics...
And when, she takes Xanax-
She pops down a pill,
So that she won't kill,
& sleeps, instead of having manics.

I know a boy who took Paxil,
And yes, this story is factual-
But he had to repent,
For he became impotent;
Now he's as stiff as an axle.

A kid I know takes Abilify,
Cause he once thought he was a butterfly-
Now he's as fat as an ox,
Can't find his size to buy socks;
And his room, they had to modify.

The pharmaceuticals are running amuck,
You want to stop them, well good luck-
They own every store
Like a pimp, the corner whore;
And they really don't give a (what rhymes with luck).

nothing to grasp

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I fell into a hole of existentialism; I tried to climb out, but the walls were too vague...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Time takes time,
However long-
But then again,
Some things
Forever wrong;
One must choose
To live or die,
Or question why;
It's just a matter
Of a time to cry...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

"Hmmm, there's a hole in the wall...
A hole doesn't have
A whole lot to say, really-
But I can presume the hole
Got there not on its own;
Most holes aren't self-willed...
How old is this particular hole,
And why didn't I notice it before?
I guess I better cover it up,
It's beginning to really bug me.
Wait, there's another hole!
I wonder if they are acquainted?
I bet if I looked, I'd find a whole
Mess of these gall darn holes-
Yep, just as I suspected!
This is really giving me the creeps,
I wish I never noticed the first one...
Wait, this one has a nail in it!
Hahaha, just as I suspected,
They left evidence behind;
Talk about sloppy work-
I know exactly who did this...
I wonder what they'll do next?
I better do something about this...
Yep, no more holes in this here wall,
I'll just burn the damn thing down!"

To be imagined...

Pain and pleasure

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

We're it not for the pain,
The scent of pleasure
Would not be as sweet-
Yet, when walking through
The raging flames of life,
It is most certainly forgotten;
From negative to positive,
Life is a sine curve-
To flatline would be stoic...
Stoicism is a euphemism
For utter dishonesty...
It's okay to be human,
For that is how God made us.

The detour

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The mind,
A wanderlust highway-
Straight & narrow,
So the road must stay;
But trolls under every bridge...
Yet it's the enemy inside
That demands the toll-
Fortunately, there's a Detour
That leads right to the heart:
He'll carry you the rest of the way.

I have been so selfish

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Let me be your hands-
Though my feet be useless,
You become them,
To walk in other's shoes;
I have been so selfish-
Break my heart for others...
Thank you for all that
I've gone through this year-
Teach me to suffer knowing
That others suffer too;
Bless all who I've ever known.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

It's been the blackest of blue,
The worst I've been through-
Mama and daddy are both gone;
I find friends far and few,
And even those that I knew
Have faded like a very old song.

I'm growing older than the hills,
A broke down engine, with no wheels-
And time isn't at all looking back;
You say it's the season to be jolly,
"There's no need to be melancholy-"
Well, Life sucks, and that's a fact, Jack!

Oh, thank God Christmas is over!
You wish me greetings again,
And you're begging for a fight-
Oh, thank God Christmas is now long gone,
For tonight will be a silent night.

Now they're about to drop the ball,
In New York City, it will fall-
They gotta make a big deal of everything;
It's gonna be twenty eighteen,
Let us all just bust our spleen-
As we all, once again, join hands & sing:

Oh, thank God Christmas is over!
You wish me greetings again,
And you're begging for a fight-
Oh, thank God Christmas is now long gone,
For tonight will be a silent night.

stranger in my own mind

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A stranger in my own mind,
I'm lost in words that I've said-
Deeds that I've done...
A dog that's returned to its vomit!
I've made a mockery of grace
And a disgrace of my face-
I don't deserve your mercy,
I don't even understand it
After all of these years!
I'm at death's welcoming door,
It's been a hard, cold winter
And I long to just come inside...

fools of candor

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A heart that bleeds
Is never respected,
Often ridiculed-
And most certainly
Avoided at all costs;
But can be trusted
For its nakedness...

we all need one another

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley
When you isolate to find yourself,
You'll find yourself lost-
The self, a train headed for derailment,
Can only stay on track with
The weight of other cars;
Self autonomy only works by the
Careful instruction from others
Who know how to instill it-
Humankind is a total composite,
A machine that is interdependent
Upon its unique and differing parts...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

On the border of dreams
A line is drawn,
A rift is torn between
The here and illusion;
A tug of war of sorts
Battles for the mind-
As the victor conpletely
Surrenders in submission.

the new social anxiety

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Patient: nobody likes me!

Shrink: I'm sure somebody likes you...

Patient: no, you don't understand, nobody likes me.

Shrink: I think your thinking is distorted.

Patient: it's true, no matter what I do!

Shrink: perhaps medication might help...

Patient: I can be as funny as everyone else, but...

Shrink: no, no, no, just be yourself!

Patient: I used to get liked a lot.

Shrink: tell me more about that.

Patient: I used to have a lot of friends...

Shrink: let's talk about your mother...

Patient: oh, she's not my friend.

Shrink: why is that?

Patient: she read something on my wall that she didn't like, and defriended me.

Shrink: that seems a little extreme!

Patient: yeah, I don't mind, she does her thing and I do mine.

Shrink: and your father?

Patient: he just reads, he doesn't like anything. He never even liked mom!

Shrink: you poor child!

Patient: he gets mad when I share personal stuff that he think's secret.

Shrink: he's not hurting you in any way, is he?

Patient: huh?

Shrink: we have a safe place for you, sweetheart, where you can meet lots of new friends.

Patient: naw, I get friend requests all the time...

Shrink: are they trustworthy people?

Patient: I dunno, I don't even know most of em...

Shrink: little girl, I think you have some serious delusional and grandiose, distorted thought patterns.

Patient: is that why nobody likes me anymore?!?!

day of reckonings

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When it all comes down,
Will there be not a tear
To be given as an offering?
Will it just fade into night
Like unconscious sleep?
Woe to my stoic complacency,
For surely the pining of fire
Will bring me to my knees,
And yet, cleanse me of fear-
A heavy hand, with a burden,
Seeks out those in the flame-
But in the ways of a gentleman,
Will not force that hand on any;
For mercy is a lover only
To those who reach for her openly.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Threads of light
Bound in spirals of time,
Make haste in weaves of matter-
Life begins infectious,
Spreading with ubiquity;
Hands of design
Lovingly sculpt the ebb
Of breath over totality...
Death has no design
In this arcadia of fruition.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The withered are never fooled,
It is the tender that easily sway-
Who, coddled by youth,
With eyes that have not seen,
Perceive so much;
Yet wisdom rarely ever boasts...
Counting the passing of days,
The old see their life's work-
How vain the ambitions
Of their younger days;
Life, after all, was meant for living,
And not dying just to get ahead.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

At first dawn,
Entwined with the last of darkness-
Mingled clusters of light
Fuse with the eyes of the gazing;
Radiant in hues of majestic swirl
In clouds of mere dust and dew...
Colors that strike the sensory-
Nature's grand opening
Of just another ordinary day.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Music is never contrived-
It is a entity unto itself,
An equation that needs
Only a mathematician;
You cannot prevent it,
It is an inevitable
Consequence of life-
There is a melody
In all living sounds.

A friend only to the idle

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Time watches us
As we attempt to cheat him-
We stake our futures on his favor,
And yet live like there's no tomorrow;
He is but a thought away,
Though the furthest from our minds-
Time passing is a friend only to the idle,
The busy can never know enough of him.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I was only a dreamer,
My eyes deluded with sleep-
The fog now lifted like a scab...
And just as true for the pain,
My heart is stained with candor,
For love has bled its life dry...
A corpse that breathes anew,
Anathema to the sweetest touch-
For what gives life, is death to some,
And to others not as much.

self infliction

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The light of the sun
Now a venomous
Eruption of mockery;
I've nothing left to
Hold onto but a memory
Of false assumptions-
I can no longer live in a
song that never ends;
Silhouettes of idiocy
Seductively dance before me-
A life once lived surrenders
To the demise of the heart.

A gift in waiting

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Loving you-
With all that I fancy
I'd savor every moment;
You are close to me
Whenever my mind falls
Upon your beautiful ways-
Your touch is but a thought
Away from my shivering;
I breathe you, my eternal lover,
Take not my breath away!
I cling to the hope of your
Pleasure in my offering,
My heart is a gift in waiting;
Oh, to love you eternally,
That our tent of flesh would
Seal our souls as one.

A place for love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

To love you
Is my life's greatest thrill-
You, the woman who
Nurtures my longing, aching soul;
Though I have you not as mine,
I hold you deep within my heart-
Oh love, though satisfied,
If only our arms would embrace!
But I live this life knowing
That time has a place for love,
And that love is always eternal...

A fool

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Yes, I am a fool!
A fool that dares to dream-
I chance my dreams on flight
In the face of laughter;
They sometimes crash-
They sometimes sore-
Foolishly, I choose only to succeed...
What kind of fool are you?


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Satisfied is my soul in your gaze;
While perfection fails to satiate,
You, my love, in all your imperfections,
Are the merit that woos me-
I have always loved you,
And will take my wanting heart
To the ends of the earth;
I will carry it for all of my life-
I will die satisfied, that I have loved well.

survival in the dark

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The night is still,
All that speaks is a breeze-
Darkness swallows all hint
Of a beckoning ambiance;
Blind steps, a tinge of adrenaline,
One misstep from the unknown-
Is fear a bully, or a friend?
The night is black,
As black as a mongrel dog-
Whose teeth, a cage of white death...
Beads of sweat, heavy breath,
Symptoms of survival;
Yet caught in the moment,
The animal within emboldens-
Fear steps aside, as a dog
And a sojourner now become friends.

the sweetest kiss

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The sweetest kiss
Must surely be upon thy lips-
How they beckon me
In my thirst for you!
Years of suffering want,
I ache for your warm soul;
Yet you have kissed my life
As like no other woman-
I rest in your sweet bosom
Like your own loved child;
I love you, sweet woman,
My heart is your citadel.

A beautiful slumber

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

She can touch me with her eyes
And set my soul on fire-
The woman I've always loved
Is my heart's station;
Her sweet smile, the artist's brush,
With one stroke colors my world-
How I revere this wonderful lady!
My wandering soul belongs with hers,
Forever I rest in her beautiful all.

ours to forever keep

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

What would have been
Is ours to forever keep-
The years I have loved you
Have not been wasted;
Sweet and some bitter,
My life has dealt me
The hand I now hold-
Oh, but how much joy
Would have been this world,
In the sweetness of your arms.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

That's what you are!
Sweet sister & soul companion,
I go to you when life shatters-
I lay in your words of hope;
Yes, priceless are you to me-
I hold you daily in this heart,
And will so dearly in the next!

counting longings

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

It's totally futile!
My heart lay broken
Like promises never made-
Wasted tears, a lonely year...
And still the need comes again;
Should the pain cease tomorrow,
A fool today is my lot, until then.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Though sterile be words
Of empty emotions-
To offend, or offend not,
The heart is a consuming fire,
The voice, a loose cannon...
Open mounts of flesh,
Running rivers of blood-
The food and drink of haste;
An aftermath of many a war
Has as its predecessor-
Many a misguided word!

Scotty E. Episode 3

Scotty E talks about UFO's and Canadians (check video page)

seeing clearly

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Though these legs are feeble,
They've taken me to the highest mountain-
Weak though they may be,
They've carried many a heavy cross;
My eyes could not possibly see as clearly
If the way had been less arduous;
I am so thankful for my misfortunes.
I have battled the beast of burdens
And brought it to its knees!
I have found my life,
When death was a certainty!
I live each breath in total victory...
Pity those who have no struggles.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A woman among women,
That's what you are-
One who has made it
Completely on her own!
The world could not yeild you...
I love you, my dear friend,
My heart sings thanks to you
In each new day I'm given.
You've not the time to count the
Many who adore your shadow.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Kind words are few and far between
In a world where all are wanting,
How often we fail to reciprocate-
We give easily to the deserving,
And justify our lack of charity
Toward those who need it most;
Strike a match, and you start a fire-
Likewise, change the world,
Starting with your own attitude-
What you think, so you are...

to have known you

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I found solace in your eyes-
A place so warm & loving...
My brittle heart rested in them
Like a newborn suckling, so sweetly;
You could have done no wrong,
I held you in esteem among heaven-
How I would have loved
To have known your humaness...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I watch through a window,
The world caught in my frame-
Busybodies making their wage;
And I, just passing the while
In sloth with a mission...
I remember their hunger & fear,
Not unlike survival at a must!
I envy them like street urchins...
Yet time to me is a patient friend,
It never demands remittance-
The day is for sleeping it away,
And the night knows no burdens.

the PESSIMISTS reward

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The heart can rely on
The things that will never be-
No need to disappoint,
I cast my hopes to the sea;
What's not anticipated
Is forever lost from view-
They were never, ever envisioned,
Nor ever misconstrued.
Tomorrow is an orphan,
And the past is laid to rest-
Today is all but nearly gone,
Failure, a self fulfilled success.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When I met you,
I was selfishly looking for a lover-
You were young and beautiful
And it was you I wanted;
Oh, sweet friend, how wrong I was-
You are a daughter to me,
And I'd lay my life down for you;
What I would do to turn back time...
You not in my life is my reward
For the condition that was my heart-
You are so special to me,
Someone I will always think about:
The laughter we might have shared,
The music we could have made...
I hurt over you everyday,
I wish I had not been so selfish.
Maybe we will meet someday
And all of this will be behind us-
I need you so much, my friend.

warning labels

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Got a new battery charger... it says, "in accordance to local laws, articles of association of limitations, and federal guidelines concerning national security, appropriate use of mobile power host encounter without permission, such as the landing of aircraft should be avoided; charging so as to not cause aeronautical interference is strongly advised!" Man, I just wanna recharge my smartphone, not necessarily assist the military in bringing down North Korean missiles... I better take this one back.

who is to blame?

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

One minute you hear, "Oh, he was a member of Antifa, and an a leftist atheist!..." The next, you hear, "No, he was a white, ex military, poster boy for the right..." Why is everyone trying to make this nutcase their political football? The trophy goes to no one but himself, a sick person who killed 27 AMERICANS; which is what I thought we all once were... Oh, now the latest red herring... We've come to find out he was taking prescribed, psychotropic medication. I would hope so! Face it, some people just choose to be evil!

the war on drugs.

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Granted, heroin addiction is a tragic disease, and my heart goes out to those hooked on this drug; but states like California are now setting up legal and free heroin clinics, where addicts are "safely" administered their fix so as to "assure the less likelihood of overdose or the possibility of contracted HIV and eventually aids." This is compassionate in some respect, however many of these clinics open doors are lined outside with dealers trying to sell their goods which defeats its goal. As a libertarian, I once argued for such methods as I believed that it would eliminate the crime element. Yet, countries like The Netherlands are now abandoning their "anything goes" policy because of the increase of addiction, homelessness, and unwanted immigrants traveling to their country, just to engage in legal drug abuse. Notwithstanding, my argument against governments enabling drug addicts such as those that abuse heroin, is if in fact it is a disease, where does it fairly end? The government doesn't pay for insulin for those with the disease, diabetes. Why not pay for every complaint in life? Everyone has a burden, not of there choosing, to bear... those that end up abusing heroin, chose their burden. That said, I believe drug abuse, for the most part, should be decriminalized, and "the war on drugs" money would be better served on hospitals to treat such patients whose stay is paid for BY DONATIONS, OR THEIR OWN FAMILY FINANCIAL MEANS. We should, instead, use funds to go after the criminals who supply the product. That sounds simplistic to the left (who propose the same remedy for violence, by outlawing guns). But their are better ways to decriminalize the abuser, and at the same time, assisting them in ending their addiction.

passing thoughts

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I miss you so much,
Though I hardly knew you;
You probably don't give
Me a passing thought...
It was a year ago
That I one day met you,
I've counted the days.
Your sweet smile
Welcomed me one day,
And I swooned at glance-
You were the easiest person
To approach I had ever met,
And I felt accepted by you.
I was so alone in this world,
I wanted to die at that time-
I probably put too much
Hope in your friendship,
Yes I fell hard for you!
I don't know a night
I did not cry over you-
You became my saving grace
And I sensed you pulling away.
You did not lead me on, my friend,
I was empty, and in need of God-
But I replaced Him with other people;
Still, oh sweet Seashell,
How I wish we were again friends-
You still live in my heart,
And I will always pray for you...
Again, take care, my friend,
I will be thinking about you.

only love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

So you've moved mountains,
You've parted the great sea-
And even spoke the tongues of angels;
Show me the cross you bear!
I've been in the shoes you pamper-
Oh how they felt so snug
While tending to blistered soles...
Blind, yet baying like a seeing eye dog,
One can fool their own heart
Into believing they are the remnant;
When only love can determine that.

all things become new

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Here we must part,
Old friend of mine-
While the autumn leaves
Turn, the mind is renewed;
The one that I knew so well
Is now a stranger unto me-
The straight & narrow
Beckon me, & time is running
Out on all of your old ways;
It was dog eat dog in your heart...
But the lion now lies with lamb.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley
I am but human-
God gave me his
Love, and I created
A mere religion;
Selfish though I am,
He cared enough that
He became like me,
And gave up His life
So that I would have
His; and now all I have
To do is thank Him...
Being human, I made
It too complicated.

things that matter

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

While a friend and I were enjoying each other's company at IHOP tonight, a gentleman sat across from us wearing a "God is good" hat. My friend commented and introduced himself to him, as we are both Christians. The guy went on to tell us that he was a "prophet" and was about to start a prison ministry. Every other word outta his mouth was "I," but an occasional "hallelujah!" After listening to him go on and on about "his" ministry, we decided it was time to leave. Well, he decided to have a smoke, and follow us out. I had to use my walker tonight cause I had a fall last week; I was having a hard time getting into my car. I told him I had major knee surgery 11 months ago and am still going through physical therapy. But I explained that it was nothing, as I have gone through 27 such surgeries in my life. He got real serious, and asked why. I told him I was born with spina bifida. I should have just kept my mouth shut, I knew what I was in for. He looked at me real serious and said, "a prayer by a man of God can move mountains." I explained that I too am a prayerful person, and that God has healed me of many things. That wasn't good enough for him, but before he could give me the "you can walk like me" speech, I just kindly told him, "His grace is sufficient for me." "You don't understand," he said, "God doesn't want you like that."  I rebutted, "no, I see it as a gift, sir... if I had not had this disability, I might not have needed God in the first place... in the second place, I can be an encouragement to others through my overcoming my disability." He took a long drag off of his cigarette, and scoffed, "well, keep your gift then..." I smiled back, "thank you, maybe God can help you stop smoking..." I was not being condescending, I was hopefully helping a very young believer see beyond things that don't really matter. What matters is that the world is hurting, and God loves everyone. God didn't make a mistake in how he created you, he created YOU as he did for His purpose...

I fear so much

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Thunder roars,
Yet the rain is soft-
I fear so much...
Peace is elusive
Like a secure friend-
My bones are weary,
Though the Lord's
Mercy is my companion;
What have I suffered?
I am but a spoiled
Child that appreciates
Not His watchful hand-
Blind are my wise eyes,
That see only their own.

Recycled words

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Recycled words get in the way
When I reach inside of novel pain,
Trying to say what's not been said-
So few words, and yet so many scars...
Why bother? All is redundant!
Pain is the lot I've been given,
The essence of my very being-
Physical & emotional are interchangeable,
One feeds off of the other:
I am burning at both ends...
I hear the the silence of compassion
And the mockery of false morality-
I am my own worst enemy, thank you!
Recycled words are all I have to give you,
Be careful in how you twist them...

Scotty E: Episode two

Episode two of "Aboard my train of thought with Scott E" is now available on the video page...

Unquenchable thirst

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Sweet woman of my thirst,
My lips are so parched-
Oh, to lay in your arms;
You are my reservoir of strength
Amidst the desertous, dark world-
How I want to love you
Like you have never known love;
You are my heart's treasure...
Never to be buried.

A thousand lifetimes

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Should I have but one day,
I'd live a thousand lifetimes-
All that I've ever desired
Would be spent in loving you;
You, oh woman, are my life,
And all that l am is my worth-
Only you can give it merit...
I want you, and I'll want you
For a thousand lifetimes more.

if only you were here

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Holding you in my thoughts,
My fingers stroke your hair-
I could love you all night & day,
If only you were here...
The kiss of a thousand lifetimes,
I'd die for just one chance-
Your beauty is ever so unmatched,
My heart beats to nature's dance.
My love for you is enduring,
It's seen so many years-
It's been through the tempering fire
And survived the many tears.
Your name is written on my soul,
Eternally I'll be yours, my dear;
Loving every inch of you-
If only, if only you were here...

eternal Threefold flame

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Oh my love,
My heart was made
To love the very thought of you,
My soul was created
To one day entwine
And become who you are,
How my body desires
To embrace your all
And never to unfold,
Becoming the eternal
Threefold flame with you-
Time is but a wait until
Our love is soon realized,
And life begins anew.

I hear your silence

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I hear your silence-
The absence of the
One meant to love;
Two souls that fused
Into one at inception,
Then ripped apart by
Age and distance-
I hear your silence,
Like a deaf child
Would his own heart.

heaven's splendor

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

That day when I will love you,
The moon and stars will feign
To be all of heaven's splendor-
You, my lover, are its epitome...
I treasure you jealously,
My heart stands watch in wait;
My sweet desire of desires-
Our souls have always belonged.

helpless in a gaze

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Oh, sweet love of my life,
To look upon you is salvation-
I thirst, yet you satisfy all;
Consumed by your mystique,
I am water to your lips...
I am helpless in a gaze,
For I long for eternity's promise
Of passions not yet realized.


First issue of Scotty E is now available on the video page...

awaiting the hereafter

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Embedded into my heart,
The world cannot take you away from me-
My sweet friend that I love above all,
I would breathe my last without your
Protective hand to cover me;
I hold you deep in my soul,
As a mother with child, and await the hereafter-
There, all things are new,
And we will be all that God meant for us.

What is a name?

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A little interesting information. The reason I chose the name, "Seven Springs Sound," for our studio is sentimental in nature. I married my wife almost 16 years ago. She was raised on 180 acres of land, nine miles east of Lawton, and we now reside on 80 acres of it. The land was originally homesteaded by a wealthy English sheep rancher, along with his French wife, around 1870, before Oklahoma was a state. He was then friendly to the Native American population who called this area the "place of the seven springs" because of its wealth of underwater tables and natural springs. My wife's family bought the property in 1917 after he had died, and our 80 acres of it will go on to future descendents on her side of the family from here on, when all have passed. So Seven Springs Sound seemed to me the perfect name for our family owned recording business...

revisiting pain

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

You wrapped me in your arms
When mine were defenceless,
Sweet solace you gave to me-
Your imagined love gave a face
To a freak of nature that
Should never have been born;
This was the real pain I knew...
I am just now confronting
Things I buried along the way;
This pain is fresh and anew...
My love for you is lifelong.

all that you do

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

All of the pain,
All of the tears-
You took them...
Sweet friend,
You remain in
My life- I can
Never sever the
Bond I have found;
You ease the ache
Of emptiness...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'll never forget when my daughter asked me if she could have a tattoo.
"Daddy, you remember me telling you I want a tattoo someday?"
"Yeah..." I answered.
"Well, I thought I'd ask you..."
"What kind of tattoo?" I retorted with a question.
"Not a real big one, on my back... nobody'd see it!"
"Well, your not eighteen yet..." I protested.
"Yes, but I made really good grades this semester, I have my drivers licence, I have a job, and you said...."
"Alright, alright," I sighed, "it's your money and your body!"
"Thanks daddy, your the bestest daddy in the world!"
"I'm sure I am..." I said as she hugged me.
"Oh, by the way, I already got it. Mom okayed it, but I just wanted your approval anyway..."

Scotty E.

The first episode of "Aboard My Train of Thought with Scotty E" will be uploaded to YouTube and this site by Friday, October 27th...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Drawing a line under the years
I have struggled to forget,
I cease to relive them again-
What was done was done...
I live again, and make new;
My life will not be controlled
By fear of the past any longer,
I will controll it, be rid of it,
And totally forgive and forget it.

finally rolling away stones

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Something missing has been found--
Tonight I touched the raw pain,
And it ran away like a wild rabbit!
My heart knows no more guilt
Though I realize it's revenge is nigh;
Years of forgotten scars wait
Their turn to be lanced by God's grace-
Thank you, Jesus,  one stone is moved!

who's on the other side?

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Don't fear the mirror,
A child in need awaits
You on the other side-
You know him well,
For he cries bitter tears
with the same eyes,
Cries for your help
With the same tongue;
Do not disregard him...
Only he can change you.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

All that we are is what we've seen,
Your world is at my mercy-
Yet the hand of hatred cannot
Outreach the arms of love;
I can either make a difference,
Or let the world spin on its own-
Compassion can move mountains,
Or mountains can become impassable;
I have a choice...

laughter in my soul

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

You know who you are,
The one that enraptures my heart!
How could you not?
For you always have, my love;
One look at you
Is a cool drink on a hot day-
My love for you is my life's
Greatest reason to be;
The laughter in my soul
Delights in its sweet torment-
Happy is the heart that loves you.

oh, what the night would tell

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

How I've always loved the woman of my dreams,
I just never awoke with her in my arms-
To dream my life away, I'd give it all...
Just to be with her, I'd embrace the delusion;
Sweet would be her kiss upon my tired brow,
Drawn would be my caress about her body-
Oh, what the night would tell!
I forever love the woman I'll never have,
Yet the salve of my soul comforts me
In knowing she is free and fulfilled.

the struggle everyone knows

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

What to do with these desires,
Shall I burn with futility?
My heart awaits heaven
But the earth flaunts her cleavage,
And I'm totally lost again-
Surely God understands this struggle!
"If one eye offends ye..."
But If both eyes offend ye?
I have nothing of myself
To hold or believe in-
YOU will have to fight this battle.

My woman

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

What is love,
But a need to give
Of oneself to another?
How I yearn to give-
I am so old,
Yet my heart is so young;
I want so bad to be loved
By a woman who loves
With fire, and yet
Satiates like cool water-
My heart cannot rest
Until I find her...

someone loves you dearly

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My heart is stilled
When I think of you not in my life-
You have been my compass,
You have been my friend;
And though you've never known me,
You have always known me-
I think about you every hour,
And thank God for you In my life.

weekly video podcast

Starting October 21, 2017 Seven Springs Sound productions will begin recording video podcasts featuring yours truly. The show, "Aboard My Train of Thought with Scotty E" will be showcased weekly on YouTube and the video page of this web site... Stay tuned.

I want to change

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm letting go of everything-
Gonna walk in the face of laughter,
Dare to be who I was created to be;
The past has had its day-
God, prepare me a new beginning,
And keep me steadfast upon it.

silent tears

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Tears have become redundant-
What purpose do they serve?
Silence is the only scream
That is audible to a busy world;
But it hardly matters to anyone,
For so silently does the rain fall-
And yet, nobody wants to get wet.

nowhere to go

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

It doesn't matter, no!
Just ask the average Joe-
Joe don't wanna know...
You gotta show'em the doe!
Heartless ain't it though,
That there's nowhere to go
Where it matters ever so-
Just ask the average Joe.

Broken windows

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Loss for words,
Words at a loss-
Can't reach deep
Enough to feel;
Closed doors,
Reward for the
Broken windows-
I live in a glass
House here on.

lingering words

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When words are over
Are you any better off?
Some things are better
Left unsaid-
You can't put them back!
Like a spoiled fish finger
They'll forever linger...
So, before your words,
You'd better think-
Or what you said
Just might leave a stink.

after the fire

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Incinerated bridges behind me,
Fires that blazed long ago-
Was it me that burned them down?
I don't know how to rebuild them,
Or if you even want them rebuilt...

you owe me nothing

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm missing you today-
Oh, it's quite normal,
I miss you everyday;
You probably don't give
Me a passing thought-
That's okay, I never
Required anything from
You to love you always.

societal orthodoxy

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

No one wants to know-
The sad truth is,
No one wants to know;
You got a mind? So what?
If you stand stark naked,
No one gives a damn!
Take a number, and shut up-
Fall straight into line,
Walk the straight line
And don't dare think;
Who do you think you are?
Well buddy, not here your not!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

What I'm writing isn't about you
In case you have cause to believe so-
A bit egocentric, don't you think?
You always think it's all about you,
You're very self centered that way;
You should really just get over yourself...
Now don't go and get all mad...
I'm not writing this about you at all!

with me always

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

If I ever forget you,
I will have forgotten everything-
Impressions are forever etched,
Your face frequents my mind
As your voice plays like a song;
You will be with me always...
Whether I like it, or not.

sex education

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I taught my boy all about sex way before the public schools could ever get a hold of him. All was great, until the second grade, when the teacher complained she just couldn't, no matter how hard she tried, convince him that 1+1 did NOT equal 3 just cause his daddy said so!

I've cleaned house

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm waiting for the police to arrive-
I just killed all the voices in my head...
It was a most terribly bloody scene my
Mind had ever fathomed, or conjured up-
The Low self-esteemers, I usurped
With motivational psychobabble-
Depression, who had me down for years,
Knew that things looked quite grim for its self,
And so took its own life-
Paranoia got a taste of its own medicine,
Feared it coming, and had long already fled... All that was left was the Naysayers....
"What have ye to do with us?" They demanded,
"Depart from my head, ye heathen!" I said.
Of course they retorted in the negative,
So I then read them a hard back copy of,
"How To Win Friends and Influence People"-
They at once embodied a herd of pigs
And fell from their stiff upper lips, to die...
I've cleaned house, I've structured my
Thoughts with a new frame of mind-
I just hope the authorities will go easy on me.

The next morning

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Pardon me,
But I think I left my heart here-
I won't bother you for long,
It must have fallen off of my sleeve;
I realize that you have no use for it...
Oh, here it is, right where I expected;
You could have simply called before
You put it in the garbage-
Yes, it IS quite special to me, actually...
Oh, No problem, I'll pay for the stains
On the carpet where it bled all night!
Well, I'll be going now,
You doing anything this weekend?

slowly dying

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I've opened up my eyes wide,
I'm facing what I fear the most-
I'm lancing the wounds festering
Inside of my thickened skin;
I've got to tear down the walls
Of comfort, let the pain inside,
And let it bleed until it is done!
It will hurt! It will try to kill!
But I can't deny I am already
Slowly, ever so slowly, dying.

heart surgery

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My heart is broken-
It will never be fixed
At a repair shop,
There are no pieces
To put back together;
It's not as complex as
A puzzle or appliance-
To mend it, all it needs
Is a simple, "Hello."


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

For the first time,
I walk alone-
No affirming hand
To guide me,
No encouraging
Words to push me;
I'm going in circles,
Trying to find
The arms of love-
Anywhere, in
Anyone at all.

Diaspora of my soul

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Only half of who I am
Is the man I have become-
My heart is stained with
Sixty years of inception;
What am I to do with
All of the pain unspoken?
The dark is a daunting foe,
But I know the passage
Is my reckoning with it.

oops!!!!! Wrong Button

Technology is scary these days... while messing around with my smartphone, I accidentally selected "Airplane mode," and took off...

facing the truth

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Shuddering scared from fear,
I can't touch what I feel-
Sensitive to sensory like
I'm allergic to being,
All that I am is vile;
I can't open my eyes,
I might see myself, and run.

A meaningful hug

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Arms around me, undeserved,
Five seconds of grace-
I'm the lowest of low,
Yet you clothed me in purple;
You are the kindest heart
I have found in my long search...
I thank you so much.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

This is the end-
The beginning of sorrows
As the floodgates open;
Rivers of blood flowing
Like a broken artery-
No rock can hide me;
Death comes like
A Morningstar-
This the beginning.

choose to love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

You can't make someone love you,
No matter how hard you bleed...
The sad thing about love is-
You can never stop loving them,
For love is an eternal gift from God...
You can choose to hate them instead,
Because you care enough about them;
But it's better to just love them anyway.

one big hole

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Holes keep appearing
Throughout my whole life-
My heart knows of holes
And so does my head;
When I finally one day die,
I'll find myself in a hole-
I don't know how many
Holes I've dug myself into,
But someone could tell you;
I am one big hole-
I keep falling through myself,
And I can't get out.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Santa Rosa took your soul,
Mine's been lost ever since-
October 5th, of eighty three,
Was the loss of my innocence;
One bullet was all you needed,
I wish it was that simple for me-
Why did I choose to live it out?
You had planned it out so brilliantly!
I never had a chance to thank you
For leaving me, a life behind-
How kind, you son of a bitch,
This date is forever etched in my mind;
And now I come to my crossroads,
I too think about life and death-
I too want to die every other day
With every living breath;
But what you did was so selfish,
You took the easy road- to my hell...
You gutted my heart for quick peace;
Tell me, did it serve YOU well?
Oh friend, how could I not forgive you,
For you are still a part of me?
I'll die a thousand deaths for you,
Until we rest with God eternally.

nothing to say

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I can't think anymore,
I'm tired, weary, and blue-
I could say a million things,
But they are all
Dead inside of my head.

I am so lonely

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The severity of my heart untold,
I am so lonely-
I know so many, who dont know me,
And they will never know my pain...
Beat me down, please!
It's all I have to give you;
I still want to love so bad.

I want it back!

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Something irreplaceable is missing,
It's gone away, never to return-
Part of me is forever now dead;
Why it left, I'll never really understand,
It was so precious to me...
They say if you love something, let it go-
What the hell is wrong with their thinkin?
I want it back!

A sad remembrance

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Tears unseen are the longest falling
From out of eyes that've seen too much,
A smile resides on empty emotions-
Pain, addictive to those who don't feel,
Is contraband, and sold by the pill;
A sad remembrance in all who suffer...
Pray you're not one day one of them.

the Lord is my fortress

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Daunting footsteps from the past
Are but a phantom ghost,
I know the Savior holds me near-
Fear shall not rise from the dead,
I am alive in His grace and strength;
The Lord is my fortress, His walls secure-
His love, the munitions of my heart...
His light guides me away from wrong,
And back upon his straight path.

ambiguous ambience

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Ambiguous ambience,
The beautiful gloom of October;
Winter's precursor tells us that
Death comes before life anew-
Seasonal forbearance,
For springtime is in utero;
Tomorrow's child is today's need.

useless heart

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Countless are the hours
Spent in my heart,
That should have been
Spent in my head-
But I'm a romantic fool,
And I have no brain-
My heart beats on impulse...
All the loves that I've loved
I've loved with all of it-
Yet all the loves that I've
Loved, love to break it;
It certainly is not at all
What it is cracked up to be!

Never again

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The line I follow
Now draws itself
Painless; colors
Less luring, I see
Clearly the rain
And allow it to fall-
I know who I am,
And that's all I am;
Never again will
The heart steal
My Peace of mind.

safe boundaries

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Love's curfew has been met,
The heart within my watch-
Anesthetized and bound,
The beast is no bigger than
What my mind has created;
Foolish tyrant, for it ruled for
So long with a beggars fist-
Now subject to willful resolve.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A withering heart dies ever so slowly,
So painful is its demise-
It's beating persists, nevertheless it's dead;
Never to be consumed with fire again...
None will write its eulogy,
For they never knew the story-
A brilliant light is now dimmed
And ours is a now a bleaker world;
Take the time to really know one another...
The world is worth making a brighter place.

the human condition

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My contrite heart, a filthy rag-
My plea for forgiveness,
Nothing but an out-
My worship, vain glory;
Yet you know my human condition,
Your righteousness became so-
We don't have to measure up
To what is impossible...
For you made all things possible.

give me a shovel!

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Trying to find tomorrow
Out of pieces of today,
Stuck knee deep in regret-
Wasted years of self pity;
There's a world of need
Within my heartfelt reach-
Give me new eyes to see,
A shovel to break ground;
God, get me off this couch!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

In the dark of the sky
There's a crack of light-
The storm will only last
Until the rain depletes;
And when all is said and done,
The rain benefits all of life-
So why fret over the storm?

can't sleep

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The night plays like a child-
Spent trying to sleep while
Words keep coming back to me;
Too many miles from nowhere
Yet stuck right here-
I don't know anyone anymore,
They've all moved inside themselves;
The moon looks so mournful tonight,
Why, he's only half himself...

everyone I dislike is Hitler (indicative of both left and right)

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Faces neith the deep,
Self deluded with hate-
War monger minded
Midgets, worshipping
Their bellies with the blood
Sacrifices of innocents
At their putrid pig lips-
How do they live with

Lord, protect my child

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

He's got his father's eyes-
Yes, my watch upon him is intense...
God, protect my boy,
He's so trusting and naive;
The world is a fiery furnace,
We're in your mold, but it can scorch us-
Surround him with your goodness,
And make His eyes clear with discernment.

a manic

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Trying to get a hold of peace,
But it runs like a striped ape!
Lay me down to sleep,
My mind is a rabid hamster wheel
That's locked in acceleration-
Manic moments such as these
Are quite creative, but destructive;
Delusionary euphoria eats my mind
Like Captain Crunch, and saves
The rest for lunch. It's a matter
Of time out before Junior raises
A banana, and marigolds make their
Their way past mammograms
Of mattresses.... only to find an eye
Ball in the left socket of a pool table!
But all of this, of course, is sexual
In nature, or nurture, depending on
Your strange habits; that being said,
What is a striped ape, anyway?

here for a season

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I could have nestled in her hair-
Slightly auburn, like winter's blanket;
She might have been a stranger,
But I took up with her right away...
Her eyes flashed like ships sending
Morse code, though I couldn't copy-
We're they sending, "get closer to me?"
I guess I will never really know for sure,
She's gone like the winter that brought her.

I remember

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

It was you-
A sweet hand touched me-
Oh, how I wanted it to...
Something I'll feel forever
You gave to me so freely;
I so wanted to give it back,
But I was too much in love...

the face of friendship

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My heart has a face-
It looks like yours
When you're happy-
It feels like yours
When you're down;
Friends don't just
Share the same heart-
We share what we face...

distant prayers

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My soul, turned to ice-
Warmth from distant love-
I feel your prayers
In my beaten down spirit;
The heart speaks in ways
That the tongue cannot-
Oh sister, under your wings
Have I found the light again.

you are there

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Broken pieces of strength
Are all I have inside,
Your sweet touch can
Only solidify them-
Just the look of you
Can rebuild the bridge
Between my heart
And wandering soul;
I need you in my life,
Thank you, you are there...

my one true friend

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Searching this world,
Looking for you
In every eye I met-
In every heart that
Beat; my soul
Companion, the
Lady of my esteem-
And finding you
in the song that
Opened my eyes
To my beating

mercy I don't deserve, but is freely given

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Dead to the world,
I've nailed it all to the door-
That is my only hope
Of regaining my life;
I can't see beyond myself,
For I'm drowning in my tears-
Drunken in my numerous sins,
I lay vomiting on the curbside...
But the door opens once more.

I wanna know...

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Why is it legal to pay
A politician to vote
A certain way,
And call it lobbying...
But yet it is illegal
To pay a disc jockey
To promote one band
Over the rest,
And call it payola?
After all, either way,
Both result in a song and dance...

Only the blues

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

It's only the blues,
They'll fade like my jeans-
Just like them, I've got holes;
The one in my soul
Has swallowed me whole,
But it's only the blues...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Poverty of the soul, indebted to none,
my tears a tithe to unforgiveness-
Love is a vagrant on a busy street,
Wandering aimlessly, dodging traffic;
Miles ahead with nowhere to go,
Accolades but nothing to show-
Nothing means a thing anymore;
Caught in a prison of flight,
I have no one to call my home.

where are you?

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Scattered pieces I am without you,
Torn and frayed-
My mind withered and defused;
The laughter of the pain
Shouts with fury unleashed-
Where are you?
I need you like a blanket of life!

Still I want you

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Hanging on to impossible
Like a gasp of breath,
I stand alone without fear-
I've nothing left to hide
Except for telling you so;
I'm in love with a ghost,
A memory awaits your return-
If only it were possible...

so tired

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost!
Finding myself amiss,
I know just where I am-
Shooting my shadows in the dark,
I don't want to be my own amputee
But I'm so tired, so tired, so tired...

dissatisfied soul

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Two faces, one head-
A thousand tongues
Blown by the wayward winds;
Two ships at sea
Going in opposite directions;
How do I live with myself?

perfect strangers

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

In the far distant past,
All that I presently am
I foresaw not-
The person I knew best,
May not be myself;
Stranger though I am,
I think I know who I am-
Though I may really
Be fooling myself.

The Battle

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Puzzles of missing pieces-
Words unspoken yet heard
Like dictates from nowhere;
My eyes open to my heart
For the first time in my life-
A feral cry, a babe or a man;
Who among me shall live?

a brief interlude

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When all hope had left me,
There you were-
A brief interlude between miseries;
You have no idea how important
You were to me at that time-
And I, just a mere passing breeze
Moving in your beautiful hair;
Life is not the same and you gone-
But I'm sure someone else is
Dancing like the wind now...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Living in daydreams,
It's all I've ever known-
Reality, for what it's worth,
I've never really understood;
It's a far better world inside
Of my thick noggin-
No hurt, no heartache,
And the most wonderful
lady God could've given me;
Reality? I tend to stay away...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

What is the cost of losing it all?
Tell me, oh tell me, what
Have I to gain by hanging on?
A biological organism,
That is all that I am!
I've lost whatever I once had...
Maybe I grew up-
Yes, maybe the inner child
Is disenchanted with adulthood!
Well, the inner child was always
A sorry ass, panty waste anyway-
He'd better straighten up or he'll
"End up in jail someday, stupid!"
Sometimes I wonder if I could just
Return my soul back to God...
It's redeemable, worth atleast 5 cents-
Will the world please give me something
Or someone to hold on to!

rites of passage

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When you've loved in the face of laughter,
You've earned your passage into Fooldom-
A rite very few have endured and entered;
But when you have loved as much as a friend,
And the laughter is that much louder-
There is no place like Fooldom to find rest;
For now you are not only a fool, but an ass,
And there is a different name for the place for them-
Where they are given a hole in the ground to crawl into...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

No arms to hold me,
A motherless child-
A fatherless panty waste!
Love is out of the question...
I don't ask questions anymore.
When reality hits,
It's the size of a boulder-
This sintered ball of loniness
Has finally caught up with me;
A void has swallowed me up,
And vomited me out like bile-


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

There's a fire in my belly
To love you all the way-
To take you into my arms
Tonight, until the day;
You are all I ever want,
And all I'll ever need,
I'll make love till you give in,
And just finally concede;
These eyes so adore you, babe,
You're all I ever see-
I'll love you past the futures end-
With no hyperbole!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

How I want to know you,
How I know I want you!
I want to know how...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I have found my heart in your eyes-
Resounding thumps of passion
for the lady that so captured it,
That refuse to return back unto me;
A new home, my heart has found
It's refuge, a garden of love-
How I would follow my heart,
But it has left little room for reality.

the sweetest flower

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The lover of my soul
Is my tongue's sweetest morsel,
Though my lips have never
Touched her- the woman
Who should own this kiss,
Has held my heart for
Two and thirty years;
I so love this flower-
I am the rain, how I desire
To fall upon her petals....

A candle of love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Your beauty transcends the skin,
It's so much deeper than that-
It encompasses the world about you;
An incandescent spirit, a candle of love...
You are a light unto this world, my love-
Your flame has jumped onto my wick

our restless chaperone

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When I am with you,
Time is our restless chaperone;
While we while away the hours,
Time feels a bit ignored-
When nothing to do but
Twiddle his bored thumbs,
We make time of our own.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Quietly in her bearing
Is the essence of my desire-
She, like no other woman,
Strikes the heart with joy;
How be It she can do no wrong?
And yet, she has stolen my peace-
Ambiguity never seemed sweeter.

revolving door

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When I think of you
My thoughts begins to studder-
Over and over, words repeat
To the pleasure of pain-
Pain my heart can bear no more;
Yet, peace of mind seems
That much more cruel-
Than this pleasurable
Revolving door.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

She is the Sun,
When the moon is faceless-
So softly she takes my heart
And gives it a name;
I know who I am,
For I am the one she loves.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Mended fences-
Guarded are the once vulnerable
And visible cracks of light;
No trespassing! Nothing shared-
All that was once lent, is stolen;
Rent is past due on lost time,
Looted thoughts, and caring...

if time were to beg

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The night was still with lonely sleep
When my soul was suddenly stirred,
The midnight hour had lured me
In a maze of passions for you-
I tossed and turned for hours
And then cried out with my heart!
In what seemed like startling thunder,
I was of the sudden taken to a place
Where body and spirit part ways;
My ethereal likeness, in immediacy,
Found me at your sweet bedside;
I fell to my knees In reverence to you-
I felt ashamed and began to leave,
But a soft, warm, and loving hand
Held my arm, and pulled me near...
I saw a soul, so beautiful as never seen,
I then realized it was you, my love-
Music could never have be so majestic,
Beauty had never been so addressed...
The love we shared in our eternal moment
Was beyond physical capacity and bliss,
For we had more than just made love-
Our souls had intertwined, fused, & transformed;
We departed, though we actually never would again,
For we now had a universe within us that was ours alone-
A place that defies all of time...
A hiding place that no one, and nothing could steal-
If time were to beg, I would not pity him!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A night's game of confusion
While sleep slowly slips away-
& Abandoned by my better wits-
I wallow on sharpened nails;
The daunting dragons of dread are
At loggerheads of fire & sword...
As the dawn finds me holding on
To the fading vapors of eventide,
I succumb to the knowledge
Foolishness has taken the plunder.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley
Questions never asked
Are empty glasses
Of water never served
To the thirsty- faith,
The sum of questions,
And answers to them
Is a gradual process-
Just like a relationship,
It takes time to grow;
Later, faith learns to
Be blind, and to trust
As you would your mate-
Yet it all starts with
Questioning; God wants
You to find the truth
For yourself! People
Make it too complicated...

Excuse me while i kiss the sky

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley
A true genius trapped in gimmickry,
They screwed you-
Nevermind your great talent, we'll pay double
To see you copulate with your amp!
Set the stage on fire, Jimi, we're bored
With seeing you play with your teeth;
Hey, maybe a little more acid, man?
Music? Yeah, Jimi, we know you were
Made for that, but money comes first.
Hey, Jimi, what's all this spiritual stuff?
What you need is a little more dope, bro!
Yes Jimi, the Sun IS polk-a-dotted...
Everything you say is right!
No one will ever say no to you, Jimi!
Jimi... Jimi... wakeup!
Well, guys, he's gone... wasn't he a genius?
Oh, how much we loved him so...
Well, there's more money to be made, boys!

the demise of darkness

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The night dies in a bed of shame
As it whithers into darkness,
For no light will acknowledge it-
Cruel though it be, twilight
Has become the day. How be it
That the light has slipped away?
A pyre of ash remains all of hope
As gloom remains in our hearts-
Yet a new Morning Star has risen,
And the aphotic now banished
To an earthen grave.

engraved in my soul

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When I first loved you, the world as I knew it stood still. Oblivious to all, I knew only of time spent thinking upon you. But a life before, I was aware in my soul that someone was missing. A deep hole had grown within, a hunger bled throughout my psyche. Alienation was my state of being. Such as that all changed once knowing of you. I sensed with immediacy a relation, whether it was spiritual or not, I did not know. I just knew that an innate friendship was engraved in my soul with yours.
I felt a sense of belonging to you, whereas before, I never felt I ever belonged at all. How I wanted just to talk with you. Be with you. Were you my sister from long ago? I began to question my doubts about reincarnation, for you grew in my soul along with me into manhood, but your closeness never subsided.
Years into the future, fortune finally lent itself as we finally met. This monumental moment of my life is so precious to me. It brought closure to many questions that puzzled me for years. Yes, I can now say there was a definite purpose in our being introduced, that there is a connection between us, whether or not it is spiritual remains an enigma... and that you were, and always will be a part of me. Knowing that, being separated from you is tolerable, for I know we will always be together.

ferry across time

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Listen, and you will hear the footsteps of my soul-
So reverently it comes to kiss the one it loves so dear;
It will take you in its arms, and hide you in its tenderness-
So sweetly rocking you, my heart's child;
Never to leave you, my soul is yours to cling to-
Hold on, It'll be your ferry across time,
Until we both shall pass through heaven's harbor.

A poor tribute

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

There are some things that
Are too beautiful to be said-
Words that cannot be described;
When I've explored your sweet eyes,
And I see into the soul of the woman
Who has softly caged my heart,
Tears fall like pearls of rain-
They are gestures in gratitude
For the friendship of our souls;
A friendship that separation
Cannot keep apart... I think of all
The years I've loved you, and I am
Thankful I have had you to carry
In times of darkness; my love,
This is my poor attempt of tribute
To the unspeakable beauty my
My eyes have ever fallen upon
And the indescribable joy you have
Brought into my life, please forgive its shortcomings...

the wind, the rain, and the sun

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The wind knows her,
For it loves to play
Upon her hair- the
Rain competes with
Itself to fall upon
Her lovely skin; nature
Is the fortunate reciever
Of my lady's attention-
How lucky to catch
Her beautiful eyes,
Or draw attention
To her inquisitive mind;
If I were the wind & rain,
I'd never let her see
A sunny day- for the
Sun jealously shimmers
For hours all about her.

Under My Watchful Esteem

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Take my heart-
Let me show you
How I was made
To love you; for I
Have swooped you
Up like a child, and
placed you forever
Under my watchful
Esteem- this is a love
So meant to be, that
It grows continuously;
Transcending death,
This fire shall outpace
Time, and burn in
Our eternal souls;
I will forever love you,
Even if our flesh
Shall never touch...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I once had a nose job,
It did not pay well:
Where once my nose was elastic-
The damn thing now is made of plastic!
Oh, it's great at Christmas parties,
I can take it off just for a gag
I can wear any style I choose,
Pardon me, if I brag...
But one night I went out on a date
And after all was done and said,
I went home realizing something was amiss-
It must have fell off in her bed!!!!!
So here I sit too embarrassed to call her,
Cause feel like a total disgrace-
I'm going to have to go work tomorrow
With a great big hole in my face.
Oh, yes I do regret having it done,
I don't care how long of a nose, really!
It was much nicer when it entered the room
So much earlier than me...
So if you're thinking of having one done,
You'd better think twice about it hard-
And learn to measure the way you love yourself,
At least by the cubic yard.

who among them are we?

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm too young to be as old as I am,
But I'm too wise to be young at heart-
I know that time is of the essence
And foolishness and purpose soon part;
A mission we are all at birth given-
A life to do unto others
Is what will bring us one day all home,
Take the time for your sisters and brothers;
The hand that fed you
Never bit at your heels-
We'll know the sheep from the goats
The day Heaven reveals
The givers and the takers,
Who among them are we?
When we stand before God
And all his Majesty.

Till The Seas Run Dry

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

So gently, I loved you all night in my mind-
Words that were yours, from my heart,
Covered you with petals of devotion;
I kissed you and kissed you, and never tired-
Oh beautiful one, how I'd kiss you more!
So disappointed I was when the Sun arose,
For I could have dreamed a thousand years;
My love for you will wait till the seas run dry.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Why do we wear hats?
Some endeavor hiding
thinning follicles of hair,
While some simply have
A point- on top of their
Heads; style has become
A euphemism for altering
One's true colors- hats
Are fine, if you want to
Put a lid on it...

Stolen moments

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Stolen moments-
The flicker of fading
From my memory
All that has been
Lost- pieces of
My life gone like
Yesterday's pay;
Left indebted again
To the empty pockets
Of my mind.

jam session

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I picked up my guitar last night,
My fingers complained bitterly-
Practice makes perfect sense;
I tinkered around with a tune
That I decided I had heard-
I feared I'd lost the magic,
But kept on playing anyway;
I laid back in the dim light,
And dozed off while playing
In the key of Zzzzzz...
I picked up my guitar last night.

Silent eyes

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley
Who's scars go unnoticed?
Retribution will one day
Fall like a lead brick!
The meek may feel the
Whip on their skin, yet, the
Tables will turn like a wheel!
The cheek that is turned,
Is out of the way of
The coming wrath;
Silent eyes are watching
Your back...

hand of grace

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Wandering steps forward backwards,
I don't see the river's end-
Waters of deception up to my knees,
Fearing I'll drown in my own confusion;
The undertow has me down,
And guilt has me hopelessly weighted-
When then the hand of grace plunges deep,
And pulls me to the river's edge.

A thought away

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When there is no other friend,
And the night is so very dark-
Know that I love you-
I am there with you in spirit,
As you have been for me;
My love for you transcends
Distance and separation;
I am the friend you
Never had to ask for...
I am always a thought away.

My Precious blush

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

All other flowers pale
Next to the sweet
Rose of my heart-
Pretty though they be,
This precious blush
Has decorated my life
With petals of pleasure;
It was the first to grow
In my eternal garden-
I shall tend to it lovingly.

eternal pleasure

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Oh woman of such sweetness,
You are how I breathe-
I cannot live without your
Image meeting my eyes;
I take joy in my love's
Declaration, and loving
you through my words-
I'll never tire of such
Pleasures throughout
Our eternal existence;
You are forever wrapped
Safely in my heart.

pulchram vocem

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

She moves me in ways
That prunes the reaches of ubiquity-
Such magnificence burns the soul,
Purifying its core, and releasing
Its need to touch the face of heaven;
To sit in her presence, is to hear
The far reaches of one's own heart-
This Princess reigns with melodic
Thunder, though her sonority is
Gentle; for she knows only kindness.

A friendship birthed before the stars

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A communion between hearts,
A friendship birthed before the stars-
No words need to be said between us
For our intimate souls are one;
Though a thousand miles apart,
Closely we cling to one another-
One day, our love will mature,
And God will prepare a new life;
And the love we have always shared
Will come unto its own fruition
Of actuality...

My reassurance

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm never letting you go-
Though I walked away once,
My heart belongs in your hold;
No other woman is your equal,
My soul has tasted nothing
As satiable, nor as sweet-
Oh lover of my eyes,
My love watches over you
And prays for you always;
I sense your prayers for me,
They are my reassurance
In this fortuitous world!

going home

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

We are all going home,
No matter which way we're going-
Some endeavor fame and fortune,
Others to be content in solitude;
We are all going home-
My soul longs to be housed in your
Eternal, loving arms, my precious one;
For that is home to me.

I am human

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My soul aches for its whole-
Parted from the heart that first held me,
I anguish in incompleteness;
My flesh yearning for the radix dance,
She shadow dances with pleasure-
I am human, a fact I must face,
The spiritual need not reject the sensual;
She is my divine gift of nature,
My eyes were created to gaze upon her-
How lucky they are, indeed.

know when to shut up

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When there's nothing left to say
Just what do you say?
When you've beaten a dead horse
Is he more dead than before?
I've things I've said over and again,
And still the need comes again-
When you've said what you've said
A thousand fold, one hundred more
Might just even the score.

yesterday's words

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Words come to me
In yesterday's suit;
They caress time's
Empty arms with
Coddling, they leave
Me holding on to
Past failing loves-
I am so lonely...

crossing the river

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

How many ticks have
I left of this tired tock?
The years behind me
All clamor to outpace
One another, as time
Scoffs at my hope
For future's longevity-
Reality casts an evil
Eye on hope, and I
Realize the days ahead
Are my worst enemy;
Only crossing the river
Will I know whether
There is another side-
No matter hard
I may believe it so...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Tired and worn,
My tread is wearing thin-
I've miles I've forgotten
And some I'd like to forget;
Rusty nails neith my skin,
And I'm flat broke-
Closed for maintenance,
The dirt road ahead
Is a dead end;
Life is a detour when
You're just moving along.

cheap labor

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I saw a monkey way high, up in a tree,
And wondered how it was to be so set free-
But it didn't take too long, to finally see
That the monkey in the tree, was really me!
They say that monkey see and monkey do,
Well that's just as true for humans too-
It's not farfetched, and you know It's true;
So read the rest of this, for the final clue...
Well, to the monkey in the tree, a lie was told-
Bananas were in the very top branches hold-
Ain't that just like humans who work for gold,
Only to be bought, and then cheaply sold?

heart of a child

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

So childlike and gentle-
She communes with nature's
Least salient creatures,
And calls them brothers;
If all of mankind had her heart,
No famine could touch
The lowest of the lowly-
I love this woman dearly...

The First And The Last

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Mended- I found her;
Nurtured- a melodic caress;
A dark world illuminated
By love's yearn for a woman-
Her voice like a mystery,
Crying out from the heart
But a heart hidden in shadows;
I knew this woman at first sight,
She was first, and is to be the last-
The moon & stars are hers to resist,
The Sun a light to reflect her beauty;
I stand in view of her majesty
And kiss the ground she graces-
She is my reason, my fire, my verve.

unfinished circle

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The one time I heard your voice,
I hold to my heart with joy-
Oh, the sweet sound of the one
Whom I have always loved so dear;
To receive a call from you again
Is the impossible dream-
How I wish we were close, my love,
Life is an unfinished circle without you.

Stealer Of My Peace

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The look of you excites me,
No other woman ignites such fire-
To hold you- I'd give all of the world!
Your soul burns right through my eyes,
And captures my helpless heart;
Quiet and demure, yet prowler,
Stealer of my peace of mind-
How I want you like no other...

Fused Hearts

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Two spirits gallavanting
Across all of totality,
Their aim stands as one-
Love is theirs to galvanize
And to stir the heavens;
As soul mates till eternity's
Impossible undoing
In a very lonely world,
They are not at all alone,
For they have one another;
Apart, they remain adjoined-
Music is their fused heart,
It beats in a language
Only that which they know;
Eternal love is evident
In melodies and words,
Songs that sweetly foretell
A distant lifetime of passion-
A man will love his woman
With his every breath,
As he has loved her
Throughout all of eternity.

Dissipated storm

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The rain has ended,
Smell the flowers-
Pain from long ago,
Has left pearly shaped
Drops of tears behind;
How they glitter in
The sweet sunlight.

everything is relative?

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Truth has no feelings,
It could really care less
About yours-
The Sun is very hot,
And what's not is not;
A lie is not a half truth,
For positive and negative
Cancel one another out-
You say it's all relative,
I say you're just argumentative;
Absolutely, there are absolutes,
Just pretend you don't
Need to breathe-
You have to see the truth,
Before you can truly believe.

sweet are the lips of memories

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The night was as young as we-
Her hair, dark as the moonless sky,
Flowed down all around her breast;
She was my first, dream of my dreams,
Whose maidenhead was kept for me...
I loved her every measure that night,
And savored it forever, like honey;
Sweet are the lips of memories,
For they never pull away hastily-
In truth, they passionately lock.

Street Bum

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

All I need from you is a kind word-
Oh stranger, I don't need your charity;
It would fill my belly,
I'd be put up for a warm night's sleep, Yes-
But it won't sooth my crippled soul-
My bare feet bleed daily from pickin up cans
All over town,
My fingers, stubs... stolen by winter's teeth;
You pay a mortgage, I pay Peter what I owe Paul...
All I ask for is a kind word-
What really I need, is to feel like I belong...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I will glory in my mistakes,
For they remind me of my need-
Forgiveness is my only redeemer;
Perfection is a red herring
That cannot be attained-
I give myself permission to fail,
And know that God's grace
Is sufficient for my redemption.

The painter

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Weaving color with passion,
She oils life onto canvas
Like God's loving hands-
Inspiration is her blood,
Her heart beats to the
Rythym of life about her;
Her brush, a tongue of fire
Flaming nuance with prosaic,
Captures a prototype of time-
The hours fade into a world
Created by dexterity and fancy,
Finally waking to completion;
Satisfied, the painter moves on,
As other new heavens are born.

so lucky I am

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Yes, I have loved, and loved often,
But none have ever touched me as you-
I carry you through each broken heart,
For you are my ideal, my standard;
I know I will never rest in your arms,
My body is so tired and weary-
Yet gazing at you soothes my mind;
So lucky I am that you are in the world-
You are my answer when there are only questions.

worth waiting for

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Redundancy, words of love are not necessary-
Silence often says so much more;
But my heart cannot help but resound with adoration,
Beating like a heralding village drum-
A tattoo cadence not to be mistaken;
The woman I have always loved
Holds my heart, though is free to love whomever-
She is my crucifix, my soul's true desire;
I await the hereafter, to be in her loving arms.

Lost and found

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Life's early years,
A cage of wandering;
I belonged not to anything-
Fear hounded me like
The hunters game...
Your sweet song,
A lifeboat amongst the tempest;
I belonged to your words-
Comfort surrounded me like
Your sweet arms...
I adore you.

talkative eyes

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Your eyes talk to me,
They tell me many things-
Things I'd never share
With anyone else;
I know you like no other,
They've shared your secrets-
Mine to guard jealously;
So many things you've told,
And not said one word to me.

young at heart

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Age does not alter the child within,
Though the years subvert our youth-
Timeless is the laughter of the heart;
The young view the old with pity,
Not realizing the elderly fail to envy them-
For the golden years give a child's
Wanderlust a compass of experience;
To be an old man with a child's heart,
That is what I aspire to be!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The face of fallacy
Can be seen in my heart-
A man, I am less than divine;
How can I know the mind of God
When I cannot explain the expanse?
I make all kinds of assumptions,
Especially about my origins,
And assume I've the authority
To destroy my creator's creation;
If I would only distance myself
From the earth, I'd see just how
Small I really am, after all!

love a life ago

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

We were one flame
That ignited the night-
Our bodies merged
Into a single breath
Of passion; your love
Poured over me like rivers
Of gold, and I worshiped you
As my besotted consort-
Oh the taste of such
Sweet love, I relish after!
I know not your touch
In this life, yet I know
It's distantly near contour;
The presence of knowing
That two souls still belong.

At one past infinity

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

At one past infinity,
Will you care about today's troubles?
This world will be long forgotten
While you dance in the light of the Elysium-
You'll bask in pools of joy,
The reaper forever bound in eternity past;
At one past infinity,
We will be in God's company,
In fellowship with his Son-
Peace will be the natural tendency,
And love will be the natural order of life.

The deceiver

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I've more than once cried me a river,
I've damned my heart for falling in love-
I'm led by elastic emotions
That control a much wiser mind;
The heart is such a foolish muscle-
While not exercising self control,
It palpitates at the slightest wink...
An organ of total deception-
Donor though I am,
This liar shall be burned with me at death.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

On a restless walk
I spy two young lovers-
How they are wrapped
In one another's eyes;
The world around them
Could explode, yet they'd
Blissfully flame together-
I pass a window's reflection...
And the good new is that
I'm too old to die young.

FIRST love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I heard a distant voice
In the back of my mind-
Familiar though it was,
I perceived not it's holder;
Words of sweet adoration
From a long ago love,
So tenderly, she stroked
The strings of my heart-
No other love could have
Known me ever more;
Twas at that very moment
Her eyes came into view,
Her face I could not mistaken-
My mother dear, holding me near...
A child never to be forsaken.

A total waste of time

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

This lyric has no theme-
It is specifically about nothing,
And nothing about anything;
Don't try to find anything clever here-
There are no metaphors or similes,
Nor are there any silly puns!
No point is to be made here-
Except for the point that
No point is being made at all;
Nevermind, this is pointless...

very sad but true

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

There was a day
When words were few,
And deeds were many-
A handshake was as good
As the attorneys decree;
A barrier between bubbles-
We burst at the least
Penetration, a circle of
Comfort protects our helm;
Knowing no one, we Facebook
And Twitter our lives-
Deluded from reality's watch;
Solitude, our only friend,
Slowly pickpockets our time,
While succoring our egos.

perfect love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A semblance of hope
In the eyes of darkness,
Meeting it face to face...
At once from bold to meek-
I stare down the pillars of might;
Their fortress thick with fear
That none may penetrate-
Yet perfect love doth overcome
The beast of dauntedness,
And frees the captured soul.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I've crossed the river
That none can cross,
I've walked the flames
Of bitter years tears-
Yet the road before me
Has its daunting trolls,
Phantoms though they be;
As blindly as my eyes
Can see before me,
I must go the distance-
For the path behind me
Is one step back to
What keeps me running.

Oh My Love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Totally foreign to my ears,
Words of endearment
My soul aches to glean-
A woman's loving touch
With slow, tender hands,
The world's treasure
Could not compare;
How this heart would love
Such a lady, she would
Be my trove to spoil...
A million kisses from
Head to feet, she'd bathe
In roses, and never need.

long faded from my reach

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Bless you, my friend, wherever you may be-
Long faded from my reach,
You're ten thousand miles from my reality;
A babe half my age, I took you to my heart-
Your still there, though I miss you so much...
Dostoevsky's books call your name,
They look so lonely on my shelf;
I cannot read them without thinking of you!
Leadbelly never sang the blues so blue,
Since January of the last-
Oh friend, how I wish we had not parted as such;
You will always hold a special place in my heart, my seashell-
May your life be full of love and laughter.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Constantly changing
Are patterns of clouds in our horizons-
Often looming though they appear,
They are but particles of water and dust;
Swept by the wind, they are helpless unto themselves-
Yet thunderous their anger be,
Their fire is thrown down from the sky-
Elemental in Earth's great balance,
The greens take in the nitrogen that it gives;
Fret not about the rain-
For your parade can wait another day...
Let the Sun have its rest,
While savoring the billow of life in the sky-
Its just another day...

chameleon of many contradictions

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Violent oceans deep of vague reveries,
I wade in waters of stern ambiguity-
I know myself less than I do,
For yesterday's endeavors are passe;
I've changed like a chameleon
Of many contradictions-
The soul inside my skin
Is the nameless babe that first wailed,
And the old liege it became, all in one;
Dreams anew await the gated horizon...
As the night comes crawling from the sky,
Will they too fade into the darkness?

The Lady Among Angels

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Deep within the wells of her eyes
Is the soul that draws me near-
While transparent, it remains
To be seen; yet it's luminosity
Is so apparent in her bearing-
A light unto this dark world,
She was born with a purpose;
The night cannot steal her zeal!
The hand of God be upon her head,
And the road was made
Less weary beneath her feet;
She is always to be His maiden
Of goodness, love, and compassion.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I have exhausted all words-
I sit with unoccupied thoughts,
And with an eager pen;
Yet, mute is the loudest musing...
My hand scripts empty shells
Of meaningless candour,
But embellished are their measure;
Inspiration has abandoned its post-
And with sleepy eyes, I surrender
To the void of sterile reveries.

no respecter of persons

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

In the whispering of time,
Hear it's sounds of laughter-
Amused, it spies our vanities,
While it approaches unheeded;
We choose to believe
That she is a confidante,
And on our side-
Yet time is no respecter of persons;
We are only given
Whatever that which she allows.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm hanging on to hope
In the midst of a storm,
Though the clouds may gather
Like hungry vultures-
The rain may fall on my parade,
Yet it also gives drink
To the parched and weary soil;
How little of me to not see
The blessing in such a bother...

failing words

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Words fail me,
I cannot foresee your mercies-
Your grace escapes the bounds
Of my feeble imagination;
I am the lowest of all who enter,
How be it you gave all for me?
You washed my feet,
When my mouth was a sewer-
You shed your blood,
When I shrugged my shoulders...
Yet you clothed me in your majesty
And called me one of your own;
Grateful is a mere token,
Yet it is all you ask of me...
Help me to love others
As you have loved.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

She was the moon
In a very dark sky,
A boy was I-
Flowered by heaven's
Essence, she was all;
My woman of harbor,
I clung to her eyes-
And found peace
At the bosom of
Her cradling smile;
She lives in me
Still to this day-
Forever, my heart shall
Remain in the moon's light.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When light and darkness collide,
The latter must surrender-
Behooved to give its life for the dawn,
The night dies, and none does mourn;
The burning sun, a funeral pyre-
The morning reminds all that life goes on;
Awakened, all forget yesterday's woes
And build new dreams for tomorrow-
Yet tomorrow seems forever elusive...
Still purpose is the rudder that stirs
The ship, until each day is done-
When the night approaches again
From out of the dead,
And all is forgotten in blissful sleep.

declaration of a new life

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Create in me a clean heart, oh God-
Change my every impulse into good,
And help me overcome my nature;
Let this be a declaration of a new life
Of living in your likeness-
Help my past be the past,
And let my feet forward be in your steps;
Jesus, make me an instrument
Of your peace, love, grace, mercy and joy-
Let me encourage the brokenhearted,
And give a hand to those less fortunate;
Thank you, Lord, for all things.

survival of the fittest

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

It's a dog eat dog world
For cats like us...
Yet, no matter how fishy things get,
I refuse to cow-
As lionhearted as I am,
I'm bound to seal the deal;
I guess it's just the "animal" in me.

A ditty

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Once upon a time
It was written in rhyme,
A ditty from across the sea-
It was so very simple,
No more than a little pimple
Compared to a symphony!
The folks from all around
From each and every town,
Memorized it quite easily-
Yes, it was quite a hit,
That silly little dit;
And oh so very cheesy...
But on one very sad day,
I'm so sorry to say;
The song lost its little flair-
The ditty at last died
But nobody cried,
And it withered without a care.
Just how it went,
I haven't a hint-
And nobody remembers it at all;
It was never written down
Or put to music sound,
It was never played in the dancehall-
So if you took the time
To read this little rhyme,
And realized, how superfluous-
You're probably perturbed,
And feeling quite a bit unnerved;
I dont know, It's just a guess...

Cooler days

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Summer ends-
The sound of children vacant;
Tempers tempered,
While tolerable autumn
Returns once again-
It seems everyone
Is very satisfied...
Except, of course,
The ice cream man.

the whetting stone

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Whatever your weakness,
Whether it is fear
Or a reoccurring sin,
If it draws you in need of God,
Accept his merciful grace and
Realize it to be the whetting stone
That sharpens your faith...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

How my heart pummels
For the one that I love-
She will always be my compass;
Her voice soothes a bitter day,
Her smile lights my world-
Just a glance at her is healing,
I need not touch my love
To be totally fulfilled;
To always love her is my life's joy...
She is grace defined within itself,
She is the personification of elegance;
My heart cannot beat without her-
Forever it belongs to her...

I want to love you

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I've found it to be
So easy for me,
To share my inner heart-
You're ecstasy
To my eyes, don't you see?
You're classier than just fine art!
I want to love you
Like poets can only dream-
But if I'm too much for you,
Then you know what to do;
Baby, I'm yours a la carte!

Word for word

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Yellowed pages of my mind
Warrant half the book of my life,
I read them oft, word for word-
Tirelessly, I spend night after night
Revisiting chapters with vigor,
Till the morning comes with a vengeance;
Someday, the binding shall close,
And the total story at last finished...
It is then that I most will want to
Revisit the totality of my life;
But so sad that I shall not then be able
To re-read the story again, word for word.

Cowardly Inferno

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I want, I want I want-
This unsatisfied hunger
Is the thorn of my soul;
Keeping my eyes upon
Heaven, I wallow in Hades-
Thunder in the distance,
A tempest approaching
Me with a vengeance;
Yet the rain is soft
And comforts my skin-
But I know I must resist
And seek an austere shelter...
I am burning in the fires
Of self consumption-
Help me, oh Lord,
Quench this raging flesh!

Lovely Words

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Crying in the wilderness-
Tears amid the feral beast
Of life's true nature;
While loneliness cleaves
Like a suckling babe,
Solitude begs to befriend...
Such lovely words for
Pain so deep, and so cruel;
A prose of pitiful poverty
Of a soul, wrapped in bows....
Anything to dress up the truth.

particles of dust

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I've nothing left,
It is all gone-
Reasons to go on
We're once so many;
The nails in my hands
Have reached into
My heart-
Tired and withered
Like a late autumn leaf,
I await the winter's mercy;
Though treasure is mine,
It is only particles of dust
In the scope of my pain.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Harvesting the years
Of bitter tears,
The scourge of life has
Left a full bounty;
Flesh of a ghost-
Remnants of the past
Converge into a whole,
Leaving me in yesterday's wake;
The dust in my eyes
Turns with mourning-
Rust is all I have!

Remembering You

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

There was a time
When time was lost-
Lost in your company;
Such sweet friends were we,
You were my confidante;
Time is lost again-
Gone are those days
When you held me so dear;
I reach for you
But you are years gone-
Still, I savor the sweetness
In simply remembering you.

Loving You From A Distance

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Wanting you-
A desire never to be fulfilled;
My heart bleeds your sweet name...
My love, you are my deepest thirst,
My insatiable hunger!
Loving you is my life's greatest joy;
Not being able to love you,
My life's most painful scourge-
Still, everyday I hold you,
And wrap you in my arms
And give you my all.

Fig Leaves

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Miles of road,
And still nowhere to hide-
Running from myself
In a maze of contrition;
A man and yet a mouse-
I can't face my own shadow,
For I see how I reflect...
Naked and searching for fig leaves.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Laugh to hide the pain,
Treason of the soul-
Tears unseen, naked scars;
A fugitive of fear!
Caught in a prison
Of unbridled elusion,
There is not a price too heavy
Too be waged in avoidance;
How laborious is the masquerade...
Free yourself, the pain was not yours!

just random thoughts

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I feel like dancing,
But I'm all thumbs-
The wind is in my nose
So I'll just stand here and whistle;
Life is a jet plane,
We get off at the terminal-
Oh, did I mention that
Cellophane sandwiches
Taste much better unwrapped?

morning tears

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Lay me down to die,
I've lived and died a hundred fold-
No more tears, no more tears!
Take me to that eternal peace,
Let me rest in your loving arms;
This world has no place for me-
I am lost in a revolving door...

The empty arms of love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Seeing it for what it is,
Emptiness is my heart's station-
Wanting, desiring, but unfulfilled;
Romance is for the chosen few...
My body aches for a sweet touch-
I thirst for kind words-
Just to know I'm appreciated
For appreciating her;
So cold are the empty arms of love.

Aaron (My Son)

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The "impossible child-"
With your birth, you proved
That the doctors were wrong!
A chip off the ole block,
We were two peas in a pod-
From making up skits
And finding something funny in everything,
To designing web pages-
You've surpassed your father's aptitude;
Yes, your children have our mirth-
The world will continue in humor!

Katy (My Daughter)

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Shy, yet always outgoing,
Laughter is her calling-
A redhead at birth,
Her crown since, has tasted
Every color under the sun!
Compassionate but bold,
She'll defy you with her stand
Until you are all outta words;
Strong yet gentle, she is often
A friend to the friendless

Sarah (My Daughter)

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Watching her grow to a woman,
She will always be my baby;
A need to prove her strength,
Though I've known all along,
She's gone the distance for herself-
Army life, college, and motherhood
Are her many priceless accolades;
Born stubborn, and remains so,
She's made my heart that much bigger-
Poopsidoo, you are my hallmark!

Lizzy (My Daughter)

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Mystery is about her habits-
She says so much by saying nothing,
But leaves you hanging on to every word;
She's as cool as an autumn night-
No one can buy her with possessions,
Yet you may find yourself around her finger;
This child/woman has come unto to her own-
May the world beg for mercy!

shades of stupidity

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I see the truth in black and white,
A shade of stupidity over my brow-
Tempting fate with the color of choices,
These hands are stained with folly;
My own words come back to me
In echoes of mortification-
Fool that I am, I see the man I'm not,
And how much less than the dirt I'm made!

When Mom And Dad Are both gone

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Oh, hear the cry of an orphan-
Flames of sorrow slowly burn
Deeply down to his heart;
Alone in a daunting, bigger world
Than yesterday's sheltered past-
Make or break like never before,
It's either swim or die;
The sun no longer carries a smile,
It too now bemoans its own mortality.

When thinking of you

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When thinking of you,
I'm lost in a litany of love-
Words of adoration
Flow as freely as the wind;
The mention of your name
Is my tongue's greatest pleasure-
You, sweet lady, are my eyes'
Most tempting, sweetest apple;
Words could never say enough.

Healing eyes

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The beauty in her eyes
Stills my restless mind,
Circular tunnels of wonderment-
They lead me to her soul;
Such a kind and gentle spirit,
She knows not how to wound;
Healing eyes, yes that's It!
She has healing eyes...
No wonder I feel so delightful
When I'm drawn to them.

Old forgotten friends

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

At the crossroads of my mind
A fond memory awaits my return-
Long forgotten, it remains
Like an old, and faithful friend;
One day I'll stumble across it,
And become reaquainted again-
It will then be as if we've
Never been separated at all.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When there's nothing left to say,
A thousand words lay in wait-
Every dream come true
Has never been slept upon-
Is such contradiction orthodox,
Or simply just a paradox?
I'm I opening a Pandoras box,
Or perhaps a tinderbox...
By suggesting such a heterodox?

Fictional lover

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

You are my answer when there are only questions,
You are in every song-
The world could not make you;
Conceived from desire,
You were born from my pen,
And always live in my heart.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

"Words cannot be unsaid,
Forgiveness is an unwise child...
I've built these walls from
The toils and sweat of pride-
Try as you may to pass,
And I'll protect them jealously;"
His words, a holy council to fools-
But fools have a way of becoming
Demigods, to the godhead of stupidity.

To a sweet nurse at the doctor's office

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

And though we never met,
Somehow, in those brief minutes,
I wanted a lifetime with you-
Your honey hair caught the light,
As my eyes competed for a dance;
No, I'll never see you again,
But thank you for your smile-
You lit me up, when I was left to sputter.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My woman, my flower of delight-
Ive come for your sweet nector,
Let me partake all night!
Lovemaking could not be more
Heavenly, than with my ethereal angel;
I've waited a very lonely lifetime,
You are worth eternity, my love-
My love grows in waiting for you...

Restless Heart

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Here I am,
I've given up on love-
But I'm drowning in your eyes;
No, I'm not giving up the fight,
I can't take anymore heartache-
Tell this desire to surrender!
I know you'll destroy me with
A simple sigh of dissatisfaction;
So why go the trouble to wait?
Please, break my heart now...
Here I am!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

You are the closest to perfection
In the question of my desire;
I'd be forevermore lost in this world,
Without your own heartbeat to beacon
Me safely to your embrace...
Though I have never been there,
I'm satisfied knowing there is such a place
Where I can hide in this world.

Today's Rain

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

In the midst of all my tears
There is a quiet knowing-
If it should come a rain,
It shall only replenish the flowers;
All good things are worth
The struggle in making them good-
Were it not for the pain,
The pleasure would not be significant;
Hold on to tomorrow
When today is unlivable...

Abandoned train

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm lost in the rain,
There's not a cloud in the sky-
I've escaped from tomorrow
But I'm trapped inside of yesterday;
An abandoned train
Heading right back to your arms-
I'm there but not there;
Ambivalence is such a cruel sword-
Pining from the gutting of its double edge;
But deliverance is only one lie away...

My constant companion

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Pain is my constant companion,
It lingers when all others have to go-
Sometimes it doesn't know when to quit...
It often creeps into my mind,
When I'd rather have a broken limb-
What price did I pay for such a gift?
They say pain lets you know your alive-
Is death then not painful?
I'm not sure how I stand in this situation...


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

If misery loves company,
Then why does company often part-
Loneliness is such a motivator
For something so isolating,
For we suckle the breast of hope;
Inside of each one of us,
There is a void that seeks a union...
A friendship, a love affair-
Their generosity complete our worth;
Yet those that never venture beyond
Their own circle of comfort,
May never glimpse Hope's bosom.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My eyes swore they saw you today-
You smiled at me like long ago,
And you were covered with the sun
While you were as appetizing as the moon;
But I didn't believe them...
It's been so long since I've felt your breath-
I can't place those feelings anymore,
But, oh how I really want to...
That was such a sweet and scary time-
But you hardly noticed anything;
I hope I cross your mind,
When that road leads to good times.


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

No more truthfulness,
It's much to expensive-
But dollars down on dishonesty
Can buy you fame and glory;
How be it those of contrition
Always seem to profit you little?
Double-dealing is just a way of surviving-
But a survival that depends on a death-
A death of one's own integrity...

Conniving Bedfellows

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Loneliness is time's best friend,
How they share each other's mischief-
Just two old lads on a park bench
Blustering over the misery they leaven:
Waiting wiles us into desperate designs,
And loneliness abates one's own esteem-
Together, they can make a mess of ones life.

The Big Question

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

What am I to say
When you say
What others have said,
When I was saying
That they've always said
That I was just saying
What you have said, all along?

A Memory

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The more I feel,
The less sensation I allow-
But buried pain soon roots to the surface
Like sadistic weeds of masochism;
This sintered mass of years has brought
Me to a solitary moment in time,
And left me clamoring to repress the truth-
Caught in a web of reflection,
I dangle, fighting for a moments peace;
Like a captured fly, I am at the mercy
Of a memory.

Words Well Spent

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Words spent on you buy me pleasure-
They cost me nothing but time;
I have all of the time in the world for you...
But you are priceless to me beyond words.
Words I should have said long ago
Are in the back of my memory-
We were once on the road to being friends,
How I wish I had tried a little harder;
I know you'll never let me in again
And words cannot express enough pain...
But still I take pleasure in writing such
Words as "I love you-"
For time cannot take that away from me or you.

Bold Compassion

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Age has not at all stolen
What I treasure about you-
It has made you more appealing;
No longer the shy young filly
That caught my heart,
Your wise mind speaks boldly
From a heart of compassion;
I love that about you...
Sweet lady, your beauty has matured,
And it is even more vibrant than ever!

I'm In Love With A Photograph

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Never to hurt me-
You will always be agreeable;
Those eyes will forever adore me
And receive my adoration-
Captivated with my love
In a moment you were not aware,
You are to be mine for always...
No matter your frame of mind.

Throughout Eternity

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

The fires of love began burning in 79,
They have never been subdued-
Let the heavens marvel at their longivity!
My love for you is my life's panacea,
You are the remedy to my troubled soul;
Throughout eternity I will lovingly shadow you,
Guarding your precious soul with mine-
Oh my sweet love, it's the least I can do...

I Am Yours

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

You stir me like no other;
I want to take you
And love you with fire-
My lips await your convergence,
My body begs for your's;
No other woman could ever do,
You are my only desire-
I was clearly made for only you,
And I shall venerate no other.

My Angel

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

She is truth in the face of fallacy-
Tears well up in view of her beauty;
She is my distant destiny to grandeur-
What else shall I live to pursue?
Heaven has cause to give her awe,
She is splendor made in its image;
My heart gives pause at the sight of her,
I'd gladly die to breathe my last in her arms...
Oh, to be kissed by this angel!


(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Some trains are bound for glory,
Some are bound to fail-
Whatever train you happen to steer,
Endeavor to go the extra mile;
For it's harder to rob a moving train.

Now I Know

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

We were always meant to be,
We just got lost along the way-
But now you have been found;
Though I've loved you always,
I know now where you belong...
You have always been my compass-
You have been there, when you haven't;
How sweet your touch in my life.

What Is To Be Ours

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Death cannot satisfy this love and desire!
My devotion to you will outlive the grave,
As our souls will entwine in ecstasy;
The hereafter is ours to consummate
What always was meant for us, my love.
Somewhere a vision waits to be seen-
We two as one in our own passionate sea of fire;
It shall burn for all of eternity in intensity...
From life to life to life.

The One I Have Always Loved

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

You will always reign in my heart,
No matter whom I am with-
No, I've never touched you,
Yet you've touched me like no other;
My love, I will always belong to you...
Time will always hold a place for us
That will be so beautiful-
That hope is my destiny;
There I will forever love you
As you have never been loved.

Some Kind Of Friend You've Turned Out To Be

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I trusted you like the morning sun,
You'd be there through thick and thin-
But you never promised me anything,
And you made good on that;
Yes, you entered the door during a storm,
And I took shelter in your smile-
But you left my life with such a force
I'd gladly trade the rain for this pain!
You had me believe I really wronged you...
It's funny how love can delude one's mind-
I worshipped the dirt on your feet!
So now you've gone away forever-
Time will finally one day tell you the truth...
And then I will cease to be a fool.

An Epitaph for the Living

(C) 2007 By Scott Endsley

What matters, matters not-
Caught up in the day to day,
You've lost the essence of life;
The cadence of a death march
Is heard in your own heartbeat-
Suicide while fighting to survive;
But sad that all that matters is gain...
The grave has no use for such things.

Your Voice

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Your voice-
The epitome of all that is lovely;
It thrills me into ecstasy, my love-
I wish to leap aboad your breath...
Take me into your ingress,
Let me bathe on your sweet tongue;
This is where I desire to dwell,
Where no more a beautiful sound
And kisses are made-
Oh, keep me a prisoner of your spell always.

Our Love

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

My lover for all eternity,
How I yearn to be with you-
I ache just for your touch;
To be wrapped in your body
Is a wondrous thought!
Oh beautiful woman,
I make love to you
With my every waking thought;
You are in my arms even now...
We are never apart, my love-
Our souls will eternally dance
To the music of our coalesced hearts.

Endless Rain

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I'm caught in a storm-
Its raining thoughts of you...
My damn umbrella is broken,
And it's sure cold as hail-
I'm soaked with memories.
Cruel clouds of contrition
Flooding my aching heart-
I know you'll never forgive me;
It will never let up...

Asking The Impossible

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

We will never be what we were again,
Its a hard fact I must accept-
Gone are your sweet eyes of acceptance;
Gone is your loving hand of friendship;
I go to the place we used to meet
And dream of you, once again, being there-
Why did you have to be so special?
My entire soul is empty of your touch,
And I'm just living in wait to die;
Please come back, I need you so much.

Everlasting Fire

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I long to be unfolded by your body,
To gaze into your eternal eyes-
Besotted, I am butter to the hot knife;
Sweet woman, I want you in your entirety-
Every drop of you, is not enough!
Devotion is merely a weak byword
Compared to my intense love for you-
You are a majestic alter of worship,
I take pleasure in my sacrifice;
Forever, throughout lives unknown,
You will always be my sweet lover.

Were It Not For Your Goodness

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

To state the obvious: I would not have been here, were it not for my mother. A redundant claim for many, yet, in my case, it is an emphatic and necessary disclosure. Being born in the late 1950s with a dangerous birth defect called spina bifida, the doctors did not have the means, as they do today, to project such a child's possible future. My parents were given a dismal prognosis, that, if I lived, I would never walk, never be able to father children, and may even be brain damaged for life. They would be doing themselves, as well as myself, a favor by institutionalizing me. My mother's resolve was quick and assertive, "No, he's my child, and we will raise him!" Foreknowledge could not have prepared them for the many hardships ahead, especially financial one's. Working for civil service, they had adequate health insurance for the whole family, but much of the expense of my many surgeries had to be paid out of pocket. No institution could have done such a thing.

My parents encouraged my independence from a very young age. Mom was my cheerleader. She cheered me on when all I could do was crawl, to using a walker; and then I progressed on to crutches. One afternoon, at the age of three, I was watching actor, Don Ameche, walking a tight rope on television, with my parents. Apparently I had sensed their admiration of this feat, so I boldly threw down my crutches and took a few steps across the room, before I fell to the floor. They could have given me an excuse as a crippled child not to hurt myself, however, mom especially from then on challenged me to continue to attempt to walk without any assistance, and take risks.

I eventually mastered that challenge, though admittedly, I have my own unique and awkward gait. Peers at a very young age laughed at me for being different, and I became very self conscience. Mom taught me the art of forgiving them, and helped me to see that everyone had shortcomings they needed to be loved through. Soon my friends respected my lack of inferiority, and I soon became just one of the boys on the block. However, it was some of the parents I had trouble with. Mrs M., who lived next door, had it in for me; she assumed I was using my handicap to gain favors from her children out of self pity, and threatened to notify the police for riding my bicycle on the sidewalk in front of her yard, one day. She called mom, who spoke softly and respectfully, while she was being cussed at, all the while trying to accommodate her every way she could, but it was no use; the line abruptly and rudely went dead. Mom never knew how to say a bad word about anyone, including Mrs M. She just said we needed to pray for her.

In my fourth grade year at Vandenberg Elementary School for Handicapped Children, in Lompoc, California, mom noticed that my reading and math skills were not up to par. She discovered that the curriculum there largely emphasized just art and music, and very little academic skills. This was a great concern to her, for she had every intention of me being a contributing and productive member of society someday; art and music alone were not going to cut it. Having no luck with changing the mindset of the school, she took the Lompoc School District to court to have me placed in the public school system. I was the first handicapped child in Santa Barbara County to ever be mainstreamed, once she won the case. Mom was my champion fighter, and I learned from her that being different did not negate being normal.

Being different indeed, my brother was athletic, so I took up music as my calling, instead. Mom was my most fervent fan from the first three chords I learned on the guitar. I took note of her poetic prowess and began writing my own songs. Soon school became a non priority to me over music. One night, mom yelled from the kitchen to the living room, "Turn down that television!" I asked why, as she answered, "Because I'm trying to do your homework in here!" When I graduated, she cried out of sheer relief. With mom's encouragement and financial backing, I was finally able to recently graduate from college with degrees in both History and English Literature, and a minor in Psychology. My mother was a very brilliant student herself, and the only reason she never attended college was because the money wasn't there. I believe she lived out her personal satisfaction through I and my brother's academic accomplishments, however.

I stayed in my room mostly, up until about three years after high school. I went through a severe depression and body dismorphia (a disorder where you have a distorted view of your own physical makeup). I literately became a freak to myself in the mirror. Only mom could reach into that black hole, during that time. She shared her faith with me, but allowed me to think for myself. I didn't understand this Jesus being the only Son of God thing, but I thought he was a cool dude, just the same. I had read a little about eastern mysticism and was fascinated with Hinduism and Buddhism. So I haphazardly tossed all three religions in the blender, and declared myself a "Hin-bu-christ."
Mom was just thrilled that I was just thinking about God at all! But she kept sneaking Jesus in, in very clever ways. She was the greatest exemplar of the love and patients of the Lord and savior I finally came to know, in part thanks to her.

When my firstborn, Aaron, had just then arrived in this world, mom was the very first to immediately hold him. I remember him looking up at her with his blue eyes, smashed, crooked nose, and ear bent sideways, all together with his purple face. She assured me he was okay. I at last was a daddy! I went on to father a very beautiful daughter, Sarah, also. Then later, along with my current wife, Lynda-- Lizzy and Katy were grafted in among them, into my heart. From them all I have ten precious grandchildren. They, all fifteen in the family, are the capstone of a completed and successful mission that mom had years prior undertaken. I not only learned to walk, but learned many things from that struggle that not many are privileged to know about. I not only fathered children, but God gave me four of the most beautiful and gifted, I could have ever asked for; and they in turn were blessed also. A wife who has loved me since we were friends in high school. And I succeeded in working as a productive member of society for the telephone company for many years, until I finally had to retire on disability. However, with the gumption that has been instilled in me, I am bouncing back! And I owe it all to the most wonderful lady God could have ever given to me for a mother, and mentor.

Thank you, mom, for saying, "He's my child, and we will raise him!" You allowed me the right to cry, the right to try, and the fortitude to succeed.
You could have given me up, and the world would not have looked at you crossways at all; but you were an exceptional lady of courage. I am so proud to have had you for my mother, and my dearest friend. Your future descendents, passed down through my lineage, may never know about you, or who you were; they may never utter your name... but they will not have ever been here, were it not for your goodness.

Tomorrow's Eyes

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Deep within tomorrow's eyes
The past lays forever hidden-
Years of forgotten suffering
That were once repleted with dread,
Await their redemption;
Tomorrow's eyes are always upon
The weary, who only know to pray-
For the hands of time hold them
In the arms of providence;
The road of tribulation
Is never an endless highway-
Tomorrow's eyes are a beacon
Amidst the chaotic tempests of today.

The Argument

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A song of silence
Trembling on my tongue-
Words I cannot say;
The struggle between
Sweet and bitter,
Like strong medicine that
Fails to sooth what ails,
And yields only to bittersweet-
The lover's sweet tongue,
A muscle of encouragement,
Now becomes a venomous eruption
Of words to be regretted...
A song of silence,
Now sung in disharmony.

Gratitude Is Not Enough

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I found my heart in a record jacket,
I knew for sure where it belonged-
I was all of seventeen,
And you were light years away;
But I knew you from the moment I saw you,
For we had shared a life long ago;
From Oklahoma to Great Britain,
Our hearts danced together-
Though you knew it not.

I placed your captured voice on my turntable-
A voice that pierced my soul;
Your words, medicine for my wounds-
I lay at your feet in my own tears
As you assured me, "It's alright,"
And you pulled me, like a mother, to your breast;
I felt so loved, I slept in the total abandon
Of your security-
A reality that only I knew...

Now the years have come and gone,
My heart will always belong to you-
Though I know we shall never be as one;
But there's a place deep within
Where only you reside, and can comfort;
One half of four score, years of constant joy-
Your music has been my life...
Gratitude is not enough,
Yet it is all that I can give you.

God's Gift

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

When you crawl into my grasp,
My body becomes you-
We together, are boredom's wrecking ball!
Fun has never had it so good;
I could explore you forever,
Hoping to never find whatever-
I could kiss every inch of you
Without measure;
Just to hear your song of rapture
As I make love to you,
Is the greatest thrill you can imagine!
Oh, my sweet lover, it's raining;
Please stay and play a little longer...

I Saw The Light

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

I saw the light,
And it knocked me to my knees-
I feared the filth that I had become;
Rivers of wretchedness
Flowed from outta my mouth.
My body- a feast fit for worms,
Shame was my only merit;
And I saw every transgression
I had ever commited...

I saw the light,
And it picked me up off the ground-
I rejoiced in its extended forgiveness;
Rivers of new life
Flowed through me and out to others.
My body- a temple of God's goodness,
But grace is my only merit;
And now I see every other transgressor
No worse than myself...

Prisoner Of Remembrance

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Holding you in my thoughts,
Caressing you like I've always desired-
You were the catalyst of my impulse,
A flame that bit and spread mercilessly;
I'm still on fire, my love-
Though only a ghost remains of your face...
I spend my days clutching your vacant hand
And reliving a past future;
How is it you are here,
And yet you are absolutely nowhere?
The heart has created who you were--
How can I let you go, when it is I
Who is caged by a memory?

Our Love Begets Life

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

Lying in your bosom,
The world encapsulates
Nothing but our love-
Intensity- I'd die,
If it were not so beautiful!
My lover, fire knows not
Such intemperate passion;
Pity those who only
Dream of such things-
Our flesh may someday die,
Yet forever ours is a love
That will invigorate the heavens.

Lost In Her Hair

(C) 2017 By Scott Endsley

A tress of glory-
Heaven's tease of splender;
My fingers, in a wonderlust daydream,
Loving every dangling lock
With the reach of my eyes;
The Sun, recognizing its luminosity,
Rewards it with its own likeness-
All in a moment's reflection,
She fails to notice...
And walks away.

Mind Over What Mattered