Stories, Poems, & Blog (2)

i stand fallen

All of the hopes
That built a dream,
Fade into a realization-
Sand sifts like water...
I stand fallen,
As if I were ever 
In a position to stand-
A thousand tears
May never cry enough,
To know they were mine;
For as a complete fool,
I tarried with boldness
In the face of laughter...
Die, oh pitiful harlequin,
Die as though you matter-
Peacefully, in surrender.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the american vs the russian revolution

(C) 2019 By Scott Endsley    

      How do revolutions and the fight for independence gain support from a populace? How do they come to fruition in spite of the knowledge that one may die for the cause, or that life may be quite dismal until its aims are realized? The years 1776 and 1917 may have been etched in our minds ever since having to study an introductory world history course. There are many factors shared in both the American and Russian Revolutions, and many aspects not shared. When people of a nation are pushed up against a wall by either a foreign power or a less than a benevolent domestic government, they tend to up rise and seek a new form of government that is beneficial to the people as a whole, such as what happened in the Russian and American revolutions.

     The conditions in America, with its open land, presented more economic opportunities to the colonials. Russia too was an open land blessed with much agriculture and many natural resources which gave the prospect of wealth. Contrasted to the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917, the American Revolution differs as the former was anti-liberal and hostile to the liberties central to the Patriots cause (O’Sullivan, 2009).

     Eradicating the traditions, religion, equality or anything else which the people held as sacred, the Russian Revolution’s aims they fought for were not the end results they were given. By the time the Revolution was at hand, the Bolsheviks, or communists, saw the necessity of propagandizing that they were imposing “perfect freedom.” However, after less than a century of this tyrannical government, its subjects rose up in what has been termed the “Velvet Revolution” because it was mostly peaceful (O’Sullivan, 2009).

          From the 1850’s to the dawning of the early twentieth century, Russia was a deeply divided country due to the poor economy; however the ruling class enjoyed a high standard of living. The peasants especially suffered in poverty, while many with just a “comfortable” standard of living began to voice discontent on behalf of the peasants and themselves. Author Leo Tolstoy, who enjoyed much wealth, was in favor of reforms by way of advocating socialism, as demonstrated by his book, Resurrection. Tolstoy, however, was not in favor of a Soviet style Russia, but a benevolent egalitarian society. Russians began to complain about the cushy lifestyle of the Czars. (Hosking, 2001).

     Czar Alexander, in 1861, emancipated the peasants and began Russia’s efforts towards industrial development. But industrial development placed hardships on them also as it conflicted with the need for farmland. The Russian Jews were feeling the sting of persecution and were being driven to Zionistic fervor. Non Russians suffered as well. By 1903, Russia became fragmented into several different political groups. Capitalists and the liberal bourgeoisie came to be at odds with each other. The latter, along with other groups, established a Constitutional Democratic Party, while the peasants and the intelligentsia formed the Socialist Revolutionary Party (Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia, 2013).

     In the mid seventeenth century, in the English colonies of America, many people were beginning to realize that King George was pushing the limits of his subject’s patience by threatening the existing limited freedoms of British subjects. By 1786, the British were hoping to avoid a confrontation with the discontented. At this time, it was clear that the Declaratory Act, which was a statement of a general principle that Parliament had the right to legislate the colonies “in all cases whatsoever,” was far more threatening than the fury caused by the Stamp Act. A rebellion was brewing; though small in numbers, it was still considered a threat to the crown’s authority (Draper, 1996).

     Although these two fires of aggression and anger in Russia and America evolved into two dissimilar and conflicting ideologies, they both began with a grassroots movement among the people who were endeavoring for equality for the common man. The American Revolution, however, was the vision of statesmen like Thomas Jefferson, who was at one time the governor of Virginia, and the architect of self-rule, influenced by the writings of Tocqueville and philosopher John Locke (Draper, 1996).

     The Bolshevik’s revolutionary efforts, conversely, were a discontented “workers” movement. They wanted self-rule, but their oppressors were Russians as well; not a foreign dictatorial monarchy. This is one of the many differences between these two revolutionary tenets. Although they were the antipathy of the Jeffersonian Americans who wanted equality for all, they did want egalitarianism for all workers.

     The idea of communism has been credited to Karl Marx, a German Jew; but not much has been said about the sixteenth century English theologian, Sir Thomas More. He wrote the famous book, Utopia, which fictionally envisioned a “communist” society where everyone shared and everyone was equal and free as there was no government, just will of the people as a whole. Though More’s vision was a religious communal society (Durant, 1957).

     Karl Marx differed from More’s spiritual and improbable world community with his famous quote in, A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right, (a publication he was writing that was never completed)

“Religious suffering is at one and the same time the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people” (Marx, 1843).

      Rebelling American colonialists essentially adopted the ideals of English philosopher, John Locke, the Oxford scholar and ideologue of a revolutionary effort in England. John Locke’s were the philosophical foundation which assisted Jefferson to form his own moral principles and beliefs. In fact, Thomas Jefferson paraphrased an earlier work of Locke's when he wrote the Declaration of Independence (Draper, 1996). In Locke’s own writing, he visualized a libertarian ethic: “All mankind... being all equal and independent, no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty or possessions (Locke, 1860).

     In 1764, in many areas the colonial people whose livelihoods depended on agriculture were in need of relief from their British overlords. This was due to a significant drought that occurred from 1758 onward. Credit in that day was not unheard of and it could endanger the small independent farmer. It was not unusual for a creditor to claim that debts had not been properly paid and to confiscate a greater sum than the original debt. This was known as usury in that day but judges consistently ruled in favor of moneyed interests. Generally, the result was that the farmer could not rely on the current laws and judges, and as a result it would endanger his family’s subsistence (Sadlier, 2012).

     The scare of economic disaster at the hands of those in authority, those favored by the British, stirred growing despair in those such as Piedmont, Carolina agrarians. The situation was exacerbated by the disparities between coastal and western populations because of differences in devout religious beliefs. Moreover, the conflict was also spawned by this mistreatment combined with unjust taxation, which was a violation of their rights as British subjects. This propelled the men to rebel and commit acts of revolution (Sadlier, 2012).    

     Both autonomous self-government and the idea of communism, as far as inspiring revolution, were not novel ideas. However, it was unprecedented that using these models would lead to victory. The American Revolution was started officially in 1776, a year that many people casually familiar with history believe was the year that the war ended with an American victory, yet in reality it did not end in victory for the patriots until 1873. America was once again challenged by the British in 1882. The Brits, in fact, burned down the first White House.  

     The Russian Revolution was not a spontaneous effort either. Russia was infected with anarchy and revolution as far back as 1905. Pyotr Arkadyevich Stolypin served as Prime Minister and the frontrunner of the third Duma, from 1906 to 1911 after a weak revolution in the government echelons. His tenure was marked the determination to counter revolutionary groups and by the implementation of noteworthy agricultural restructurings because of the angered anarchists and communists and their noteworthy threats to the government. The power of the Czar in Russia was being maintained by the skin of its teeth (Hosking, 2001).

     Stolypin was assassinated by a gunman in Kiev, Ukraine while attending an opera in 1911, after recently stepping down from the government. Russia was divided by many terrorist groups hoping to overturn the government. It would be a long six years for the final victory to be a realized by the Bolsheviks.

     Meanwhile, a communist revolutionary and soon to be leader of the Union of the Soviet’s Socialist Republic (USSR), Vladimir Lenin, remained in exile in Germany. He was hoping to make his way back to Russia as the revolutionary effort was approaching the apex of the socialist uprising. So he promised the Kaiser that if the Germans would assist him in secretly returning to Russia, the soon to be in power Soviets would drop out of the Great War as a quid pro quo. (Hosking, 2001).

     At the same time, as the communist revolution was creeping towards becoming a reality in Russia, women were rising up and endeavoring  to make gains toward universal suffrage in the United States. In Czarist Russia, the denial of enfranchisement on behalf of its people evoked a picture of medieval barbarism. Progressivism in America, however, played a prominent role in foreign relations during this period and was on the move toward liberalizing society (Smith, 1995). The fact that women in America did not attain the right to vote until much later, yet the communists in Russia made women’s right of suffrage a significant tenant of their aims in revolutionizing Russia, is quite shameful.

     America, as a free society, currently and foundationally espouses the rights of the people and the press to criticize the representative government in Washington. This has been challenged by many “sedition laws” after wars or in the threat of war, although they are systematically repealed by new administrations voted in by the people by way of the popular vote (McCullough, 2001).  

     Freedom of the press is practiced daily by various newspapers, magazines, and the internet. These civil liberties were attained after the revolution was won, and the constitution was written. President John Adams issued sedition laws that were passed by the Federalist Party in 1798 in light of an undeclared and short naval war with revolutionary France, called the Quasi War (McCullough, 2001).

     Paul Pirie, in this particular year, wrote a piece in the Washington Post criticizing the American Revolution, and its “flaws:”

“The new republic started advancing life and liberty by keeping a substantial part of its population enslaved. (This, at least, proves the frequent British put-down that Americans don't have a sense of irony.) By contrast, in British-controlled Canada, the abolition of slavery began almost 20 years before the War of 1812, sometimes called America's "Second Revolution.” A good number of free blacks fought with the British against the United States in that conflict, even participating in the burning of Washington. And if, as some scholars argue, the Civil War was the unfinished business of the American Revolution, then Americans - like the Russians - paid a very high human cost for their revolutions” (Pirie, 2013).

     Pirie is correct by today’s standards; however, eighteenth century mindsets were not as progressive. Many people of the day genuinely believed that African Americans “needed” the white man’s guidance. Not all slave owners treated their slave cruelly, but treated them as children and valuable assets. As a matter of fact, Thomas Jefferson, who fathered what was then called “mulattoes,” a term describing half-black and half-white offspring (a word considered offensive today), in later life, freed most his slaves in France (Ching, 2009).

   As concerning the plight of freedom for the American slaves, it is a little known fact that Abraham Lincoln, as president, emancipated the slave population, but preferred to send them back to Africa; but many African Americans did not want to go there. At that time in history, the black population was born in America and they considered it home. Nevertheless, many of them were sent to western Africa where they set up their own colony called Liberia (Benjamin, 2001).   

     A historiographical notion today portrays post-Soviet Russia as having institutional, generational and intellectual conflict. The young are living in a pseudo-democracy, yet the curriculum in most universities in Russia is dominated by archaic revolutionary idealism. The old guard continues to dominate the choice of research topics and the circulation of resources, as well as administering graduation degrees (Kolonitskii, 2009).

     This is not unlike many major universities in the United States currently. There are political taboos in both countries’ academia (Kolonitskii, 2009). It is amazing that those on the left are so adamant about resurrecting dead political systems such as socialism and communism which are proven failures with such affectionate doting as demonstrated the radical, although camouflaged as a mere democratic ideologue, Saul Alinsky.

     In the final part of the American patriot’s efforts to push the British out of America, centuries ago, a very important and strategic location for them was the Chesapeake Bay, not just for trade purposes, but as a significant supply line between Philadelphia and the southern colonies. These were factors that were essential to General George Washington’s warring efforts, along with the fact that Eastern Shore farmers supplied food for his army. If the British had cut off supplies and communications to the region, perhaps they could have suppressed the rebellion (Neville, 2009). The life of the war that initially began after the Boston Massacre, in which only five Americans were killed, was finally coming to a head; giving the Americans the hope of an eventual victory for Washington’s originally ragtag army.

     When total revolution in Russia was complete, the revolutionaries viewed themselves as intellectuals and the dethroned ruling class as a group of expendable and non-progressive indulgers. In the aftermath, there was not only a governmental revolution in Russia, but a scientific one as well. No patrons were more willing to support scientific breakthroughs than the Bolsheviks (Krementsov, 2006).

     Why would the communists want scientific knowledge? It was because, as Francis Bacon once wrote, “knowledge is power!” In just twenty years, the Soviet scientists and the communist hierarchy mutually turned Russia from a modest province into a great center of learning in the world. They owned the scientific movement until the capitalist nations caught up and surpassed them (Krementsov, 2006). The same is true in the great space race, decades later.

     The Soviet Union and the United States both attained their desired ends, and their ideologies could only be described as juxtaposition of intents and purposes for mankind in both countries. America chose an egalitarian society that espoused freedom. The Union of the Soviet Socialist Union also attained an egalitarian society as well, where everyone was equally oppressed. Yet both were birthed by a reaction of resistance to the established order of subjection. One by a monarchy from a foreign nation, and one by a basic monarchy with total power over haves and have not’s. One won independence, yet both won a revolution.

     It is self-evident that when people of a nation are pushed up against a wall by either a foreign power or a less than a benevolent domestic government, they tend to up rise and seek a new form of government that is beneficial to the people as a whole, such as what happened in the Russian and American revolutions.     

      

    

          

References

Benjiman, T., Hall, T., & Rutherford, D., (2001). The Atlantic World in the Age of Empire.

     Wadsworth, Cenagae Learning, Belmont, CA.

Ching, J. (2009). Thomas Jefferson, DK Publishing, New York, NY.

Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia, 6th Edition (2013). Russian Revolution, p. 1-3.

     Retrieved from: FindIt@AU.

Draper, T. (1996). A Struggle for Power. Random House, New York, NY.

Durant, W.(1957). The Story of Civilization: The Reformation. MJF Books, NY, New York.

Hosking, G. (2001). Russia and the Russians. Belknap Harvard, Boston, MA.

Krementsov, N. (2006). Big Revolution, Little Revolution: Science and Politics in Bolshevik

     Russia. Social Research, 73(4), 1173-1204.

Locke, J. (1860). http://www.brainyquotes.com.           

Marx, K. (1843) A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right.

     CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, New York, NY.

McCullough, D. (2001). John Adams. Simon and Shuster, New York, NY.

Neville, B. (2009). For God, King, and Country: Loyalism on the Eastern Shore of Maryland

     During the American Revolution. International Social Science Review, 84(3/4), 135-156.

     Retrieved from: FindIt@AU.

O’Sullivan, J. (2009). Revolutionary Types. National Review, 61(13), 27-29. Retrieved from:

     FindIt@AU.

Pirie, P. (2013, July 4). The American Revolution was a flop. The Washington Post.

     Retrieved from: FindIt@AU.

Sadlier, S. (2012). Prelude to the American Revolution? The War of Regulation: A

     Revolutionary Reaction for Reform. History Teacher, 46(1), 97-126. Retrieved from:

     FindIt@AU.

Smith, S. (1995). From Relief to Revolution: American Women and the Russian-

     American Relationship, 1890-1917. Diplomatic History, 19(4), 601-617. Retrieved from:

     FindIt@AU.

 

 

 

 

to love her with all

A thousand lifetimes 
Have come & gone,
And the one I desire-
Is a thirst I shall never
Quench, nor satisfy...
To love her with all,
Is a true worship;
The sweetest of eyes
Are etched in my mind:
I see the world through 
Love-colored lenses...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

where i live

Only in your eyes,
Did I see any reason-
Only in your eyes,
Did my life come home;
I live within the memory 
Of a sweet, short season-
That gets me through
The years of toiling alone...

 (C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

for this reason

The words, "I want you,"
Do not begin to express
All that I desire in you-
The pain of knowing 
I'll never satisfy this love-
Time cannot comfort me;
Time is irrelevant and cold...
For this reason it beats,
You are my heart's kineticism!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

dream of dreams

If I held you near me,
Scarcely I would let you go-
I would hold onto you
As if life were a mere thread;
Oh my love, to touch 
Your heart with everything 
That I am as a man-
How I desire you entirely...
Dream of dreams,
I must wake the beast of reality- 
For my life is without you.

(c) 2019 by Scott Endsley

for you

It has all been for you-
Through every tear,
The heart is still waiting;
Foolishly, I believe 
You'll come back to me...
But death will come
Before I begin to even live-
Sorrowfully, I love you,
Knowing what's not to be;
Yet, it has all been for you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

the reality of things

I've spied the furious face
Of failure many times,
His eyes they condescend-
Howbeit the sun never shines
As the rain comes to an end;
Hope is the burden that glistens,
When all the tears have dried-
And yet fear is that one thing
That makes a home of living,
When there's nothing left inside.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

love is yours

I hold you,
Even though I'm not there-
The kiss of morning 
Passes from my lips,
Each day they touch you;
Oh sweet one I adore,
My friend of all friends-
Love is yours effortlessly...
Life for me right now
Is at its very darkest-
But I cling to your memory,
And I hold to the hope
Of our renewed friendship.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a glimpse of hope

I thought I saw you today-
Whether or not it was you,
My heart leaped into joy!
Her smile, the smile of the
One I love so fondly, & dear;
But hungry eyes can see
What they're starving for...
How I want so to believe!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

if we had loved

If we had loved,
Would we have loved well?
Oh, the many times
I held you in my imagination!
I loved you as I have loved
No other woman on earth-
You were more than all
That I could ever desire;
So yes, if we had loved,
As I have loved you...
We had loved exceedingly well-
My heart dances with delight 
When I think about you...
For it is the love of you,
That gives me cause to breathe.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

for the asking

When two hearts
Beat as one-
The load is lighter,
The dread less
Intensely ominous;
For you have a refuge
Of open arms
To always receive you...
And welcome you
Into the bosom of love;
Redemption is yours
Always for the asking. 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

what makes a man fall in love?

What makes a man fall in love?
Nothing makes a man do anything-
He simply, if he's of sound mind,
Realizes he cannot live without 
The object of his desire satiable..
She is his driving force for good,
And brings out his prowess for all;
A man doesn't fall into anything,
He chooses what makes him happy,
And desires above all to reciprocate-
For her happiness, is his happiness. 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

she has her own mind

On the borderline
Of summer & fall,
Static is the meter
Of an ambivalence-
Not knowing of what
Temper to succumb,
She is gauged opaque;
Yet nature is sovereign
While man just exists;
How inane that we
Expect her to submit!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

significance

There's a place
Called Significance,
It is there that she resides-
Whether or not
She elects to recognize it,
She denotes it emphatically!
Never will I love again,
As much as I have loved;
For none can move me
The way she always will.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the reality of make believe

Never forgetting,
I cease attempting to try-
I gave it a good fight,
But stained with emotions 
That remain, in spite of time...
Emptiness is all that's left
Of whatever it was that wasn't,
And whatever wasn't, still is;
T'is the reality of make believe-
When you love, and love alone.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

love measured

Love self-measured,
Is no such love at all-
For love is freely given
Readily, and uncontrived-
Always thinking what's
Best for the one loved,
Love is never measured
Out in numbers & figures;
It's simply a spasm of joy!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

instant gratification

I succumbed to the lure
Of the dream,
Resurrected from the ruse
That enticed-
Self inflicted, breath is surely
Sometimes suicidal;
Catch a moment's notice
With eyes that need a fix-
Happiness...
Is the drug of my choice,
But content are those who
Are blind to themselves.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

good intentions

Good intentions
Often soar as badly as
Wingless gulls of flight;
But ever so meant well,
They, blind bedfellows
Of guilted conscience-
Mistakenly assume
A role of ambassador,
At the expense of candor;
Thereby reducing truth
To merely a vain glory.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

in kindness

Bitter words
Will never buy an ear,
So in kindness, I'll 
Give all that I have-
So sadly the sun set
Before the dawn awoke,
But some days
Are shorter than others;
That's just the flipside 
Of things that could've been,
It isn't the end of all things-
Just those that mattered.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

subtle foes

When you lose a dream
That wasn't meant to be found,
Certitude is your only true friend-
Yet things deeply hoped for
Remind you of their absence,
And they never find satisfaction,
Nor peace in your own resolve...
They are simply subtle foes
That war with the heart & mind;
And like Judas with a warm kiss,
Betray your better judgment.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

withdrawal

Pain is a wailing infant
That demands to be fed;
You can't pacify her
With coddling & cooing,
She wants only one thing...
And with a savage appetite,
She will scream Holy terror
Until you finally relent-
Only then, she will sleep
Like a complete angel.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

home at last

Darkened splendor, I find myself home at last with vanished thoughts of nothing more... It is all that it isn't, Isn't it, Oh life? Wasted wine on tears that never mattered, for had they, they might well have drowned me. Waste not a pint more! No, on second thought, drink to the dregs, and be of good cheer- for what does it matter? The girth of my pain Is unmeasured, and mine alone. There is one truth you can bank on in life: there's not one who loves... other than his own shadow- and I am but a shadow of what I used to be...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

torn

I am so mixed up,
Where do I turn?
Unsure about
The air I breathe,
I find no solace-
I don't know who
Is, or is not a friend;
If I knew my enemy,
May my kiss betray
His hatred for me.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

significance

Aforesaid many times,
I cannot live without your amity-
My sweetest friend,
Friendship is meaningless without 
Your heart next to mine in this world;
You are truly the one person
I was robbed of ever knowing,
That was even worth knowing & loving-
Faces pass me, I don't see them,
You are so significant to me...
Please come into my life again.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a wounded animal

Down to the dregs
My soul is wrung,
I ache for to love-
Yet the one I adore
Has cast me aside,
And I see me fit to die;
But life has a way
Of emboldening 
A wounded animal,
And I will love still-
My mind, I may lose,
But never my heart.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

wonderment

In the eyes of a child,
You see wonder unfolding-
Though wonderment 
Is looking outwardly distant;
But in your eyes, my love,
I've seen wonder unfolding 
Inwardly, inside your soul-
For yours is the epitome 
Of all that is to be loved.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

doublespeak

A giant question mark
Is posted like a billboard 
In the middle of certainty-
Surrealism at its best!
Answers sit on the wall,
While facts have a great fall,
And truth comes tumbling after!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

passion at the wheel

Circular dreams,
Dreams of no end-
I sleep them often...
Passion at the wheel,
Once lost, I am found;
For I'm faced again
With neglected years,
Yet I never resolve
The unanswered pain;
For the sands of sleep
Sift as though hurried,
And awakening is my
Great salvatore of grace...
Am I better not knowing,
Or passion my friend?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

eye in the keyhole

Here I am
That want my blood,
My head hung low...
But I'm not running,
My feet are swift
To abide in their resolve;
I live in their watch
At all times, with no 
End to their scrutiny...
It is the end of sorrows,
For my mind is the last
Thing they can steal-
And peace is mine,
For I've set it free to fly;
I am indeed free, though
Fettered by their hatred.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

this man

Sweet is your name 
Above all names;
To gaze into your eyes
And repeat it lovingly-
What man would not
Find pleasure in that?
To simply hold your hand
And hear your voice-
What man would not
Faint of ecstasy & elation?
This man would be satisfied 
To just to write about you
If that's all he were allowed,
And that is pure heaven!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

it's all for you

Like a melodic nightingale
My heart sings unleashed,
Though caged mercilessly-
Freedom lies in your arms...
It's all for you, the song
Of everything that I desire,
You are its true rendering;
The one who holds the key,
Is the one whose name 
Is forever on my thirsting lips.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

kicking against the goads

I cling to thoughts
That bear me hope,
And to despair asunder-
Yet the shattered bridge
On which it crosses,
Is all but buried under-
But I'll speak none more
Of the rain that pours,
For I am living thunder;
And all of the world
May shake their heads,
Simply awed in wonder.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the woman i love

If she were a book,
She is a page-turner-
Novel in her finesse,
This woman reads
Like a mysterious
Narrative of the eyes;
Hidden from the simple,
Will keep you guessing
With no plot in her intent-
She just is what she is;
But you, a slow reader.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

little sister

My little sister,
The one I love so much-
Though we've never 
Shared the same blood,
We are of one family...
My heart knows you well,
Your burdens are its own-
For I pray that the angels 
Are in your constant watch...
And I'm thankful God merged
Our paths along two roads,
And pray we cross again-
For our journey isn't over.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

what is a fool?

Mystery remains in her eyes,
And I can't reach within them-
Deep brown, shallow though I remain...
She is my favorite torment,
And I gladly put my heart in the fire!
You call me a fool, I say not-
No man is a fool that abrogates
His monotony with that which he relishes-
For fools die complacently,
Never trying to solve desired mysteries.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a sincere supplication

What now, that I am lost?
For, my friend, you are my 
Ambit of impetus & purpose-
Laugh though you may,
It is not easily understood;
Never have I loved as much...
But something about you is 
A part of me, now missing-
And I want it more than 
All that remains with me...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the fire of emotion

Into the fire of emotion,
Stuttered steps toward
Indecisive determination
Gains no man a mastery-
He can only progress
Beyond his own shadow;
But those that persevere
Let not passion rule them,
But instead, harness it.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

rambling rhyme

I can rhyme well,
And I know it-
Almost as good as
Edgar Allan Poet!
I don't always use
The right verbiage,
But you can't fault
Me for my courage;
I won't bore you
With all the details,
But my first poem
Was about toenails-
They're quite ubiquitous
I must have to say,
For everybody's got'em,
Even horses that neigh...
No, this wont be
The last poem I write,
But the last one you read?
It sure as hell might!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

celebrate

I will celebrate,
Though you may
Fail to see,
Such reason to be 
Exuberant-
Yes, how can it be?
But to love is a gift,
That none can see-
And no greater gift
Was given, than she...
My heart stands ready,
To set all the hurt free-
I'm no longer lonely,
She lives inside of me;
So celebrate I will,
And do so in glee...
You may have this world,
But as for me?
No greater gift is worthy
Than that of she.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

time though distant

Always to love her-
The only woman 
Who spoke as much
To my heart, as she;
Time though distant,
She remains my friend...
Two souls that touched
And embraced unseen,
Yet we in our humanness 
Resisted, and ran away...
She is with me always,
I will never leave her;
Though we may never
Meet in this world again.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

my guardian angel

My grandmother Velma, gone now 25 years, was a virtuous woman- always giving of herself; there was rarely a Christmas gift she received that she wouldn't give away to "someone who needed it more." She was my guardian angel. An ardent member of Lawton's, First Christian Church, I'm not sure, but probably since it's founding; she was a woman of faith, but struggled with false guilt. I remember taking my 2nd wife to meet her in the nursing home when she was 96, nearing the end of her life and suffering from dementia. She knew she was dying, and was afraid of eternal damnation. My wife and I encouraged her and reminded her of her life of charity, and assured her she was going to heaven as a believer. She was suddenly taken aback and asked, "Why in the world would I want to go to heaven?" I stuttered quite befuddled, "Well, why wouldn't you?" She looked out the window and said, "Cause all my friends are in hell!" My wife and I had a hard time keeping a straight face not knowing if it was the innocence of her mental state at the time, or just my grandmother's quick wit doing the talking, but it was to be the last memory I have of her. There's no doubt my wonderful grandmother is with Jesus, and she probably keeps Him laughing every now & then, everyday in eternity.

successful intervention

When I started seeing my therapist 3 years ago, I was a total mess... He showed me that my problem was, that I spent too much time inside of my own brain. But after his exhaustive & extensive intervention, I am today happy to say I am finally & completely outta my mind!

gone

When it's gone,
It's gone everyday- 
A spark, a flicker
Of something 
I couldn't have...
The thing I loved
More than breath;
I am a dead man-
For what is life?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

mom & dad

Circles in the sand,
Where am I going?
Getting nowhere but older
In a world without my own direction-
You make your own bed,
But cover it with hand-me-downs;
Yet it ain't until they are all gone
That they grace your autonomy;
But, God, how I miss them so...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a night out with the guys

Over expensive 
Alaskan crab-
The gift of gab
Is but a grab,
Leav'em laughing
With the tab,
And if they anger
With a nab...
You have one option-
Calling a cab!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

in my child's mind

In my child's mind,
My world was not my own-
Nor did I belong to the confusion;
Mixed messages of pain & love,
In my child's mind...
A staged play I imagined it to be,
The world were merely stand ins-
No one really existed, just me,
In my child's mind...
The cruelty of my loving father
Along with my mother invading me,
I believed abnormality the norm,
In my child's mind...
Yes, love has many faces-
Some are the most reassuring,
Some are cold and detached,
Yet in their own familiarity, they are love;
But in my child's mind,
I wasn't sure what love was-
I am now 61 years old 
And I'm finally figuring out what it's not.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

theories

So silently faded,
The days of yore-
But the same life goes 
As the same heart knows,
The sun may rise again;
Yet another goodbye
Awaits around the bend...
Time affords no one
With preparedness,
Its all a game of chance-
Today's the day to live,
Tomorrow is just a theory.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a gift from the giver of none

Loneliness is not something
That you can share...
It's yours, and yours alone-
A gift from the giver of none;
It doesn't care if you are loved,
As long as you feel beneath it-
It's not concerned about
Your personal popularity,
It knows you're lost in the crowd!
It's the only friend that 
Keeps you focused on the yourself;
Such a noble friend, loneliness...
Sometimes it loves you so much,
It spares of things that might matter.

(C)2019 by Scott Endsley

to be a builder

In my heart 
There are many mansions,
Set apart for the few;
Though many friends betray,
Some are trusted in faith;
Even so, all beloved friends...
The mansions of my heart-
I can choose to build them,
Or I can choose to end all;
But I choose to be a builder
And allow for the cautious,
For not all have had a home,
Much less one built 
From the human soul.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

tear down the walls

Time in my shoes?
There's blisters that await,
And I'm two sizes bigger
Than your pumps that deflate;
I wouldn't wanna be you,
You wouldn't wanna be me;
Not worth even considering,
Its simply a fait accompli;
You say my life's so easy,
I've not a care in the world,
You don't know my struggles-
Or the flags that I unfurl...
Yeah, the mouth is so much mightier 
Than all the ships on the seas-
With the tongue you can excavate
The dead from a blissful peace;
But live your life in gratitude 
That no one has stolen your soul,
And tear down the walls of bitterness,
Or be confined within their hold.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

life's mainstay

The soul is only as deep
As the heart that has surfaced-
Risk is life's mainstay,
It may cost you to go it alone;
But better to die against foes,
Than die in a bed of neglect-
For apathy annihilates the soul,
Yet, fighting behind one's heart
Totally transcends the life of it...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a satirical expose of bob dylan

Bob Dylan used to just be a humdinger folksinger, now he's a musical extraordinaire, and has covered just about every popular music genre in his (approaching) 60 year career. He's the only songwriter to ever win the Pulitzer Prize, and the Nobel Peace Prize. Not bad for someone who was almost dropped from Columbia Records label shortly after his first release. No other songwriter in the history of music has had as much influence on other artists, as Mr Dylan. How the heck does one accomplish such a feat when he sings like a hyena, and plays the guitar just so so? Perhaps that is part of his appeal. If he was all prettied up, we wouldn't believe him. But as it stands now, when Mr Dylan farts... the world listens! We not only listen, but we want to know, "WHAT DID IT MEAN?" The ever elusive Bobby will just shrug, "Well, uh... I just passed gas, that's all..." If you or I said that, it would just be an explanation of something we didn't mean to do. But Mr Genius not only passed gas, but played it down... how modest! Just last year Bob put up his Christmas lights, and Rolling Stone magazine did a 24 page layout on the symmetrical and geometrical phenomenon he had created in his front yard. Bob got disgusted, and took them down, saying, "Y'all's nuts..." Several radio stations held phone in contests, as to who could best pick Bob's brain, and figure out whose nuts he was talking about. Bob recently suggested he was thinking of retiring from the limelight. He says he wants to lead a non pretentious life, and just sit on his back porch, and eat Pork n Beans for the rest of his life. And if they make him fart, "its nobody's damned business..."

missing you

It wasn't hard to love you,
Twas the only thing to do-
The first time I saw you, 
Twas then that I knew...
You were everything 
That meant anything to me;
Its as simple as all of that,
No poetic nuances to impress-
I've grown old missing you,
The years are an emptiness...

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

convenience

I saw a street bum today,
He looked hungry-
No, not for lack of food,
But for a human touch;
I didn't know what to do...
Eventhough, all he wanted
Was the breadcrumb of a friend;
Yet, that was too much!
I mean, what was his motive?
So I slipped him a wad of bills,
And walked away as fast as I could.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

from my bed of remorse

What if there were 
No worlds between us,
And we we're so close-
Ah, such a foolish notion!
Time has proven itself 
Our bitterest foe alike,
My mind in constant rewind-
The pain in slow motion...
It's useless to make believe-
Something went wrong
From the very beginning,
And I'm holding onto 
Hopes I held so long ago;
You were to be the friend
That made all the difference...
And I guess I gave you 
An impossible task to complete;
Forgive me my selfishness,
You live forever in my heart.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

therapy session

There's a world inside my brain,
Though some may think insane-
It ticks and it talks,
As do some cuckoo clocks...
And ding-a-lings, again & again.
When trying to make it all known
To the shrink, who lets out a moan-
It will suddenly ring,
And my doctor will sing-
"By golly, its just a telephone!"

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

unmerited favor

The man that I am
Does not walk on water,
I do not heal the sick-
I'm a sick man drowning!
But there's a healing hand
That reaches where I am at;
It has reached many times,
Though I've never grasped...
I wallow in my pool of pain
Like the fool that I am,
And yet, He still reaches...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

seek

Scale the wall
Of all that is familiar,
Or you will never 
See beyond its confinement-
Someday, you must
Either burn it down,
Or stagnate like stilled water;
God's glory is measurable 
Only in asking questions...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Fear not

When your wounds
Are inside out,
Your an untouchable-
Better to bleed inwardly...
But I am a sick man,
I may just vomit
My heart all over you!
My humanity is not
Epidemic, however...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

let me paint your likeness

To paint your likeness 
For all the world to see-
The colors of time's brush 
Must reflect your dignity-
Oh, sweet rose of my eyes,
Where oh where do I begin-
This move to capture grace,
Is but a silly, fanciful whim...
So words have I only, my love,
To describe the one I adore-
And these alone won't suffice,
For one who is so much more.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the great race

I'm running fast as I can
Away from myself,
All that I am gains speed-
Legs built up through pride
Soon tire, and I fall behind...
My past is in front of me;
So I try to go back & fix it,
But now it's irreparable!
Had I remedied the past
By confessing & repenting,
I'd still have been in the race.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i am blessed

Being stuck in a bed, easy chair and wheelchair for months, I've had time to put things in perspective. I've learned over my life, that nothing escapes providence. A very dear friend and I had coffee today; this friend almost died of a stroke a year ago. But he now gives God glory that the Lord has used his stroke for His bigger picture. I started thinking about my own medical situation, though not as serious as my friend's, and decided to give God glory for my current hardship, in hopes that it makes me a more patient person. God has been very good to me all of my life. I am a farcry better off as an adult, than what I ever was as a child. To be candid, as a handicapped child, I had to wear diapers until I was thirteen years old. God has blessed me through medical science, as I am now a fully continent adult. Through prayer and medical intervention, I learned to walk at the age of three, and walk even better as an adult. My condition has improved with age, against all odds. This brief period I'm going through right now, has given me a chance to slow down and get back into God's word. Things don't happen by accident! The blinders removed, I see the Master's fingerprints on every aspect of my life now. I've definitely borrowed more than my share of grace over the years, and I want to be a better person. I thank God for my disability... Yes, you read that correctly! I would not have in my nature had any need for God otherwise. And besides, I get a better parking spot than you! Someone once made the mistake of saying "Jesus is just for cripples!" In my presence. I just shrugged, "Well, thank God for that!" I thank everyone's prayers for my continued recovery, please pray that I don't wimp out in the faith, as well.

transcendence

I found your heart last week-
Oh, what to do with it?
Not knowing where you resided,
I blanketed it, and took it home;
Over the days, it grew into mine,
And I feared giving it back...
But, one day, there came a knock!
Yes, your heart was no longer mine;
But as I closed the door behind me,
I noticed that nothing had changed...
Though I no longer possessed it,
It was as vibrant as ever, in my own.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

skin deep

You don't know me-
Oh, I've let you get so far,
But you stop where it hurts!
And the things you've heard?
Why, they are only perceptions 
Outta the mouths of jackals;
I might be worse than that!
No, you don't know me,
But I don't know you either-
Are you truly transparent?
Thank God, you are not,
Cause I don't wanna know!
I'll just take what I see in you
And make the best of it...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

citadel

The night knows 
The depths of your heart-
As unseen arms,
They hold you in dreams;
Darkness is of no threat...
God's sweet child,
The one I love so dear-
The angels stand watch;
The citadel of your heart
Beckons on your behalf...
Like one would for his own.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

what makes a song a song

In 1989 I was in Los Angeles attending a BMI songwriters workshop. One of the speakers there was Little Richard, who told a story behind the song Tutti Frutti, and the most memorable line of the whole song. He said he was trying to get the drummer to play a certain way at a point in the song, and finally gave up and went, "Wop-bop-a-loop-bop-a-bam-bam-boom!" The drummer couldn't get the beat down, so the engineer suggested that Little Richard just put that line into the song, which probably made it a hit. You never know what can make a song a song.

wealth vs poverty

I often hear people say they endeavour to be "independently wealthy." I find this quest to be a rediculous oxymoron. Sure, the more money you have in your possession, the more likelihood of instant gratification. But that's definitely not independent. Even if you were the wealthiest man on earth, you are still beholden to making sure your wealth is not taken away from you. You still have your people, who work for you, to take care of; you still have the trouble of, year after year, appeasing the IRS... so what have you gained but constant worry? To be truly independently wealthy would be to live homeless, owing nobody. Not an ideal lifestyle, but, if stark naked, no one could take anything away from you, but your life. You wouldn't live long and healthy, but in only abject poverty do you have real personal freedom. The more wealth you acquire in this world, the less independent you are from it. Christ was exemplary of this sort of poverty, but his wealth was otherworldly. Wealth is not necessarily evil, however. But sloth and laziness is definitely not good. Poverty can be wealth if its blessed with strong families and strong values. Rich and poor are subjective. The poor man may be perfectly, happily satisfied, whereas the rich man wanting even more & more. The wealthiest and happiest people on the earth, are those that can simply use that which God gave them, to bless others. As far as independent, we are all God's family and here to help and lift one another up. Otherwise, find a vacant island!

it's only rock n roll

When the group Disturbed did their version of Simon & Garfunkel's "Sound of Silence," and gave it a dark metal feel, many S&G fans felt indignant for Paul Simon, who wrote the song; though he himself said it was a brilliant rendition, and the best cover of any of his songs. Many songwriters are quite guarded about their work, sometimes considering their music their children. Michael Jackson wasn't, apparently. He thought Weird Al's "Eat it," a take off on "Beat it," was exceptionally funny. However, Weird Al took some heat for his rendition of "Gangsta's Paradise," with "Amish Paradise." The author of the song was especially offended because he felt the "serious" matter of the song was being mocked. Since then, Al has had song after song blocked. When your art becomes such an extension of yourself that a personal interpretation of it defaces you, it's time to pick a new profession. Too many artists take themselves too seriously, spouting off about political matters of which they know nothing about, and come off sounding pretentious when they get upset because someone dares to parody their efforts. As much as I never really cared for Elvis Presley, I admired him for one thing. When often asked about something political in nature, he would say, "I'm sorry sir, I'm just an entertainer, not a politician." When Elvis Costello was asked to comment on the 50th anniversary of "Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band," and it's "important contribution" to cultural literacy. His answer was simply, "You've asked the wrong person... I mean, it's only rock n roll." It would be refreshing if more artists had that attitude.

the love that remains

The love that remains
Will never betray with words,
Eyes never again to see you
Will always favor your likeness-
That you look down on me
Only confirms I look up to you;
Yes, the love that remains 
Will forever be faithful to you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

color them broken

Color them broken,
These bottles of tears-
Spilt and bled out,
Never mind the years...
My love is for nothing,
It died at the dawn-
Just when the sun broke,
There appeared a swan;
But it crashed & burned,
At the behest of jeers-
So color them broken,
These bottles of tears.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

gone

It was all but a dream,
I suppose-
Fancied hopes that flowered,
Like a rose;
Now there's nothing left-
But the residue of a theft
From my heart;
And the pain that it knows.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

inner struggle

I can't live with myself,
I must find a new place-
Yet everywhere I go,
It's me that I face...
I turned down an alley,
Climbed up some stairs-
Bumped into a stranger;
It was me, unawares!
I fell asleep and dreamed
I put my enemy on a shelf,
Only to awake and find
I was beside myself;
Okay, okay, I guess,
There's no escaping me-
I'll move back, right away,
If I will just let me be!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

all that i am

When I survey all that I am,
I see my efforts to be of good
Eclipsed by that which prevails-
Tendencies that surface unchecked;
A wellspring of self hatred,
Though it may be the capstone 
Hinged on the wall of abusive cause-
I have to blame only I, the aggressor...
For choice is given to all,
And to all is given a way out;
But I have missed the mark...
Only into the arms of grace can I fall,
And only can I lean on Him, to change.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

always

I love you
With everything I am,
And I know
That I am not enough-
I'm to blame for all;
You were so gracious to me-
I hope someday you'll 
Forgive my loving memory,
Or the things that got
In the way of it...
You are truly a sweet person,
And I am less of a person
Without your friendship;
I'll never Know if you read this,
But I pray for your happiness. 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

release

In the absence of you,
I find my peace by writing-
Every letter of every word
Is a release of my heart,
For I have no other recourse;
Life without you is impossible,
I need your friendship...

 (C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

thoughts

In the depths of my soul
Resides a dear friendship,
Though years divide us-
Love will always be yours.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

pain pills & regret

Day to day I face the past,
My bed, a restraining order-
Detached from the world
Yet rejoined in my mind;
I have a millenia to think...
Euphoria and depression 
Play out the bitter blows,
I am down in their count;
Counting dots on the ceiling 
With only half of a brain,
I am drunk from regret's fount.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

building walls

I'm building walls
To hold in my freedom-
Listening to voices
Of nothing to say-
Turning around to see 
I'm only one with two,
While two have three...
My mind's made up,
A design of my own-
While the deed is done,
The seed is but sewn;
I'm building walls
And there ain't any say-
I'm building walls
May all clamor pine away!

  (C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

timid birds

Timid birds,
They all fly in unison-
But none desire to 
Wing it all alone;
For what would
All the world think?
Dare to be different,
And it's all you can do
Not to kill a mockingbird!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the guarded heart

The guarded heart
Knows no intruders,
To be broken is futile-
To love is a distant myth
Only for the farsighted...
But to be blind is a virtue,
For you cannot see
Beyond your own eyes;
Thereby making it easier 
To not know you are lonely.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

no particular title

Better to feed the eyes
And starve the belly,
Than to indulge in a feast 
With blind, hateful fools-
For what you partake in,
You become a proponent of...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

cool versus square

The earth is a circle 
Full of many squares,
The Cool, a great minority-
For who's cool to you
May not be cool to me;
But square, it's set in stone...
The salt of the earth,
They are certainty the croutons
In the salad days of the cool;
In ubiquity, they are marked,
Like roaches at the beach.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

trust

A silver lining 
Behind the rain,
A reprieve from this,
My silent pain-
To live is Christ,
And to die is gain;
Yet to hasten its way,
I must surely refrain.

For I see it not yet,
Tomorrow's grace,
And the blessed assurance,
Of my Savior's face-
Though the last in line,
In life's great race;
The Master will carry me,
At His desired pace.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

alive

The clouds of my eyes
Have been broken,
I now see so much more
Than yesterday's pain-
Fingerprints of purpose,
Evidence of tomorrow's 
Promises have surfaced;
I'm holding onto dreams 
Slept upon for all my life,
Awakened and realized...
I am alive on this day!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

deed

There's a place
Inside this heart
That belongs to
Only you, no one 
Can infringe upon it...
Regardless of what
That means to you,
Unconditionally,
I will always love you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

my life

Choosing a road
To get lost on
And calling it home,
My life, a sojourn;
Where to find peace?
I tasted death today,
A life without me-
Sweet to the lips
And sour to the belly-
Is that the answer?
There is no answer
But the questions 
That keep one thinking...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

change

I'm not at all the man I want to be. I endeavor to do good and fail miserably. I'd cut off my right hand to undo the pain caused to others, if it would in fact remedy my wrongs. I want so bad to be loved, and then I fuck it up! Some how, God's grace isn't enough to sooth my aching soul. It simply isn't sufficient to blame my behavior totally on my past; my boat may have holes on the bottom, but I am, after all, the captain of this ship. I have to steer it, no matter what the conditions are. But I also need God's direction in my life, and I must stop making excuses that lead to bad behavior. I have, hopefully, 30 years more of this life, and I want to lead an exemplary life for my kids & grandchildren. I need to not only profess Christ, but practice Christ as well. This is my public declaration of the changes in my life to be a better person.

 

a book of hope

The book of "Revelation" is one of hope. This is not the popular consensus of the day that would have you believe it's all about doom & gloom. Instead, modern day prophets (ie profits) rake in literally millions of dollars, scaring the hell out of people by their literal interpretation of apocalyptic literature. The Bible is clear that there are "many" antichrists, not just one. The spirit of antichrist is simply defined as one that denies that Jesus was God in human flesh. The number 666 conjures up all sorts of wild and fantastic ideas about a futuristic world leader who will reek havoc on the world. Could it be that this has already come to pass in history? ”The Greek name “Nero Caesar” put into Hebrew letters is NRON QSRN, which adds up to six hundred and sixty-six. If this were all we had to go on, then Nero would not be any more likely a candidate than any other name that could add up to this number. But Nero was notorious for his persecution of Christianity. He certainly was an antichrist! The book of Revelation is largely a historical book, naming churches of its day such as Philadelphia. These were NOT future churches. Christians have always suffered persecution, and always will. The Bible foretells this. During Nero's time, they were sawed in half, burned alive, and tortured gruesomely. 666 is also the number of incomplete man. God created man on the 6th day. Man is a threefold being (body, soul, & spirit). Seven is the biblical number of completion, so without the presence of Christ in his life, his is simply 666. It is my conviction that Christians will suffer until the end. The word "Rapture" is not found in the bible. We are not exempt from suffering just because we are God's children. That is an American theological fabrication. When the dead in Christ rise first, and we who are left go to meet the Lord, that is simply the end of time on this earth for all life. The scripture about two men walking up a hill, and one is left, if interpreted correctly makes clear that the one taken "goes to the vultures." That doesn't sound indicative of heaven. We are to live our lives with our eyes on God, not looking for superficial apocalyptic beasts. The book of "Revelation" is one of hope, for in the end, after all we have suffered throughout history, we win!

black

My sun has set,
No tears can replenish 
The loss of my mind-
No shoulder can rest
My weary heart...
Pain unimaginable;
The night has come
To steal my soul.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

te amo

You are the song
From out of my heart,
For a woman like you 
Makes a man sing-
Your melodic eyes
Pull me into your soul,
I am a symphony of love;
Never has music ever
Resonated with such meaning-
As I sing you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

she is

She is the Helios
Of my universe,
That which is true-
The one who pierced 
My hardened heart;
Such a sweet apple 
In my hungry eye-
Forever the memory 
That lingers on & on;
A woman above women.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

nothing new under the sun

Music is melodic mathematics. No one "writes" music, all music is preconceived, the writer simply eliminates what was not meant to be part of a preexisting mathematical equation. This is indicative of Michael Angelo's explanation that the sculptor simply eliminates what's not meant be in a sculpture already complete. Which leads one to wonder, is anything truly novel or unique? Or are we as humans too simple minded to see that, "nothing is new under the sun?" One man's original idea is at best, plagiarism unbeknownst. Somebody somewhere had the same idea. Why? Because that which is made has already been made. Human's can only funnel that which the Creator first envisioned, and spoke into existence from the beginning. We as human cannot speak universes into existence, we are simply part of the natural order of one created by a Higher Being. So in essence, God is the true creator of all music and art, we are just their instruments of implementation.

you matter

Somebody loves you,
It may not matter to you,
But you matter to me-
You're only one in 7 billion,
But you're one that matters;
I pray for you every day,
And often think about you-
Thank you for being...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the new world order

The crucibles of war
Are forged by many swords-
Though many are deadly,
One attribute is cunning, indeed;
They'll speak the language 
Of brotherhood, with the 
pretense of sustaining order, 
and the overall arching peace-
Yet, with a forked tongue,
They'll "Nation build" through war,
Thereby supplant real peace, with 
A controlled Chaos.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

only human

People disappoint us-
They are flesh and blood,
And not demigods of reliability...
They're guilty of living life
And concerned with keeping it,
Not sacrificial in their nature;
Only one came to fulfill 
What was not possible for any of us;
Give others the grace God gave us,
And let's tear down the crosses.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

surface bubbles

Submerged-
My cries of fear
No one can hear;
Held down below
The bounds of reason,
My mind submits...
It's a misery I know well-
None can save me.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

so appreciated

Until I met you
Perfection was unthinkable,
These eyes had adapted 
To the banal & mundane-
Never had I witnessed beauty 
That teared my longing eyes,
For I knew you'd not be mine;
So fortunate the one
Who will always have you to love,
He is blessed beyond measure.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a prayer for a very dear friend

Yours is the future,
The tattered past lay in waste-
Long may you run,
Freed from the pursuit of despair
And the grip of night...
Love has come to your house-
May you give it immediate care,
For it will always belong to you
As the keeper of my heart...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a meaning for life

Some people spend the last 50 years, or so, of their lives, reliving their first 20. Many of us tend to think of life as linear, and our best years behind us, when life is really quite cyclical, when we think in terms of family. But if we always expect self gratification, and turn love into a sponge, as opposed to a life giving force, then naturally our best years will be those in which we got all the gusto we could! But real love at best is a verb, an action, and not just an urge necessary for procreation. Love is an 89 year old bride spoon feeding her ill husband of sixty years, in a nursing home. It's a father bailing his son out of jail. Most indicative, it was God becoming a human, and dying a criminals death, so that we would not suffer for our ignorance, when we fall short, and forget how to love one another. Life is not linear, for the cycle continues through those whose lives we touch with our love. For with what measure is given, is returned.

Physical Pain

Buddhism was never intended to be a religion. Guatama Buddha was the son of a well to do civil servant, who decided not to follow in his father's footsteps, but instead pursue a lifelong journey of wisdom. Much of what he taught is not necessarily anathema to the Christian faith. Sometimes, we as Christians are quick to assume anything to do with eastern philosophy is heretical; this is merely ethnocentrism. I would draw the line with reincarnation, however. Yet one teaching Buddhism espouses to that the west would benefit from deals with the issue of physical pain. We in the west will do anything to divert it. Buddhism teaches just the opposite, to instead focus on the pain until it becomes the norm. This sounds absurd to us in the west, we will go at lengths to avoid pain. This is why we have such a problem with drug abuse. But if we learn to accept pain as a part of the natural human condition, it becomes more tolerable. The mind is an amazing survival tool; if we would learn to use it instead of the external, we would live healthier lives.

a lesson in progression

It is what it is,
No such thing as "what if?"
What you've stepped into,
Step out, one foot forward-
You can't go back...
If you've simply screwed up,
Tomorrow will still come tomorrow-
But yesterday is unsalvageable!
If wrong- make right,
Don't put up a fight-
You can't argue with the past,
Only lessen your future plight.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i am not a victim

In the depths of despair
I am not a sinking stone,
My head will not be held down;
You may victimize the dead,
But I am fully alive & kicking-
I will not be your tattered clown...
What was done, was done & done-
Scars heal to form a stronger bond;
I live in the light of one who rose,
Though death had all but won.


(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

awol

The battle is done,
I've buried my sword-
For I am what I am...
A priceless fool, aimless
And void of all worth!
This war within is over
But I will not surrender,
I will simply die quietly;
The fields are ripe,
And I am stale wheat-
Reap your harvest well.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

affirmation

Affirmation is found
In his lover's eyes...
A man is not a man,
Until his woman 
Christens his soul;
She is his catalyst,
His tenacity when
His half needs a whole-
She's a force to be
Reckoned with tenderness,
She's his eyes and heart
In a shadowy wilderness;
He's nothing without
Her honey-laced touch,
He's just a man-
And without his woman,
That ain't much!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

my regret

I found in you a magnetic soul,
And was drawn to your silence-
You were of the purest essence 
My heart had ever desired...
But I could not look upon you in lust,
For you were like a daughter;
Yet time entered my mind
And twisted God's intentions-
Oh, precious one, I ache in regret,
The love I have for you is so true;
I'd die a thousand deaths
Just to live again in the hope
Of our one day being friends.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

wretch that i am

I am human,
Yet I am inhumane-
When I sin,
I am antichrist;
No need to look
For a devil or beast,
For he lives in me...
God help me 
To overcome myself!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i will love

I will love
No matter the cost-
It is not dependent 
On a quid pro quo!
If forsaken,
I will love all the more-
If wronged,
I will not even the score;
I will change the world,
Starting with me-
If I fail to move mountains,
It's just reality...

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

bottles of tears

Every tear that I've shed
On behalf of you,
May they not be wasted-
Some are droplets of prayer,
Others- selfish desires;
Yet tears well spent,
For I learned to love dearly...
If they were kept in a bottle,
Bearing your sweet name,
They would be a prized wine-
Oh, my friend, I love you
More than than there are
Enough bottles to possibly fill..

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

eternal security

I found it,
Though it was never lost-
But I am simply reminded 
Of what I took for granted;
All things become new!
I am not what I perceive,
For what I perceive 
Is lost, until it's found again...
And what is found again,
Was in the hands of providence.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i shall always remember

The bridge was crossed
Before it was set to flame,
Two now a distant world-
Though a sea parted,
A river forever embedded
Of blood that is one life;
A bond that remains-
For eyes that met in love
Shall not be embittered,
Yet always look upon 
One another inwardly.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

for better or worse

All things die-
For better or worse,
The earth reclaims...
A deadman's dust
Is a new man's life-
A seed must die
Before it flowers;
Yet love never dies,
It would give all-
For all the world
Is yet but a whim,
When a man so loves.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

if congress had to unstop a toilet

If Congress were to be given the responsibility to unstop a toilet, a motion would first be made by an upstart, freshman Democrat, to appropriate emergency funding, thereby making way for an investigatory committee to look into the matter more extensively. The Republicans would then quickly poo poo the matter, and suggest that it be flushed a few more times instead. After month & months of deliberations as to how to resolve the problem, a ways and means committee would be formed, as ordered by the Speaker of the House, that would look into effective ways of ensuring that less toilet paper be used for future usage. After a recess, Congress would convene once again in time for midterm elections to finish, with a divided House. Republicans and Democrats would be in disagreement as to how to get things moving again. A senior Democrat would filibuster on the House floor, preventing a final vote on a resolution to shut down the government to force a compromise, proposed by the Republicans, thus not allowing compatriots to relieve themselves during his speech for 18 miserable hours! In angst, the president would intervene, and perform an executive order by grabbing a plunger and taking the matter into his own hands. The Democrats would then threaten to impeach him.... the Republicans would then claim they are the party of unity, and wet their finger to test the air.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

when hope was mine

When hope was mine,
I had every reason to breathe-
Every day was the friend
I thought I had found,
But like blown umbrells 
She scattered as a dream;
And while hope evades me,
I look into the face of dread-
I see loss in these eyes,
And tears that never subside;
A friend forever gone,
Like the hope that was mine



(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

muzzle the heart

Cross not the bounds
Of a tempered speech-
Do as you please,
But please, don't speak!
Your thoughts be ours
And peace is guaranteed-
But unbridle the tongue,
And your war has begun;
For you are free
To believe you are free,
So long as you fully agree-
That freedom is a privilege,
The auspice of authority.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

survival of the fattest

Watchful hands,
Binocular bystanders
In a stance of hunger-
You find yourself at prey...
Mirrored by the agony
Of your perpetrators,
Who, long dead, 
Feast on your fears.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

frazzled

Broken pieces of me
Are all I can offer up-
I am frazzled beyond
Years of tears & fears;
Not a friend do I know
That I can confide in...
Loneliness knows me,
Yet still I am all alone.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

risk

Charred remains
Of a fire never blazed,
Debris in its absence 
Strewn like war dead-
Risks never taken
Are failures predetermined...
But blame is seldom
A finger pointing inward;
Years I have wasted
On digging up the dead,
And not supplanting it...
Yes, life begins where you
Just might lose it all.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

untouchables?

A friend and I were having a discussion when he provoked my mind concerning Jesus touching and healing the leper (Matthew 8:3). He said, "Can you imagine, after being "untouchable" most of your life, finally being touched?" We often think of ourselves as "untouchable" before God because of our uncleanliness and sin. We minimize the sins of such saints as Paul, who was a murderer, and Mary Magdalene, who was a prostitute, because, after all, they were saints! Consider that neither of them came to Jesus, begging on their knees for forgiveness. Paul was chosen while he still rebelled, and Mary was brought before Jesus by the pharisees to be stoned, but he forgave her instead. Grace was given to both, in spite of the bloodshed, and the filth in their lives. We tend to pretty up Paul and Mary's pasts in our minds, but face it, they probably were worse than you or I. Yet, Jesus changed them and used them for his purposes. There are many "untouchables and pharisees" among us, even today. But nobody is such a reprobate that they are beyond redemption, despite what some may preach. Jesus died for the ungodly, so that they could become Holy. Yet salvation is not a one and done thing. We have to work at daily, with "fear and trembling." But when we do fall, grace is there to catch us.

shadow's prey

Candid, almost naked,
Yet bearing scars worn
Like badges of courage-
But I am of no valor...
I am cowardice and scared,
And there is no one to run from-
I am my shadow's prey,
The vacancy that is my heart;
Howbeit I am still waiting?

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

orb

A maze in flux-
Scattered thoughts 
Wandering in the mist 
Of my confusion;
Webs caught in their
Own trappings of fear...
The scales of my eyes 
Have blinded the world 
From seeing inside;
Like broken windows
Of a soul never known.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the river

There's a river
Once begun that never ends-
It weaves through time,
Forever embedded...
Some have tried to dam it,
But the river flows freely
And never dies;
It will only grow more vast
As it is determined to flow!
What is this river of sorts?
The river is my heart of hearts,
That knows no bounds for
Whom I love...

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

sea of autumn

For a season
The world was mine,
And I lent freely a heart
Brimming with laughter-
But soon, all levity 
Faded like the innocence 
That accompanied it;
Glancing at broken light,
The world behind me
Withered into the Sun-
And all of time was gone
Into a Sea of Autumn...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

compatriots of passion

With the tongue,
One can murder a soul-
Bitter words are like 
Ricocheting bullets;
They can slay 
Even the aggressor...
And with the heart,
One can destroy another;
Yet, The tongue & heart,
Compatriots of passion,
Can often act in unison
And raise the living dead.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a face remembered

A face remembered
From out of forgotten dreams-
For whose heart I am vigilant!
One that was beauty's commensurate 
Flame of prominence...
For no one can possibly 
Move the stone that I've become,
Save the sweet touch of her hand.
 
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

within a simple sigh

A wasted breath
As passing thoughts dot the sky,
In a moment of reverie...
What deems time worth spent?
Released from out the grip of a groan,
A burst of a single repose speaks
A life's worth of pain & strife;
All within a simple sigh
Is the epitome of expression...
For which there are no words.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

world without a face

A motherless womb of eyes;
Blind, though seeing clearly
In a world without a face-
Hungry mouths gluttonous,
Tongues of desire insatiable
Yet choking on jaded satisfaction;
While the penniless make do
On empty political promises,
The world goes by gawking
As faceless as a train wreck...
Like a motherless womb of eyes
Is the sudden birth of truth.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

lullabies of lament

When the heart succumbs 
To lullabies of lament,
And sadness is the mother 
Of all your emotions-
Yesterday's sun still shines
As it once did on better days...
This truth called pain is merely
A temporary tempest of time;
As permanence, a falsehood 
Of a heart without hope...
Though dark be the night,
Slumber in the grasp of peace-
For tomorrow holds the dawn.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

shadows

A lonely shadow gone-
Remorse now pervades 
The vacancy of the unsung;
Flickering heartbeats 
We often take for granted,
Until the flicker finally fades;
How we love so well
When a shadow becomes
Suddenly most unapparent...
Yet while in our workaday lives,
Many of the unnoticed 
Beg for a breadcrumb of heed...
How easily we become shadows
In world full of very busy streets.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

her touch remains

The sweetest touch 
Was mine by chance,
I've yet to find as intense 
A pleasurable feeling-
The simple, innocent grasp 
Of a hand of the woman
Who forever owns my heart,
Is locked in my sensory;
Her touch remains with me...
Mine forevermore to savor,
Like pure, sweet honey-
Only to be outdone by her 
Unforgettable persona.

 

(C) 2019 By Scott Endsley

salad days

If only I were unfledged
And the years were green,
As green as my salad days-
Would you be the dressing
To cover me with your own?
Oh, my sweet tomato,
Lettuce love for all eternity!
You are the carrot without
The needless and cruel stick.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a heart committed

Windswept emotions,
Eroded sensory of pain?
All but second nature...
You were in my grasp
But faded like a mist,
My memory torments;
I'm doomed to love you
As if I were an orphaned child...
I will, and never look back.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

fate's hand

Praise is all that my words impart 
For the one who is so gentle & kind-
Howbeit disdain is in your heart
For one who loves you so blind?
Our parting at the behest of others,
A friendship that could have been-
But fate's hand was decided by another's,
Someday they'll pay for their sin-
I love you, oh woman, with all my heart,
And I know we'll never again be friends-
Its a price that was decided from the start,
That I'll carry until all of my suffering ends.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i wish in vain

All femininity can only 
Feign to epitomize her...
Just like no other,
She defines womanhood-
These hungry eyes
Have tasted a healthy gaze,
But who am I to look 
Upon one so virtuous?
Oh woman, you are my 
Most desired impossibility!

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

beauty revisited

There was a time
When beauty was expository-
I could define a rose a rose,
And know it by no other name;
Colors were set in motion
And primarily decided upon,
The imagination lived
Between walls of limitation...
Then you entered my life
And redifined everything!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Perfection begs

I once loved a woman-
Trembled my lips
At the sight of her contours!
Perfection begged for 
Equal opportunity,
As she gracefully walked;
Even now, she is gasoline- 
And I am a fire that 
Is completely out of control.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

swallowed

I fill a space between 
Nothing and nothing...
What is my purpose?
Am I to blame for 
The island I've become,
Or has the sea 
Swallowed all I once knew?

 

   (C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the meat of the matter

One of my favorite old groups is Canned Heat. Not too long back, I was about & wearing one of their tshirts; the lettering on it isn't so plain. Some college kid at a coffeeshop tapped me on the shoulder, and asked me why I was wearing a tshirt that read, "Canned Meat." I thought he was kidding, so I went along with what I thought was a jest: " Yeah," I cracked, "I saw em on tour with Captain Beefheart & Meat Loaf on aisle 5 at Safeway, in the late 70s." He just flipped his hair to the side, and said, "Cool." There was a pregnant pause whose father was never determined in what seemed like forever, as the whole crowd stood silent and I must have shrunk about four feet.

i stand

Wooden tears,
They fall like bricks-
Shatter into spalling
Shards of dead emotion;
Wounded, yet bleeding 
Not as though pained...
I stand, impaled by fear,
Like a deer in headlights;
Too stupid to run away.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

finding life

Life is fleeting-
Just when you find it,
It sifts through your fingers
Just as water douses out a fire...
Cruel in its ambiguity,
Life isn't always about life:
For death is our final say,
Yet it says so much about life...
So find it if you can,
But don't bother to understand it.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

barren

Neath tresses of glory
Spoke the eyes of heaven,
A language unto their own-
Words I longed to hear
I silently begged to glean!
But I'll l never know their intent-
For as if a thief in the night
They were stolen from time,
As time is barren of her stead.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

choices

Gone but the memory 
Of sweeter days...
Bywords come to mind
Descriptive of times so dear;
Age bearing innocence,
The fruits of yesteryear...
The expense on a lifetime 
Depends on choices made:
The cost of a few memories,
Is only but a few moments.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

absence of luster

Laughing at the stars,
Darkness mocks the moon-
Enthroned in her eternal void,
She thinks of her stead 
A fiery centrifuge, dividing time 
From beginning to end;
Yet, a mere absence of luster,
She exists at the behest of light-
For that which paints the sky 
Is the luminous brush of life;
Which with each stroke,
Hastens the death of darkness.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a shared misery

A shared misery 
Between here & then,
Twas only a false hope-
A duration of time
Of things come again,
The heart can only cope;
What more, what more,
Pray tell- does misery
Have in store for me?
I can only but hope
That time is merciful,
In sharing this misery.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

mind over matter

Harness the wind,
And it will never betray-
For what you tame
Is forever your friend...
Obstacles are junctures 
Of subtle opportunity,
As what appears rooted-
Is often mind over matter...
So the wind may gust:
Take heed, and take flight!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

in the deep

What to do
With these blues?
I ain't got no
Blue suede shoes-
This hole in my soul,
Is only half of the whole;
And all hope
Is all but a ruse.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

prayers for you

May you always find a friend

When the night has robbed the day,

And the day has turned to tears-

May your tears turn to laughter

With those that will always love you,

And your life be filled with years-

May your years be to the fullest

That God can possibly give to you-

And your children lack many fears-

May your children have your heart

For that is what makes you special-

And so begins these, my prayers.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

never give up

When you've reached 
The end of your rope,
You have a choice 
To either fall to earth-
Or climb like you've 
Never climbed before...
It's easier to fall, of course;
But once you've struggled 
Back to where you started,
The fall seems pointless.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

against the flow

I am richer by far
By living in need-
And strength is found 
In a heart that bleeds;
Just as I am small,
I am greater, indeed-
While the last progresses,
the first recedes.
The order of nature
Is naturally to lead-
But I will follow,
The one who precedes.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

oftentimes

Oftentimes

I think about you...

Oftentimes

I think about you gone;

More often than not,

I think the world of you.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

what one treasures

Where the heart is,
The eyes have preceded-
Either way, gold or mire,
What one treasures, 
The heart cannot restrain;
For out of the mouth,
What seeds the heart
Flowers like a wreath-
Displayed for all to see.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

perspective on purpose

I had a heart to heart talk with a dear friend today about some personal depression I have been experiencing lately, in which I intimated that I'd just soon go home to be with Jesus. I really love this brother a lot, and am thankful I had the guts to be so candid with him, because he was just as candid with me. He told me something I never really let soak in before: "You don't have to wait to get to heaven in order to be with Jesus." It was a statement that could be interpreted however you desired, but he was right; not only did Jesus give us his Holy Spirit, but he gave us the poor, our neighbor, and the downtrodden. He said that what you do, or don't do for them, you've done unto him. He also gave us our families and friends, and he works through them as well. Today, I was with Jesus, and as a friend and brother, he gave me some very uplifting advice.

chasing happiness

People often say you can choose to be happy. This is a positive attitude, but it is not always the case. Happiness comes from the word happenstance, which infers that if goodness falls on you by happenstance you will naturally be happy. But sometimes happenstance brings the worst of times. If our emotions are guided by what "happens" to us, we will not always be happy. If you're chasing happiness, you are chasing an elusive butterfly. Joy and contentment, on the other hand, are possible in ALL situations. They are existential from, and independent of all happenstance. Sure it's healthy to be happy, just not all of the time.

From life to life

Where the roaring river ends,
The mouth of tranquility's sea
Pulls us into her tide-
There this world is but a dream;
The worst of pain and fear-
Are forever remembered 
As forgotten, oblivion's death
Is the birth of life's resurrection;
Life to life has come full circle...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

everyday

Everyday, I live for her footsteps 
To walk up to me again;
Just that, is worth everything-
You can have gold and silver,
Give me her sweet hand
Closing this void in my heart...
Give me her reassuring smile,
And you may have all that I own;
This is what I live for everyday,
The return of my sweetest friend.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

 

why goodbye?

Why goodbye?

So much began to make sense,

Goodbye never did...

But you know better than I,

You had your reasons;

I have all respect for them...

I let go everyday

And still I am holding fast-

Why goodbye?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

snakes & charmers

Charlatans in general, why do faith healers do their "service" in tents, instead of hospitals? I can personally attest as a person with spina bifida, that my parents took me to plenty of fakes, such as Katherine Kuhlman, Oral Roberts and the like, hoping to get me healed. Amazingly, these phonies pass right by the truly sick, and attend to those from the crowd that 'amazingly' fully recover, do back flips, and run down the aisle, while the crowd goes gaga! Then they pass the bucket, and sing "How Great Thou Art." The crippled child is told, "Come back again, and this time have more faith." I've received God given authentic healing throughout my life, with the help of medical science. Luke, one of the 12, was a physician, by the way, and thank God for giving them to us. These so called faith healers are wolves in sheep's clothing, and are responsible for giving people false hopes, and possibly endangering their lives by encouraging people to shy away from God given medications, while building mansions on earth for themselves. We need a lot more Billy Graham's, and a hell of a lot less crooks like Benny Hinn.

 

ruthless ogre

A sedated-like flight of time passes 
As suffering slowly rules the heart;
Who is this ruthless ogre
That's enthroned so pompously?
Pain that flaunts with arrogance-
Pain that laughs at the thought
Of my own choosing to snuff it out!
My enemy knows me better than that;
Instead, I choose to befriend it,
And like a fool, gloat in it...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

kingdoms of compatibility in conflict

The heart, smaller than the brain, is at the helm of all decisiveness. The brain claims superiority, while the heart often outwits it; yet the brain has one advantage: it knows better than to fall in love... and if mankind had only a brain, there would neither be anymore need for war- for there would be no safe harbor for hatred, such as the heart. Deceitful above all things, yet, through it, all things are possible. The brain, however, fathoms the heart as useless, and thinks its self the procurer of all of life's matters. In matters of love, it looks at the practical. And true, it is in the heart where the seed of war is planted; but without the brain, how is the battle won without the sophistication of weaponry, the brain's greatest accomplishment in mankind's quest for power? So in unison, the heart & brain are the catalysts for both good & evil. One cannot work without the other, even though they are in constant conflict.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

congruent incongruity

Broken lines

Between the dark & light,

No distance between the two-

Trying to swim upstream

In a river of complete confusion;

Buying time from the broker

Of life, who advises me to:

"Bury your dead alive,

So that they suffer in peace-

It's the time of the signs,

May they become more

Obvious to you posthumously."

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

painful to the touch

Sometimes it hurts
To touch the truth,
It knows just where to bite...
It's like an honest face
While seeing lying eyes:
With an ambivalent appetite,
You're left with answers
That the heart denies...
Yet the truth's in plain sight.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

silent bullets

Silent bullets are shot
In the darkest of night,
When no one suspects 
From whom or where;

They're shot at random,
With no particular aim-
Without much precision,
And without much care...

Stop and just listen
To all of the bloodshed-
You can act disgusted,
You can shake your head;

But where it came from,
You'll get no information-
Cause everyone's guilty
Of character assassination.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

lip service

I once had a deep thought...
And it didnt' last very long-
But a whim, it was not,
That, either right or wrong,
People will lip to the end
For the things they defend,
Yet when it comes to dyin
For the things there a cryin-
They'd rather watch TV;
Its apathy in the first degree...
Hollywood decides elections,
The blue pill, our erections...
Our priorities lack any direction;
But it was only just a thought,
A revolutionary, I am not-
Lip service, I'm afraid,
Is all from me that you got.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

poetic gibberish

Poetic gibberish 
Buys you raised brows-
Similes & metaphors 
Opens doors to the heart;
Meaning is meaningless,
Lest it becomes obviously
Not worth a goosebump!
So use that purple prose
To the hilt, hold your nose-
And be sure to be pretentious...
For poetic gibberish is king-
Especially after you're dead.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

blind man's bluff

The fields of fears

I've left to tread,

Alas, the winds

Hit heavy & cold-

 

Home is a distant

Hope that awaits,

Should I find it soon,

Before I am old-

 

No direction amidst

The lost & found-

Happenstance finds

Your streets of gold-

 

It's all a simple game

Of blind man's bluff,

The loser goes home,

As all play on, I'm told.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the missing piece

When I can no longer
Remember you,
Time has ceased to be-
You cut deep into my soul
And left your shadow;
Whether or not you meant
The kindness you gave,
I took it to my very heart
Where it still resides-
How I wish you had
Been part of the package.

  (C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

no such fool

Show me such a fool-
Too stupid to die,
He perseveres...
The wind at his face
And he never winces,
He learns to glide;
What kind of fool
Would keep getting 
Kicked like a can,
Yet bottle his anger?
No one is that foolish!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

what i'd give to be with you

When I see you,
I don't know what to feel-
My heart gets caught up
In a moment of elated death;
If I only knew your mind...
Are we the slightest friends,
Or am I despised beyond hope?
God, I've loved you
Since the first day we met!
Still, I keep a distance,
Because I DO love you.

 (C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

necessity

Sometimes a rose will grow faster

In a pile of dung than in plain soil,

Necessity doesn’t always look pretty-

Yet, what’s necessary is for our good;

For what does it profit to buy happiness

At the cost of our having earned it?

A rose grown in dung is vile and dirty,

Until cut, cleaned, and displayed;

Then it is something to really behold!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

the voice of your heart

Though the embrace of loneliness

Is all that's left of you-

In the short time of knowing

A smile so accepting,

Your eyes were sewn into me;

Forever tattooed in my mind...

I knew the voice of your heart,

For it spoke loudly through them:

The friends we never became

Has never parted our souls.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

naked & cold

I will always love you

No matter what-

But I can't face you anymore..

I have spoken too boldly,

And put a wedge between us;

My innermost is outward

And I am naked and cold-

It's a wonder you didn't

Run away from me, faster

Than you did...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

belated sadness

Saying goodbye

To the already gone,

Is like a soliloquy

Of belated sadness-

Nobody there but

The mocking silence;

A river that begs to flow...

Separated, amputated,

And eliminated,

As if a cancered limb-

A friend no more,

It's as easy as that;

Yet all is well within me,

Not that it really matters.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

letters never sent

Letters never sent,

I finally threw away-

The swill received them

Most ever graciously;

Yet, verbatim I know

Each & every syllable-

Nuances meant to

Mystify your heart,

And verbosity that

Simply got in the way;

Candor is my failing...

For these reasons, they

Were letters never sent.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

rightiousness

Choose your enemies well,
For they will feed your cause-
Cut them down to size
And stand above their shoulders;
Righteous anger? A sword 
Predetermined, and whetted often...
Yes, choose your enemies well-
But in Christ, love them instead;
For what is a cause worth,
If it doesn't first start in your heart.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a matter of trust

Things get broken
Easier than they're made-
One mistake can destroy
What took years to employ;
It's simply a matter of trust,
Handle your own with care-
The one's you love are fragile,
And second chances are rare.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

neglected castles

When I reflect on things
That used to matter,
I realize how fickle the 
Whole of permanence;
The once immediate,
Has now become trivial...
And just as yesterday's shore
Is swept by tomorrow's tide,
At last, neglected castles
Slowly turn back into sand.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

fishers of men

I found my heart on a string, today-
I gave it one hellava yank,
But I pulled in every conceivable 
Swindler from outta the lake!
Twas then I realized they were fishing,
And I was the suckermouth...
Recognizing I'd been taken, I created 
Such a stir, that they broke for lunch,
And they threw ME back in the lake...
Confused, I yelled for help,
And a politician happened to walk by-
He pulled me from the swamp,
Whopped me on the back, 
And offered me a thousand dollar plate;
I explained I was broke...
And so HE tossed me in the lake as well!
Wondering why I got outta bed this morning,
I prayed my heart out for God's mercy-
And lo & behold, a man walked on the water
Right up to me, & carried me ashore...
He told me about wolves in sheep's clothing,
And then he disappeared on the lakes horizon...
So here I sit, albeit dry, thinking about
Going to the Casino, to shoot some craps....
At least everyone there has wool over their eyes.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

this poem

Some poems are good,
Some not so much-
This poem don't aspire 
To be anything at all;
So clever wording,
You'll find it not-
What ya get, is what ya got.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

used shoes

Used shoes for sale:

Not just at any price-

No, these soles have

Been through hell!

That hole on the side

Took years to earn-

This arch knows the

Many miles endured,

Than I can recollect;

So, if you want 'em,

Put your best boot

Forward, and try 'em

On for size...

But you're gonna

Have to foot the bill:

And I mean head to toe!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

a-knee-briated

Time friends new days

With new challenges-

Once again, the surgeons

Knife finds its way into my life;

A knee replaced, to be re-replaced,

And infection, to top it off...

I haven't a leg to stand on!

Okay, I'll knock it off...

It's just another life assignment,

Perhaps they will as well

Throw in a rear end alignment;

But I'll stop this silly rhyme,

Please do take a little time-

Pray that my knees aren't

Done in total misalignment.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

the beginning of his road

The road less traveled 
Is the one I must climb-
I will not regress again...
My life, His to determine,
I fear not what man will do;
For I trust that all things
Work for my good...
And that He will guide
My heart, towards kindness.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the end of my road

I choose to follow you,

There is no other choice-

I can't depend on myself,

And there's no one else

Who really cares at all;

I'll follow you no matter

The cost, for nothing

Else is worth saving...

Jesus, I die in you,

So that I might have life.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

the city on the hill

Facing a skyline of a thousand dreams, architecture stands godlike in the distance- where no one knows a soul; yet, the rain falls on both the good and evil, alike... and the night burns neon, as billboards Boast of a better life for tomorrow's patrons. Sleep on, oh ye unaware, for in the morning, the Sun shall rise anew, and your city will mourn! The downtrodden will come unto their own, and your fat will fuel the fire consuming your riches.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

to love from a distance

There are those
Who, no matter what,
Will never let down walls-
You try to climb them,
And they all but burn
Themselves down-
Just to keep you out;
God love them,
For it is themselves
That they are hurting-
And they need love
As never shown them.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

somewhere

In the darkest of the dark,

I've seen the depths of despair-

When I couldn't see my way out,

Yet I knew the light was there;

 

Somewhere there's a reason

For all of this pain endured-

Somewhere there's an answer,

And all of the symptoms cured;

 

Indeed, I'm not the only one,

Who's had a heavy burden to bear-

We've all just to look up on high,

And know we're heard somewhere.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

she, like the sea

The woman I love,
She, like the sea
Moves my heart,
As though a tempest
Swiftly approaches-
No other can 
Steer my ship of desire...
Her heart is my port;
There my love for her
Awaits safe harbor,
To be one with
Her sweet soul.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

how ugly do ya wanna be?

Everybody looks ugly
When they cry,
Especially to themselves-
Mouths gaping open,
Eyes squinting to see the 
Pain inside, feigning to escape;
Yet some look like buffoons
When laughter creeps in,
And we soon forget our tears;
Yet, still gaping our gawd awful,
Bellowing orifice of emotions-
In exchange for a healthy guffaw:
Instead of a cesspool of woe.

(C) 2019 By Scott Endsjey

time never spent

When I think of time

We could have spent,

Time becomes loose change

That bought us nothing-

Saved for a rainy day

That was to never come;

For just an hour

Of that time, just to

Gaze into your sweet eyes…

I’d give all that I have.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

my day off

I'm taking a day off
From the pain-
Nope, not gonna think
About it at all...
The fact that I don't matter,
Doesn't matter today;
These tears, why there
Just sleep in my eyes-
Yes, I've slept all day...
Cause I'm taking a day off
From the pain.

scared rabbit

Running from the years
Catching up with me,
Not a minutes rest to spare-
Youth fled like a scared rabbit;
But I'm not as old, as I'm gonna be!
Life isn't meant for the leery,
Boldly face your waning days-
"Better to thrust ahead, than dead,"
To quote a very morbid phrase...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

waiting

Your heart is my compass,
I've lived for nothing less-
But I'll never chase  
Who I love beyond words;
I'll wait, no matter how long,
For that day we are friends...
If that day should never come,
Every beat of my heart
Was not in vain, for it had purpose.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

frayed ends

Trying to save the unsavable,

Like many times in my life

I’ve come to the frayed ends-

I’ve destroyed all that’s beautiful;

This heart that has loved you so much,

Is guilty of much self-gratification…

I’ve lost everything as swiftly

As It was all freely given to me,

I have no one to blame but myself…

Forgiveness is not expected.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

 

 

my irish blessing

You said you might be part Irish-
If luck had only passed my way;
You knew that I loved you,
I could read it in your eyes...
The name your father gave you
Are the two sweetest syllables 
I've yet to ever hear, sweet lady;
They are my constant mantra
When I think of all that love is.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

Posthumous Associates degree

I am a body donor-

Someday, when I kick the bucket,

I will reside at OU Medical College

For the next two years… Go Sooners!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i hope i'll have a leg left to stand on.

After having to learn to walk again after 11 months of physical therapy, two years ago- if find myself at God's mercy, once again. Tomorrow I go to Oklahoma City to see my orthopedic doctor, after extensive testing, to determine when I will, more than likely, have the surgery redone. At least I know now there is some kind of remedy to all of the severe pain and swelling, and finally, the quality of my life. This will be my 28th surgery in life, and its become quite a normal thing to me. I'm asking for your prayers, and thank you.

 

the constant battle

Brave eyes

Look back at me;

Novel disgust

Is all I can feel-

For I’m not the man

I thought I was yesterday…

And yesterday,

I became a better person

Than I was the previous day.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

redundant words

Too many words,

To the point of redundancy,

Yet nary have I said a thing-

Too much pain on my plate,

And I don't know where to dump it...

To be comforted in the shelter

Of love's sweet, loving breast,

I would suffer to the end;

But no reprieve do I know...

So, redundant words are

My only sanctuary.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Fortunate is he

Lost in her face

As I remember it to be,

A child in a woman’s gaze;

A gaze that shattered

All stamina in my being…

I will never forget her;

Fortunate is he

Whom whoever she loves,

For he now holds

The very treasure of my life.

 (C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

 

facing up to the odds

Wearing the face

Of a thousand dreams,

And not one of them

Facing up to the odds-

Still I dare to believe

In every one of them;

It’s gonna take every

Ounce of who I am,

And who I Am not

Is one who gives up

On the odds I face.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

useless drops of hopelessness

A gaping hole

Left by one who never cared-

I find myself hiding inside of it;

Warm & wishful is its tenor-

How my heart loved this woman;

But tears are useless drops  

Of hopelessness, born from out of

Eyes that refuse to see truth…

She will never love me;

Her, I will never know how to not.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

Self serving love

When you are lonely inside,
You can mistake kindness
For absolute adulation...
You will imagine yourself 
Making that person happy,
Inevitably making them miserable;
Sensing you've done wrong,
You overcompensate,
To mend what was never anything...
I am learning not to need.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

as long as

The Sun never sets on the future-
As long as there is another day,
There is always hope for a change...
What is dark and looming today
May lift like a fog of desperation,
And bring instead, a destination;
Tomorrow's yesterday, in hindsight,
Will soon appear distantly passed,
As long as there is a morning Sun.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the bitter end

Untitled pain

I cannot name-

A beast that I only know;

You can't tame him,

He demands recompense!

But none can be given,

So he punishes me instead...

A beast of many heads,

And yet, a benevolent

Nature about his cruelty;

But I and I must one day

Fight to the bitter end,

To stop all this suffering.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

the sprouting of a mustard seed

Great faith
Is not measured 
In moving the mountain-
It's determined,
Instead, by whom
You trusted blindly
In your helplessness;
By doing so,
You let go of your
Inadequacies,
And grasped onto 
He who can infinitely 
Work through you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

with the sun in our eyes

The sky,
She covers us like a mother hen-
For without her pinions 
We are like fish out of water;
Disregarded, she is easily angered,
And catches our attention
Like a cat chases fleeing mice...
But once appeased, she is calm;
And again, warms us with her down.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the heart now sleeps

While the heart now sleeps,
All the world remains at play-
Eyes sewn shut, blind to all,
I see not the approaching years;
Ears closed, I hear only whispers
Of my own chosen memories...
For I cannot face where I am at:
The very distance between 
Yesterday's pain, & tomorrow's fear.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Off of his rocker

Grampa got a knee replacement, 
Now he's off his rocker...
He's chasin grandma round the house,
And kicks the spaniel cocker.

Since he's seen that Orthopediatrician
Life is just simply not the same;
Grampa's inhibitions were all in check
When he was subdued, and safely lame.

He left this morning to the doc with a grin,
He's gonna get some of that there Cialis,
Meanwhile, grandmas packing fast & light,
And headin like hell, for Dallas!

a fool's fool

Once naked,
A fool is what he is-
No cloak of dignity 
To adorn his bare 
Inadequacies...
I, the obvious fool,
Unabashedly 
Confess my frailty-
I am no rock,
For rocks erode;
I am instead
The grass of summer
That dies in the cold-
Yet forever endures
Seasonal challenges;
Yes, a fool's fool-
I dare to reemerge.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

if the sky should fall

Barricades of terror surround unlocked doors-

No guards, yet a prisoner nevertheless,

My worst enemies may, or may not exist;

A trip to town takes an outright act of Xanax!

It’s not a whimsical question of if the sky should fall,

But will I literally survive until I get back home?

No one can relate, and they tell me to face my fear…

They mean well, but it’s not just jumping in cold water;

The heart palpitates, you suffocate, until it nauseates:

If the sky should finally someday fall,

What a relief that might be.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

reality speaks

Reality speaks in a language I know well, she doesn't hold anything back. Everyday, she whispers all that my heart lacks. I cannot cry enough tears. I've never known love, as love is told; lovers, I've had many. Yet, I have loved deeply, and been deeply wounded. My body burns to be held like a loving woman's child. To rest in the bosom of the impossible. Sex for its own sake is so lonely, I desire to be part of someone's soul. But Reality argues that that's not the world we live in anymore. Self gratification is the mantra for most; I live for the gratification of the woman of my dreams. Reality reminds me that I may never know that love, but I'm not satisfied with less. Like many people, Reality tells me I'll likely live out my life, unsatisfied. Maybe I'm not listening closely enough to Reality; perhaps all that I desire is exactly as said, "the woman of my dreams."

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

cracks

Tomorrow shines the same old Sun,
Piercing through the cracks in our lives-
We think we can hide our true colors
Whether intentions are good or bad,
And it's true some are colorblind;
Yet who we are, sifts from out of the soul,
And through the heart, and out of the mouth;
Time will find us out as sure as we live...
Choose your colors well.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

never a regret

At times I wonder if you remember me-

Was I any kind of significance at all?

Your voice, I do not recall,

But your essence sticks to the bottom of my heart;

I knew you for all of a month,

Yet for two years now, you’re all I think about…

When you walked away,

I Never dreamed the pain would never subside;

But I don’t regret ever giving you my heart,

To do with as you will...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

What if...

I missed my calling. Decades ago, a friend & I decided to start a polka-punk band, complete with accordions, called, "Orville Otis und der Honkerflappers." But it never came to fruition. Imagine if we had been bigger than The Beatles. Why, Lawrence Welk would have emerged as a hero with the young, just like Johnny Cash. Well, I suppose there is a divine reason for everything, especially sometimes unsuccess. Its okay to dream however, but had success come, who knows what nightmares might have entailed: fame might've ruined us. We could have all sued each other, and broke up, while Orville ran off with a Ukrainian throat singer named, Yoyo. Yes, I missed my calling, but at least fame and fortune didn't stain me. Thank you, God, for looking out for my best interest.

Modern day parable

Some will rob you blind,

Others see exactly what they’re after-

Sad to say, you have to be vigilant

While juggling to be charitable;

Wolves and serpents target benevolence,

And rape the kindhearted-

But one must learn to turn the other cheek,

And just break wind in the face of such charlatans;

Jesus might’ve said it different, however.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

Don't pass up the journey

If you're busy chasing your dreams

You will never catch them,

Learn to live them now;

You only have today to breathe,

Tomorrow is never guaranteed...

Enjoy what you do, while you do it,

And don't confuse success with fame.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

What's in a name?

Deep in the hills of Texhoma, resides the small town of Chickenshit, Texas. A proud community of hard workin families, and a people indicative of all Americana. People there respect their elected officials; when spotted on the street, folks reverently take off their hats, place them over their hearts, and salute, "Yep, there goes our Chickenshit mayor!" Every year, "The International Chickenshit-house of Pancakes," sponsors the Chickenshitter's community parade. Some of the more notable Chickenshits sit atop of floats, and throw goodies to the crowd. Chickenshit is an HOA community, and not just anybody can live there. You have to have done something valorous to live in Chickenshit. But the folks are friendly and encourage tourism. So some Sunday after church, and there ain't nothin else to do, take the wife and kids, and drop into Chickenshit; and maybe do some fishin for crappie!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

I'm always there

Turn around,

Even when no one's there-

In the stillness of your mind

My thoughts are with you;

For wherever you hide your heart,

You'll find me standing watch...

I will always keep you

Safe within a constant prayer.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

shimmy your own shuffle

When you've danced your heart out
And the world remains indifferent,
Realize you're not the first to dance...
While some dance better than others,
Others will just sit this one out;
Whether you dance in a group,
Or to a step no one else can follow-
Be glad you were bold enough
To shake your stuff before the world,
Regardless of how it was recieved.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

only through grace

When aiming high,
Its easier to fall-
The closer to the light,
The more often we burn;
Why bother to progress?
Only through grace
Can all things become new-
For only then,
That's when God's hand safely
Steers the heart through
The raging battle...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

strengthening one another

Only the strong survive,
Or so we're led to believe-
But only in weakness 
Can one love with purpose;
While the strong harden,
The vulnerable never break-
Never afraid to love boldly...
For one must become less,
In order that which is loved 
To become so much greater.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

You say it's your birthday?

Did you know that the song, "Happy Birthday," is not public domain, but actually copywritten, and published by Warner/Chapelle music company. Which means that if you sing it publicly, you have to pay royalties. For this reason, anytime you went to Applebees, Red Lobster, or any other restaurant, and it was your birthday, they sang that ridiculous alternative ditty, that goes something like:

Happy, happy birthday,
We're glad you came today-
Happy, happy birthday,
But don't forget to pay!

So the next time you sing "Happy Birthday" at little Johnny's party, don't say you weren't warned if BMI or ASCAP knocks on the door, and wants their piece of the cake...

pain's answer

Somewhere there's an answer
To all of life's pains...
It won't be found in people,
For they are just as pained-
It won't be found in money,
For money is never enough;
Pain's answer lies in acknowledging 
The reality of hardships,
And accepting their challenges 
As a means to better yourself.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

at peace

Nothing can hurt me now-
Illusions of pain & sorrow
Are yesterday's dust & grime;
Detached, almost free of life,
I am most certainly at peace 
And only have one foe- myself...
Strike me down in anger,
Your bitter blow is well taken;
Put it among my own, and we 
Will have an understanding.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

when the party's over

What now,

Now that the party’s over?

For fifteen minutes of wealth,

I had a name, I had friends…

But the cock crowed thrice

Once the plug was pulled;

I don’t wish money on anyone...

Blessed are the poor and naked

Who are loved unmerited.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Three & a half minutes with you again

I found you in a song,

You were never meant to be there-

But as it unfolded, you etched

Your face all over my heart…

Cruel though it was,

I found myself coloring in your eyes;

The want to lose myself in your hair

Was my fingers’ greatest wish…

Knowing I’ll never see you again

Was just as sad as the song itself.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Merciful threshold

I don’t really wanna live long,

Isolation offers so little to be prized-

Friends are gone; like seaweed washed ashore,

The blue expanse vomits up the expendable!

Merciful sea of grief, you’re so misunderstood-

A threshold to a much better place…

I am not afraid to go.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

desire

I found the stars

Once satisfied with the moon,

Treasure lies in the quest of hoping-

The hunt is half the reward…

To seek what you truly desire

Is every man’s written design-

But once you’ve reached the stars

The moon no longer lures,

And heaven is all that you want.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

if darwin is correct

How do fools survive,

If Darwin is correct?

It surely must be luck,

And not by intellect!

Survival of the fittest,

That’s the rule of thumb;

But how do you explain

Especially the dumb?

A man eating lion

Is not impossible, you see-

For man is atop of the food chain,

That must be the key!

So, Darwin wasn’t so stupid,

Yes, he made a monkey of us all-

And some fools are smarter than monkeys…

As you see, this tale is tall.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

 

 

i need you so

In a perfect world

I would’ve shown you that I love you-

I would have let

My self-protective guard down-

I would have thought more

About you than myself;

Oh, my sweet friend, I need you so!

Your life surely goes on,

While mine revolves around

A time so sweet, so long ago-

When you brightened my darkest day.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

nowhere else to go

All roads lead to nowhere,
With places in between-
We think we've arrived,
When there are miles & miles
Of nowhere more to go;
Will we ever find a destination,
Or will it just finally find us?
Either way, it's just the beginning 
Of everywhere in between...
So go your own merry way,
And may you find a final peace
Somewhere in between here,
And nowhere else to go.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

losing what's not mine

When it's gone,
No one can steal it anymore-
When you never had it,
It's like the world is missing;
Torn between the two,
I don't know what to feel...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i know my place

I sit in my room

Collecting the years of discontent-

I’m a fixture, like antiquated décor…

I Rearrange my loneliness

From time to time, it scatters the dust;

And then all things become new…

I sit in my room

Making plans for days never to come

For when I’ll have nowhere else to go;

While the world wanders in search of home.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

A captive heart

Heart of stone

Shattered into petty dust-

I’m ever so easy to break…

But, who fell asleep

When her sweet eyes turned the key?

Guarded though I was,

Now a prisoner in her absence:

Slave either way,

I’ll die, never knowing her love…

Only certain I can’t live without it.  

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

You may call it lust, if you wish

Higher than the sky,

The tears that I cry-

What more can be sucked away?

Stark naked in physical touch…

Starving for a warm hand to hold

These cold and hungry fingers;

Useless arms beg to caress

Loves bare flesh with a purpose-

Oh, to be loved, as to love

One who burns with pleasure.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

waiting to die

I’ll never outlive

The ghosts in people’s minds-

Dig it deep, that my stench

Won’t stop up their nostrils!

Heaven forbid that my parade

Rains on all their clouded thoughts;

There’s nothing left in here

To put up a fight…

As they steal the pennies from my eyes.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a sad slumber

Words I will never hear

From the one I held so dear,

They echo in my imagination-

Contentment is the jester

That prods my broken heart,

He laughs at the joke I’ve become:

A man who loved with vigor

The woman of his dreams-

And slept as she walked away.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

driftwood

Broken shells along the sea,
Time friends the rushing tide-
Words can't change entirely
What was left inside to die...
Picking up pieces of driftwood,
That the heart has misplaced-
And looking back on the years
Of such lonely tears, outpaced

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

His Habitual Grace

I was listening to a sermon on the radio the other morning in which the speaker inferred that the litmus test to whether one is saved, was if the believer was not a "habitual" sinner. I don't know what version of the Bible he was referencing, but all the ones I'm familiar with clearly underscores the depravity of the human condition. Even the Apostle Paul admitted that which he hated, he would do. Yes, "Saint" Paul was a sinner just like anyone. For heaven sake, why did Christ die on the cross if we had the capacity to not continue to sin? Sure, in good conscience, you should do your best, to be your best; but face it: we are all habitual sinners. We commit sin everyday, whether we realize it or not. The only true litmus test for salvation is whether or not you believe, and accept Christ's forgiveness. Yes, you must repent, but repentance means to change your attitude. No one but Jesus can change your heart. Salvation is a daily walk, not a one and done thing. So, to the believer, don't be discouraged if you are struggling with sin; realize that Christ is constantly cleansing you, and will do so until the day of your redemption.

missing faces

Somewhere in between
Here and gone forever,
Limbo sings of its uncertainty-
I listen to her sad song
Almost comforted by a hope;
Alluring though it may be,
I'm mindful of the faces
Of those that came and went...
Between here and gone forever.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

taken

Life is full of secure cellophane,
But look through its flattery cloak;
You're wrapped in swaddling rags,
Richly praised, and merely broke.

Cajolery, the silver tongued elixir,
It bears the taste of sweet dignity;
And once it is swallowed blindly,
It goes down smooth, most cleverly.

But reality bites like a very angry dog,
Once you realize you've been taken-
Bitterness is a dull blade self inflicted,
Yet fools often thirst, unforsaken.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

home

Home
Is that elusive belonging
Some mistakenly believe 
Is built into a fortress;
Others, found in people...
But home is never a home
Unless it provides for the heart,
And not just hungry mouths.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

everyone loves the dead

Few will laud your living legacy-
Yet some may bleed for your needs
While others won't care to notice at all;
Dogs eat dogs in a cat fight world-
It's just the nature of the beast,
Humanity knows no tune but self regard;
But when they lay you down in the ground-
Friend & foe alike will sing your praises
As if they knew the chorus all along.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

absurd love

I don't trust a soul,
I can't even trust myself-
A curse cast upon virtue;
Verity hath purged my 
opened eyes, and sighed...
Discontentment, the only
Covering of all my shame,
I've only on mercy to cling!
So what kind of love is this
That dies, so that I may live?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

homesick

The world is too big 
For the both of us,
One of us has got to go-
You are no friend of mine...
I ask for an egg
And you give me a snake!
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
You take give & take away
Like a stingy, little child;
Mother Earth, you've stolen
The near and dear to me-
May Heaven rebuke you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

reconciliation

Beyond the crossroads,
Where it's too late to turn-
It's just a one way street;
There is no going back...
All you can do is keep going,
You must go that extra mile-
If you wanna make up for
Mistakes in people's minds...
But where does its end begin?
When there is nowhere else
To go, but where you are at.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

peacekeeper

One suffers for maturity-
For the mark of an achiever
Is always made in stride,
Character is determined 
By fortitude in the fight;
A dog that's been kicked
Will either run, or bite you!
Yet, one who endures insult,
Is a dam that stills the torrent.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

roadkill

Love has fled,
I do not know its fervor-
A bird that once soared free
Has come to roost inwardly,
As buzzards pick at the heart.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

empty spaces

Empty spaces
Where friends once stood-
Some taken by mortality,
Others gone by choice;
The world is filled with spaces,
Some bigger than others-
What to do with all of them,
I can't ever fill them again?
Not with the same amount!
People will come and go
And create even more space;
I guess the logical thing to do
Is quit worrying about mine,
And help take up someone else's.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

time takes time

Some worship yesterday 
Like tomorrow's never coming,
They can't let go of the past-
I find myself among them;
When tomorrow does come,
Not satisfied, we look to today
And relive to remedy mistakes
Tomorrow soon takes care of...
But blindsided by anxiousness,
We step inside the shoes of time
Instead of letting time pace itself.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

runaway train

Time running down-
Miles ahead of nowhere
And nowhere else to go,
Futilely finds itself useful;
Hold on, and you drown...
Surrender to the tide
And life will find you-
Arise, oh deadman,
Your shadow wanders
Like a runaway train
In search for itself;
Found, yet inwardly lost.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

radical love

A diadem of death
Pressed upon the Crown of Life,
Limbs impaled, raw red meat-
Pain unimaginable,
Yet endured with a radical love;
Blood spilled like communion
Wine that we take for granted!
Incomprehensible,
To forgive your murderers
Then offer them eternal life...
"This man truly was the Son of God."

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

false god

Two eyes, my own-
They see, yet they project 
Only a fraction of the truth;
For I am naked inside,
Yet inside you cannot go...
A clean, pristine cup outside
Filled with treasured sewage, 
I am mankind at his best-
The pinnacle of pride
That bears witness to himself;
Who can condemn me?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

sweet uncertainty

Staying in one place 
Is merely an illusion-
For sure as sand
Slips through one's 
Tightly held fist,
Perpetuity is elusive...
Though a trusted friend,
Life has your number-
Its only offered comfort
Is its sweet uncertainty;
Old seasons pass on
And are easily forgotten,
While the here & now
Try to fool themselves,
By staying in one place.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Another road to travel

It's been 2 years since they literally detached my left leg, and put it back together again. You would think it would be totally healed by now, but it hurts constantly, swells regularly, and somedays, its a challenge to walk. Still, I dont take any pain meds, I've learned to deal with it. Reality is slowly sinking in, however, at almost 61, I'll probably be in a wheelchair in less than a decade or so. Life never promises you anything, you just except your lot, and trust that God knows best. I give glory to God that I'm exceedingly blessed as a handicapped person, and without him, I would never have been able to walk at all. I've never felt sorry for myself (my wife might beg to differ), and have always tried to go the extra mile to prove myself; but I find myself now at God's mercy, and that's probably where I need to be for my spiritual growth. I finally find myself at a point of helplessness. But I am not going to get depressed about it, it's just another road to walk (to use a pun). All of us are slowing down with age, some faster than others; some reading this are in worse shape than myself... I pray that God gives you peace and endurance, and the knowledge that despite everything, he is in control.

The Grace Of Grace

It's a little known historical fact the protestant reformer, Martin Luther suffered from chronic constipation, yet did most of his best writing on the privy. Luther, the proponent of pure grace demonstrated that God can still use a person, even if he IS full of crap. He drank consistently, and was ill tempered. Many of the hymns we sing in church today that he "composed," were actually tunes barrowed from beer halls of his day. But without his input, we would still be captive to the idea that sainthood was performance driven, and not dependent totally on what Christ had done for us alone. Remember, in the old testament, God used a donkey to speak a rebuke. If God can use a donkey, surely he can use any horses ass for His purposes.

oops...

When they brought the prostitute before Jesus, demanding that she be stoned, he sighed and said, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone," and began writing in the dirt. Now, I propose that what he said alone was not enough to make them turn away. I think he reiterated his point when he wrote in the sand, the names of, and the times and dates, when each one of them patronized her profession. Just a thought...

lost ships

When the pain is all you have

From a very beautiful memory,

You jealously harbor it like a once lost ship-

Stolen moments from otherwise peaceful

Waters, are snippets of ambivalent joy

That the heart truly lives to die for;

For when we love, we often give up

Happiness, in exchange for a misery

That exceeds all possible joy.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

fear of fears

Finally standing still,
There's nowhere else to run-
Here I am, fear of fears,
Do with me as you will!
Oh, I know you so well-
I've heard your song of thunder;
I've danced to it many times,
But it's never seemed to rain-
So unless there comes a flood,
You cannot harm me...
If I don't fear you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

nowhere home

Nowhere home
In the places dwelled,
Stones cast upon each door;
Words of the heart
Are as useful as postcards 
Kindly saying goodbye,
Yet leaving no return address-
Nowhere home
In the heart of hearts,
The stone that rolled is lodged;
Roadmaps to the heart
Are a dime for a dozen,
When told that you belong
But yet, you know not where.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsle

a fist full of water

Running nowhere fast
My heart is slow to beat,
Like a drum without a cadence-
Yet you can't start a raging fire
With a fist full of water;
Some things require passion...
Or flickers will fade into the sky,
And all hope, but a question "why?"
The dust of time will gather slow,
As the moths of morrow will flutter by.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

wanting out

Behind this familiar face
Stands the anything but familiar,
The antithesis of who you may know-
Someone inside me, wanting out!
Though you know him not,
You are very well acquainted;
The person you notice the least
Is exactly like the one inside of you-
A child wandering through years
Of toil & tears, wanting out...
Though there's not a door to be opened
That he will see the light of day,
For laughter is his mighty fortress-
And inside, he knows he must stay.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

congratulations

I have a very good friend that lives in London named, Rashid. He is a musician/songwriter, and his band, Project Leavesden, has recently signed onto the Organic Records label. I've known Rashid for 18 years now after he stumbled onto my website, and contacted me. I am honored by him recently telling me that he initially became inspired to write music and lyrics, after reading the lyrics to some of my songs. I am truly proud of him, and am letting you all know his first album will be released on May 11th, and available on iTunes, Amazon, Google, and everywhere else.

mine own enemy

In all of my failings in life, I have learned that God does not expect perfection, but a diligently, contrite heart, and the willingness to start anew. Where I fail, his grace is sufficient. Where I am weak, if I seek him, He is strong in me. I tend to get caught up in legalism and beat myself up, and forget the price he paid for my mistakes. This only exacerbates the problem, by making me too ashamed to come to God for forgiveness, and prolongs the period of separation from the full realization of his grace. Sometimes the enemy is more your own flesh and blood, tempered by a performance driven mindset, rather than Satan, who you know is your enemy.

????

Everyone has the answer,
Which begs a bigger question-
If the answer varies vicariously,
Why even bother to question at all?
Surely the answer is bigger
Than the questions in question,
And only silence can answer
What is questioned silently;
We absolutely don't understand
What we can't begin to know-
So how do we even know
We're sure in our un-understanding?
Any questions?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

three major religions

Contrary to modern belief, Gautama Buddha did not set out to start a religion. Son of a prestigious civil servant, he decided not to follow suit in his father's illustrious career, and chose instead to set out on a life long search for wisdom. Buddhism was not initially a theistic philosophy, yet a way to attain Nirvana, or a place of selflessness. Buddha never claimed divinity, though it is attributed to him by many devotees today. Of all the great world religions, only Jesus Christ and the Hindu lord, Krishna, themselves, claimed to be God. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna is quoted as saying, "I am the father of this universe, the mother, the grand sire, the thing to be known, the purifier. I am the Onkar and I am samved, Yajurveda and Rigveda." Christ, who singularly is historically validated to have truly existed, and had been crucified, referred to himself as God's only son, and alluded to be God in the flesh. Hinduism's main avenue to heaven is by way of reincarnation, and the working off of karma through ions of lifetimes. Christianity, though no less emphasis on righteous living, its mainstay is totally dependent on the person of Christ himself, and his life's sacrifice on behalf of the believers misgivings. In essence, grace is the crux of salvation. This seems an easy out and simplistic, but requires the believer to die to himself so that Christ may reign in him as his Lord, his King, and his God. Hinduism is totally based on the hope that throughout each reincarnation, the believer will progress, rather than regress. Why bother, Christ has done it all for you, and all you have to do is believe him like a child. Believing like a child takes courage, because it requires you to believe blindly. Faith is things not seen but hoped for. To surrender and admit you are lost, and can't depend on yourself to be saved, is to be that much closer to the reaching hand, that has been reaching for you all of your life.

a stranger i once knew

Almost effortless,
A persistent remembrance-
In the beating of my heart
You will resonate with permanence-
You will never know,
Nor fully ever grasp-
The kindness given to me
When you touched my hand but once;
Sweet child of God,
I will always love you so much-
Though life hasn't always been perfect...
You passed through, at the perfect time.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

pyromaniac

Forever dowsing out fires

These hands have sparked,

Pyromania is my nature-

When does it ever end?

I cry, with a tongue on fire,

But a heart that won't burn...

Please change its beating

To a resounding surrender!

Your grace is sufficient,

Yet I can't live like this...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

allergies

I am allergic to myself-

Whenever I get close

To my true inner being,

I am totally repulsed;

I don't have the strength

To change my heart...

Trapped in my own mind,

Life has become antithetical-

I am a very dead man!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley 

 

the hand that blinds

Seeds of promise,
Youth scattered on the soil-
Lean & green, the sheen
Of all those wasted tears...
What I'd give for an ounce
Of yesterday's trivial woes;
Naivety is a gift from God,
Though the young know
Not the hand that blinds-
As the days darken once 
Greeting the aging light,
Likewise, a strange peace 
Whiles the withering days...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Finding Freedom

Insurmountable walls

Built with the hands of fear,

Can only crumble once faced-

For only with the eyes of boldness,

One can penetrate the barriers

mounted by years of self-defeat;

Yet freedom lies not in simply

Turning a key to a door,

But the gumption to knock down

The damned walls.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

Fighting the enemy

Twice looking back,
A perspective divided-
Things I cannot change 
Have had their final say,
Yet finality is a fickle friend;
The odds may mightily roar,
Though the lion is still asleep...
And it is I that must wake him.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

forever shadowed

A shadow cast upon my heart-

Silhouetted tear drops bear

Each-and-every thought of her,

Never to be forgotten;

Sweet memories that non can take

From this cherished wound…

Love that was and is,

Will always shadow my life-

For the woman I so dearly love.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

who am i?

How many selves to choose from,

I don’t like but a minimal few-

Yet, I am who I least desire to be

Most of my working, waking hour!

I don’t know who that I am,

But I’ll be what you expect of me;

Yes, I know that person well!

He is agreeable, amiable, & insecure-

Not the guttersnipe within

Who begs to steal the show…

(C) 2019 by Sc0tt Endsley

fallen

In the absence of the one that stirs my soul

I am hopelessly withering like a fallen leaf-

Torn and tattered in the winter’s grip,

Life is not worth living any longer…

I am merely yesterday’s useless foliage

Waiting to be turned back into the dust;

Words cannot adequate the pain,

How I wish you were with me.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

empty garden

So long ago

My heart was filled with such joy-

Love came so close,

Yet crumpled as easily as a flower;

Petals of promise scattered

In the winds of fate,

Nevermore to be held or cherished…

My heart is now empty & cold

Where nothing can flower again.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

mediocrity

Mediocrity bites at my heel-
Shaded walls of limitation
Encircle my befuddled mind,
Leaving me with stale words;
Like teeth, it gnaws on nerve,
And tears at my pride...
Human, an excuse for failure-
So many times I've drank
From that forbidden cup;
But the Sun has cast its shadow
Upon the golden calf of supinity-
And I am no more a victim of ease.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

shadow wars

Awakened,
My life in fetters-
The sharp prod of truth
In my own angry hand;
My worst enemy,
My most beloved friend-
How distant the familiar,
When love becomes
A stranger to the heart.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Water boy

Fathered by sorrows

Inside a womb of pain,

All that I’ve ever loved

Have broken and forsaken me;

The heartless rule with iron

In a world set apart…

How fortunate the loved,

Their cups never go to the dregs;

For fools such as I gladly

Fill them beyond the brim.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Christmas 1964

I remember Christmas of 1964 as if it were yesterday. Having become a Beatle maniac at 5 years old after seeing them on The Ed Sullivan Show, and my parents, that summer, taking me and my brother to see, " A Hard Day's Night," at the drive in theater; I begged my parents to put pressure on the jolly old bearded guy to get them to come visit me on Christmas morning. My mom swore she'd give it her best effort. Christmas morning came and I was disappointed to discover a note taped to the television explaining that the chaps were busy on tour, but wished me well. Under the tree was a toy replica, Beatle's drumset (of course autographed by Ringo, eh hmm) which I had successfully destroyed by noon, as the heads were made of cardboard. But the best present of all was their debut album, "Meet The Beatles" which I played and played throughout the years ahead. Now here is the sad ending to my little Christmas story: Had I taken immaculate care of that album, and had I still had it to this day, it would have been worth a LOT of money. But, one day, needing some quick cash for groceries, I sold my entire vinyl Beatle collection for a mere $75, on Christmas eve of 1985. I know, I know, just let it be...

love unimaginable

Somewhere, beyond the sky,

Time has no measure…

Distant dreams are a reality,

And pain, a forgotten memory;

Love unimaginable-

Grace, a fount of plenty

For the weary soul, now refreshed;

For the one who kept you

Through every step of your life,

Is now the lover of your soul.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Thought of You

When there's nowhere else to go
I have peace in the thought of you,
Where I once found shelter...
I never fell into your loving breast,
Nor received your warm embrace-
Yet your voice touched my soul,
And reassured me that tomorrow 
Would always be there for me...
Your eyes gave me a reason 
To want to go and be there.
(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

wallowing in woes

I watch the world pass,
A world I have never won-
I fight for every fiber 
Of that which sustains me,
Yet loneliness has become
My fatal, Achilles heel;
Wallowing in woe & death,
I live to suffer to no end...
Submit to silly laughter 
Oh, vainglorious self pity-
For tears are as useless
As the need for tears.
(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

 

odd bird

My wife thinks I'm an odd bird because when I watch TV, I just 'watch' TV, and never turn the sound up. I feel I can use my imagination, and make up the dialogue as I go- in my head. When watching sports, I don't have to listen to the commentators state the redundant, and obvious conclusion, "DID YOU SEE THAT? HE CAUGHT THE BALL!" Geico commercials on the silent screen surpass in hilarity! MTV videos magically reveal just how little music really matters, as opposed to sex appeal. And as far as the news is concerned, I bypass all the opinionated commentary, and get the general gist of whats happening, without being told what to think. After all, isn't that rectangular wasted space on the wall, in fact called a TEL-A- VISION? So yes, I am an odd bird; I refuse to be a trained parrot. To think how many days of my life I've wasted on the great wateland of the mind, disgusts me. I don't mean to sound like a prude but to advise a bit of prudence. Just think how much better the world would be if we turned the boob tube off, stopped needing to be entertained, and actually lived among each other as a community, helping one another instead.

herd mentality

Those that adhere to the 'herd mentality' are faithfully following a bellwether; basically a useless, neutered goat. But that's not the sad part, the sad part is he's smarter than the sheep that are following him. There's a lot of bellwethers in this world, and they can lead you right off of a cliff. God gave you a mind to think critically, and to ask questions with. How else will you find the real truth FOR YOURSELF. There is no intermediary between you and Christ.

cruel teacher

Words can never set me free,
As I'm locked forever in your absence-
So why do I bother? I know I will never 
Be with you again, my sweetest friend-
Time is a cruel, and impatient teacher:
She expects me to buck up, & forget you
But I'm slow at unlearning that I love you.

 (C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

only now

Forgive me, Friend-

For I did not know how to love,

I only wanted to be loved;

I wish you peace & God’s love,

For His is Sufficient for you…

My heart has been corrected,

Only now, can I truly love you…

Please take care.

 

 

all my friends are dead

So here I am,

All but the curtain call-

Nothing left…

Walking the razor’s edge

Blindfolded, with a smile;

Fall into my arms

Oh, sweet oblivion…

With a kiss, I give you

All the years of wonder.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

ain't it a fine day?

Sitting on forever,

Watching my beard grow-

Time is my footstool…

Nothing but a passing thought

In my rear-view mirror;

I’m steered towards tomorrow,

But today, I’m flat broke-

Got holes in my attention

And all my interest is gone;

Ain’t it a fine day, when time

Is all you got left to stand on?

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

in that moment

Caught in the web of my mind,

I made passionate love to you

In the absence of your dissent-

The sweet taste of your longed-for lips

As your hair fell-down from heaven;

Entwined in a bed of fire,

We loved until the moon howled!

You were mine in that moment,

Then you introduced yourself.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

 

 

fishing for words

I fish so deep, but little do I reap,

Words are like catching perch without tryin-

As the big ones always get away…

When I try to write, they nibble & bite,

And then I get hung up on a line-

It’s the same old thing, everyday…

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

effortless

I’ve held you a thousand-fold

In reveries all over time given-

Would I live to know your touch?

Silence, a conclusion drawn

From a well of wishful thinking;

Love was never to be mine,

Though truth speaks kindly of you:

Loving you is just as effortless

As the hand of friendship

You never gave to me.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

bed of bitterness

Whispered softly the pangs of prime,

Bearing remembrance of burning embers-

Cold now is the heart of brokenness,

Immense, the vacuity where desire tarried;

Hollow are the eyes of the dead man

Who lives to regain his embittered soul,

And is reborn to kill any thread of hope

That is left to sew a blanket of remorse.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Reassurances

Remembering the afternoon that my mother passed from this life into eternity, a year and a half ago, there is no doubt in my mind that she left us a message when she crossed over: my wife, and my moms friend, were at her bedside when she died; as soon as her heartbeat ceased, my mother's cellphone rang her friend's phone in the room. Startled, my wife, Lynda, tried to shut it off, but it would not stop. It would have been just like my mom to do such a thing, in the afterlife, to let us know everything was A-OK... How presumptuous, right? Well, the night my father died 8 years ago, my atomic wall clock stopped at exactly 12am. Okay, a coincidence. Then May 24th that year, on what would have been his birthday, the same thing happened. Both my wife and I thought it strange. Then on June 24th, on what would have been my parents 60th anniversary, the same thing occurred again! We're not superstitious, but my wife and I take these little reassurances, from mom & dad, or God, to mean that Heaven is now that much richer with two pranksters there.

Life is...

I love Russian Literature from the 1800's. Dostoevsky and Tolstoy are my favorites. Books usually 600 pages or so full of deep, miserable pain. And just when you think its gonna get happy, the protagonist dies a horrible death. Dickens was similar in that vain as well, all his stories are about the bleakness of nineteenth century England. These historic works of fiction should be a reminder to us all how fortunate we are to live so carefree. Dickens, Dostoevsky, and Tolstoy were not morbid writers, their stories amid suffering showcased great faith by the people of the day, who basically had no more than that. Death was just a part of life to them. Consumption, or tuberculosis, took many people at a young age then. Modern movies today often end with the protagonist winning it all; to have anything but, would be a disaster at the box office. We have a need to read and go see fairytales, we don't want to know that life is temporary and fleeting. We worship undeserving icons who coddle us with entertainment, and insulate us from anything that discomforts us. I don't wish to live back then, but people of old knew that life was precious and short, they didn't have time for some of the foolishness of our day. When I read the classics, I'm overwhelmed by the richness in such poverty; the joy in such deep sorrow. Suffering is a chisel that removes all but true character, learn to see it as a wonderful tool in life. If we were always happy, we would never even realize it.

sweet river of delight

Nothing’s gonna break my fall-

I’m headfirst, fast approaching,

With every thought of loving you…

Your open arms, my safe harbor

From the storm of unforgiveness-

This world is your antithesis,

Let me live forever in your bosom;

Sweet river of delight flow evermore,

Drown me in my lover’s elation.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

DE TROP

Heart of mine,

At what degree does boldness feign?

You proceed as if a sauntering panther,

Yet you beg like a famished mongrel-

You dangle shamelessly from the sleeve

For all the world to see as you really are;

Tethered is the man, the child unfettered,

It’s a wonder your tendency isn’t pure babble.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Nightmare

The horse of many different colors,

A steed of the subtle subconscious

That hurdles guarded barricades-

Dare to tame her, and she will buck!

Caught in her reigns inside of a doze,

She will drag you through the excremental

Residue of your psyche, then retreat;

All inside of a flicker of fading time

You reason that all is well and good,

As shadows sneak back into the light.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Wrapped within her soul

The love of her is my pulse,

She, like no other, stings my heart-

Woman of my most inborn desires,

She is spring on a cold winter’s day;

Wrapped within her soul, I am freed,

While the world rattles its chains…

The sweet touch upon her lips,

A sensation only to be imagined-

Consumes in entirety my thirst for life;

A thousand deaths I would die

For the essence of her passion.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Shoes

We judge by the shoes we comfortably walk in

Without considering the "soles" of others;

Misguided tongues often lead our stuttered steps-

Steel tipped boots that are laced to kill at will

While we twostep our way in the name of togetherness…

Shoes come in all different colors and sizes,

But don’t step on the toes of those can’t afford them-

Lest you want to feel like a complete heel.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Glory Days

When I was in choir in high school, I met up with lifelong friend, Bryan Boyd, a fellow musician & songwriter. We got together and made some incredible music and harmony. Mrs Bridges, the choir teacher, caught wind of our burgeoning talent, and asked us to sing, "The Boxer," by Simon & Garfunkel for an upcoming choir concert, for the student body. Mind you, I was quite mischievous in those days, and was familiar with the references to "the whores on 7th Avenue," in the song, and was thrilled at the opportunity to sing it. Bryan, on the other hand, upon listening to the song, adamantly refused. So we had to tell Mrs Bridges the bad news. She would not believe it no matter what, I had to bring a copy of the record for her to listen to; and what happened then? We almost got sent to principals office for not telling her sooner. I have fond memories of Sarah Bridges, and loved her dearly; but the likes of Bryan and I just couldn't resist causing her angst. One day, Bryan and I took some pencil shavings, and rolled them in paper, and fashioned it into what looked like a joint. I dared Bryan to tell her he found it on the floor. He had said no more than, "Mrs Bridges, looky what I found," shoved it under her nose as she let out a horrid scream, while her coffee cup showered the front row of the risers. Forward now to 30 something years later, I met up with her at a high school class reunion. I was astonished to hear the words, "You and Bryan were great kids, and I'm very proud of you both." I was greatly taken aback. I guess some teachers can see through the hell you gave them, and still see the potential in you. Mrs Bridges, wherever you are, you are greatly appreciated and loved.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What Matters Most

The river runs dry so often
From drinking it on your knees,
But peace sometimes finds a way 
At the strangest point of juncture;
So many times I've cried out,
Not hearing the voice of God,
While tears of insignificance 
Stream down my forgotten face-
The world is cold and unforgiving;
Yet the innocent words of a child,
"You are so cool, Grampa,"
Are more than all I've ever asked for.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Exit Doors

Seeing double through
A kaleidoscope of emotions,
I am both lost & found...
While revisiting the entrance 
Of things that used to matter,
I see myself a disillusioned 
Child of learned Propensity;
I am who I am by suggestion;
Yet, self-will requires entering
That ever elusive exit door,
And never looking back again.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Thankfulness

Thankfulness 
Can be realized
In the lack of hunger...
The joy of wealth...
And very few tears...
Yet thankful also are many
Whose personal pain 
Has changed their lives,
For the better...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Netted Butterflies

Sketches in my mind
Both vivid and vague,
Times of bittersweet...
Like netted butterflies 
Of an elusive past,
Once caught & catalogued;
And putting into words
Their florid design,
I then set them free.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Circus Parade

I won't be in your
Circus parade,
A freak I am not-
You've had your say
Right up until now,
Pulling my strings
And playing mime;
But I now glory in
Newly broken shards;
A mirror shattered
And done with...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Rekindled

I've buried it all,
Never to haunt again-
The face of dawn
Smiles reassuringly...
Scars that won't heal
Must be cauterized-
Wasted years on fears
That were bestowed,
Never at my asking;
Dead to me in finality, 
I choose to live again.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I Reside In Your Eyes

You are my home-
I reside in your eyes,
And live for your
Silly laughter...
You are my sanctuary-
I rest in your arms,
And find assurance 
In your love...
You are my best friend-
I've found no one
Who compares with you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hibernation

Turning inward,
Neon winter fades-
Cracked crystal ice 
Shields the fortress;
In a womb of fire
Lies an effigy...
Burn though it will,
Time tends to awaken 
A sleeping bear;
His name is Truth.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Turning Doors

For every idle word 
Aforesaid in redundancy,
Novel seems there cadence;
Life is full of turning doors-
Yet the mind interprets
Each exit as unfamiliar...
Simply separated good & bad,
Everything else is apropos- 
Yet nothing is predictable 
But the day to day weather-
But even that is partly cloudy...
We fail to see life is cyclical 
Through our linear lenses.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Chirp, Chirp

The sky is a ladder-
Enigmatic celestial steps 
For the eyes to ascend...
While some reach for its limits,
Others, for the perfect pie;
A bird will tell you
It's precipitously just 
A natural undercurrent,
That palpitates it pinions...
Smart one, that bird.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Buddy, James

We were just coming of age
In an adolescent 1970s-
Old town north was our playground;
Like minded from the get go,
We clicked like a Polaroid!
Your family became blood to me,
Your mom second to my own...
Laughter sailed our creative ship
Upon the waves of adversity,
Music was our salvation;
The years have come & gone,
And yet we still are best of friends- 
50 years of laughter & tears,
It's about time that I tell you
That I love you, buddy.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Vita Nova

Naked, we are born,
Brutally primal...
Cries of want, innate;
We are all mere sponges
In a sea of desires;
Greed indeed within
The seed of conception...
None are pure of heart;
Perfection was rejected,
Tried, and crucified,
Much like all deserve-
But blood, the giver of life,
Was shed for the asking;
And perfect love, victorious!
Clothed anew in his grace,
We are given never to die.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Lynda

California girl,
Blonde nymph in dashiki-
Puerile love on my part;
You pierced my heart
And there you remained forever...
Yet you ran from me
Until you caught me!
Love is more than a feeling,
It is my whole life to give you-
Thank you, my love,
For 42 years of friendship
That transcends our flesh;
You are intagral to my completion.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Written on November 10, 2018

100 years ago tomorrow, civility finally concluded, "the war to end all wars." Since then, 46 million more people around the world have died in military conflicts. In fact, WW1 was merely the precursor to WW2. WW2 was merely the precursor to "the cold war," which included the Vietnam war, and many other bloody conflicts in Central & South America. This was merely the precursor to "the arms race," which successfully brought the Berlin wall down, to the world's rejoicing. This brought about "the new world order," which was a guise for global destabilization as it existed, and a broad reach toward globalism by the elites. This was superseded by 911, a horrific act which resulted in the restrictions of personal freedoms all over the world. The war to end all wars never ended, it has slowly progressed, at the cost of millions of lives, to the advantage of the elites. I love my country and salute those who have proudly served, among them my father; but acknowledge what those in high places have, & have not done. Hitler would have never gotten off of the ground without the aid of Standard Oil Corp. Castro would not have been a problem had we not put him there in the first place. And the holocaust could have been avoided, if Roosevelt had agreed to an offer from Hitler to move the many Jews to the largely then, unpopulated western states. Yes, we've made many mistakes, some were not mistakes, however. Granted, war is sometimes a neccessary evil, but as longs it is profitable, war will never end.

Advocate

May you always
Find peace amidst a storm-
Love just when your
Heart seems unappreciated-
And strength against 
This ever pressing world;
Know that you will
Always have an advocate
Who will carry you in prayer,
And be with you in spirit.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

 

The Choice

I have taken bitter blows in life
And exhausted many laments -
But time waits for no one,
Why must I lose it in sorrow?
I choose if I am wounded-
No, you may not rob me of my joy!
I will leap outside of the circle
I have drawn myself into,
And look beyond fiery darts;
Tears have a purpose,
They're not meant to drown in.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

From Death To Life

Winter awakens,
The living dead of all cyclical 
Viability stills the earth-
The return of the full circle...
He robs the foliage of colors
And leaves their frame skeletal-
His fury demands respect,
And like that of an old liege
Respect is paid him well,
Yet a vernal scion is at hand
That soon usurps his reign;
And winter dies again for a time...
But unlike our understanding,
Death brings about new life;
Likewise we are synonymous 
To the cycle of the seasons-
Surely life supersedes death.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Fighter

Weathered, yet standing,
A mountain of determination-
The soul of a fighter
Cannot be restrained within;
He either gives up and dies,
Or he bleeds for another day!
Were it of ease to just press on,
The fighter would become complacent-
He envisions all obstacles 
As another opportunity to progress,
And all pain as a chance to learn-
But he lives in need of those
Who, like him, battle conflict-
For without them, the fight is futile;
This is what it is to be human.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Metamorphic Antipode

Once a butterfly,
Wings now torn and battered-
Life, the adversary to living
Has dealt the bitter blow;
Retreat! All is a losing battle!
I have no use for them now,
Cut off the pinions of freedom
And let me withdraw within-
Worm that I have now become,
Let me rot in my cocoon.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

It Still Hurts

The void that pains deeply-
This unseen dagger
Lodged into my heart;
Years of tears amid the fears
That you'll forever hate me...
Things I did not do
Will evermore live in your mind,
While I live in the helplessness 
Of my own repetitive alibis...
The end has long past,
And what's dead is dead;
Yet you'll live in my heart always,
As the friend I could have had.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hands

A hand-
It can do much destruction...
With a pen in its hold,
It can wield from one nation
A sword of death upon another;
While it can labor in numbers
In building highways and byways
That interconnect the world,
Bringing all people together...
Yet one hand in another,
Between a man and a woman,
Is the beginning of all things.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Facing Fear

Counterfeit faces of reality 
Engage me in a stare down-
Everyday they write a page
In the book of life's fears;
The 'what ifs,' that multi headed 
Beast of my imagination,
That knows me like no other enemy-
Standing like a sure goliath,
And I but a pebble, & rubberband;
Yet, I blink not! I'll face this day
As though trustingly blind,
And watch its ugly head roll
Much like a very harmless toy.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Falling

Festered deep within, 
Yet shielded, farcical & false- 
Stained with shame, 
Like useless vellum parchment; 
Every face has a past... 
But freedom lies in knowing 
That none are seraphic; 
Lower than the angels, 
We often fall with the ease 
Of a leaf in October- 
While the hand of grace 
Awaits us on the ground.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Cat Barks

My cat is a dog,
Or at least she thinks-
None can tell her differently;
She won't use the box,
But instead, the sidewalks-
Or sometimes, an unsuspecting tree;
If you tell her she's not,
She'll claw with a swat-
And you're libel to get bit too;
So forgive her if she barks,
And retaliates with remarks-
Such as, "oh, you little shih tzu!!!"

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Coming Full Circle

Words I once so needed to hear, 
My heart has found assurance- 
For none hold a key to happiness 
But me, if it is to find endurance.

Despair, once a friend that lingered, 
Made house and home of mind- 
And dread was the bed in which I laid, 
While it devoured all that it dined.

Slowly the light dawned in the dark, 
And revealed my dire circumstance- 
My life was death in subtleness, 
And I was merely its slowdance.

Coming full circle from death back to life, 
My eyes have found but what its true- 
This world is definitely not your friend, 
And it only takes you, to love you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Salivation

Yesterday on my tongue,
A taste I can't rid myself-
Trying to replace it with
So many flavors of life;
A time that meant so much,
Yet meant so much pain...
Love that is lost forever
Never ceases to find me,
No matter what happiness 
My heart may to hide in;
Satiated though I am
By the fount of goodness,
I pang from hunger.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Pardon Me

Bullets fired in the dark,
Don't take them personally-
They're just words vented...
Not aimed or directed,
They're simply tongue missles 
Meant to implode on impact-
Casualties are unintended;
I'm just a prisoner of my
Own internal warfare,
And sometimes you are
Simply collateral damage.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Border Of Uncertainty

Colors fade into reality-
Were it not for the pain,
Purpose would surely falter;
I'd die a million deaths again
To live where I once believed
I knew all the answers...
On the border of uncertainty,
There's a knowing tomorrow 
Holds more tears, more joy-
Yet I know not their time;
Seasons play like children
Without a care in the world-
And I, like a worried parent.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Passage

In my loneliness,
I found a locked door-
I had not a key,
And could not open it;
I felt myself trapped...
No one could hear me
As I called out to them-
Twas caged as a wild bird;
Silence became my friend,
And we spoke often...
He taught me many things:
The world outside
Was just as lonely as I,
And it was up to me
To make a difference in it;
Twas then that 
The door came ajar...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Looking Back

A faded mile,
A road traversed 
Has forgotten me-
Things change, 
And I cannot change it;
Time friends no one,
But those that lose 
Sight of her...
How blessed the blind
In their workaday lives;
Rose colored, their eyes.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

With Former Eyes

Unrelenting, I will 
Fight the good fight-
With my back against 
The formidable wall,
I will prove my worth!
Blind though I may be,
I will climb mountains 
You have not yet seen;
There is only room in
Here for brute strength-
How dare you to think
That I am in your need.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Better Place

So constantly 
The beckoning sea
Of tranquility, 
Calls out to me-
Life after life,
In a better place
I wish to live free;
No where to hide
In this world wide,
Peace is a fantasy...
But soon someday,
I'll depart this affray-
And find life anew,
As promised me.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

When Something's Amiss

When all that you've longed for
Is long forgotten- 
The pain of knowing 
Something's amiss reverberates 
In it's absence...
Sadly life fades into a crescendo 
Of emotional concavity;
A broken heart is often hidden
Within a vulnerable smile,
Yet eyes are terrible liars.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Forego The Feud

What matters
Does not matter, 
Deny the emotions 
That beg at your door- 
Like water off a duck, 
You'll soon recover 
And wing to oblivion; 
You've one vulnerable 
And delicate heart- 
Take care not to bleed 
When others wound, 
For blood never satiates.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Acerbic Banter

Fairytales & moonbeams 
Are all that glimmers shadows-
While false hopes dress up 
In promissory garb,
I grasp the rosary of doubt 
In complete reverence, 
Knowing that fate resides 
In the divine providence 
Of happenstance... 
For nothing escapes the eye 
Of the watchful hand of laxity.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Against all odds

Cause will never replicate 
What could have been-
Passing windows along
Hope's distant promises
Remain locked and sealed;
Chance is an inversion
Of the reality of fate...
Alas, all seems dismal;
Yet my heart is a believer.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Much To Question

Chances are-
Time has unraveled 
The golden rose-
A faceless dream
That taunted my heart;
Ruse that it was,
My mind owes much-
Howbeit the sky was blue
And yet I saw the stars?

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Inspite Of Everything

My mind wanders so much
It's a wonder it stays in my head-
I'll have to ask three times
What twice has been said.

I confess, I'm getting old and grey,
And I'm getting hard of hearing-
My mind isn't as quick as it once was,
And thoughts keep on disappearing.

Yes, getting old really does suck,
And what I'd do to get it all back-
But hey, my optometrist just told me
I have a brand new 'Cadillac!'

(C) 2018 BY Scott Endsley

A Mere Reminder

Rise up 
And regather your bones,
Death has not yet come-
The fields are ripe with battles,
And you have yet to be tested;
The blood on your brow
Is but a mere reminder-
That life is not for the fainthearted,
But for those who relish a fight.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Looking Back On Youth

Wasted wine-
Years spent on a dime
Kissing shadows that faded;
Were it not for lucidity 
Surely the heart would falter...
Life spoke in black and white,
Yet I often colored my dreams,
Dreams that often slumbered;
But now the days are like a vintage,
And savory are their sapidity.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Once Found

When nothing else matters,
The world only has one face-
As it is all encompassing;
A face like no other face,
It is all that you envision
While all other faces are illusory;
Yet hope resides in this countenance.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What Remains

Something that remains 
Will never sever from within,
Time will not shake it-
Ingrained in permanence,
It is always yours-
In spirit, I will watch over you,
Not a day escapes 
Without a prayer for you;
Our lives did not cross
Without a purpose.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Just As Blue

There will never come a day
When my eyes fail to tear-
For even if the sky is clear,
I am just as blue...
A heart that is broken
Is like a glass half full-
You can try and fool yourself,
But it is, after all, just as empty;
Maybe tomorrow the sun
Will shine brighter than today...
At least then the rain might 
Just be a little bit warmer.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Futility Of a Falsehood

Time tells the truth
In her own chosen time-
Though darkness rules the night,
It cowers at the sight of dawn;
Falsity is always shortlived-
For as long as it takes
To conjure up a lie,
The truth is already set in motion;
And soon rears its ugly head.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What You Treasure

Some things never die,
They just have a life of their own-
You can't put it them out like fire...
But like fire, they consume you
Till they are all that you live for;
For life is otherwise meaningless...
Thus few ever live until they find
Something worth dying for.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Weathered Love

One love, a world apart;
Though congruent,
Time has withered 
What was bound together-
A wedge between them
In the shape of absence,
Like two ships at sea
Lost in the same waters...
Distant voices in the mist
Falling on ears of indifference,
Kindred of melting snow.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Good Intentions

The heart is a cage-
It longs to love
Beyond its confinement;
To be passionately 
Broken and unguarded...
It has the capacity 
To change the world
By giving of itself;
But it's such a hoarder.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Holding On

In your absence
Time is so relevant-
Brief winter days
Of remembrance 
Seemed captured in joy;
Those days were
A mist amidst dearth-
Your face etched
Inside my eyelids,
Impossible to forget;
A mark you left
Upon my heart...
Oh forever friend,
You are so missed!

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Cacophony Of Noise

A cacophony of noise
When I think back in time-
My words collided in emotion,
Like a syncopated rhyme.

A cacophony of noise
In the words that were said-
Never there to be heard,
For the heart feared to tread.

Pride always before the fall
Of that which it destroys-
But kindness speaks louder 
Than a cacophony of noise.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Forever December

Forever December
In a season of grief...
A friendship taken
By a masterful thief-

The winter holds on,
And the days colder-
You remain young,
And I, a little older...

Forever December,
Alas in my mind,
I've never known
A cruelty so kind...

A winter's rose
That faded away,
Colors my heart
A December grey.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Beyond Understanding

Impossible words,
They are all that speak-
No tongue can flatter or praise;
We babble at best bountiful bile,
And blaspheme whom we seek...
Yet the hand of love reaches low,
It does not know to be cautious-
Howbeit broken hearts resist?
Grace abounds beyond understanding;
Peace is in our very midst.

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Life Moves On

The river crossed,
What's done is done-
No looking back
Upon broken ships;
A road traversed 
Is meeting its end,
The sea awaits anew...
A thousand lifetimes 
Is but one day away-
Yet the demise of life
Clings to yesterday.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Your Empty Hands

Your empty hands, so giving...
Yet I took from them all I could;
Intended, but neglected
Were things I should have said,
And the asking face, I could've read-
But the world was too full of me
To let you savor a breadcrumb;
I now dangle from the hand of pride
Over a long and regretful descent...
How I wish for your empty hands
To break my fatal fall.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

On THe Edge Of Reason

I stood on the edge of reason and looked hard and long at madness. What I saw brought me to tears, for I spied a parallel world; a world where all are dying in order just to survive. A place where all exalt Isolation, and worship their own deeds. At the crux of this society, divisiveness is a tool to keep it from really coalescing. The people themselves want it this way for they fear real unity, for nobody wants mob rule! In this society, the leaders there talk doublespeak. For instance, they say they must go to war to "keep the peace," this kind of confusion tends to overwhelm the masses, and makes them compliant to anything they ask. Freethinking there is very costly! It can cause a tax audit, a church expulsion, or a suspension from a university (Where freethinking was once encouraged). Freedom of speech? That depends... If it offends, it's hate speech. Sounds great, but it's a bit ambiguous since we can't tell ahead of time what's going to offend whom; therefore "freedom of speech" has been revised to the "freedom to not be offended." Therefore, it's best to keep one's mouth shut (even this dissertation would be considered dangerous there). Wealth is iconic in this society. Sure, one should earn their daily worth, and be paid well. Your told in one ear, "work hard, and you'll reach the top!" But unless you're a corporate conglomerate, they will keep you down with tax hikes, regulatory compliance that affects your job, and various other ways to keep you outta the echelons of elites. Some miraculously do ascend that ivory tower, and are usually wined and dined. Once there, they have access to just about every politician money can buy. Yet the people in this society have forgotten that THEY THEMSELVES are the government, and assume these "lobby whores" are in real places of "power." As as I looked hard and long into madness, I shook my head, and did an about face again toward reason. As I did, I heard a gasping behind me... of a world where all are dying in order just to survive...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Passing Gaze

'Ive never known eyes so willing-
A friendly acceptance 
Of this broken vessel of tears;
In that brief moment,
You reassured me that the sun
Will always shine, despite the rain...
Your casual smile meant all of the world
In a world of cold indifference;
Of all that is noteworthy in life,
I will always remember you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Sad Remembrance

With eyes half opened,
I wane gently into the deep-
Junctures of a remembrance weave 
The thoughts I so embrace;
Still hanging on while letting go,
I'm like a two headed coin falling on tails...
It was a near miss, my heart still burns
From the heat of the friction-
Love so sweet that it bitters
The palate of promise, 
With the reality that it could never be...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Sheltered Heart

Though the sun
May not always shine,
People will come & go,
Love is yours perpetually-
Etched into my heart
Is your very name;
That unique moniker 
That delights my tongue,
When taken pleasure to say...
So when the earth quakes,
Or the sky breaks,
Know your heart is sheltered;
Mine stands at its watch.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Silently

I saw you there,
At close distance-
A million questions,
But so little time...
Sad that we've
Become strangers 
In such a peculiar way;
Neither one of us
Will forget the other,
As if long time friends...
Yet pride is a buffer
That keeps us distant;
So here we stand, once again...
Silently I cry out to you;
But loudly I can't hear you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Play Dead

Burning down alters-
Things I used to believe in
Have washed up on shore...
Combustible driftwood-
Though wet, dry as a bone;
People I once put in high places
Have sunk beneath the tide,
With their cannon fodder 
Amist kind words...
But it's alright, just play dead,
The sea takes care of its own.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Nothing Left

There's nothing left,
Close my hand, its gone-
The dream has cast 
Its ugly head unmasked;
Torn as a paper sack,
All that is in me has spilled
Like the guts of a criminal...
My days are numbered 
As though a child's paint book;
Is there not one ray of sun
That's not clouded by hurt?

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Pool Of Beautiful

I fell into a pool of beautiful,
The delight of all that you are-
Such a glance overwhelms
The unguarded, desiring heart...
In that moment you conquered all;
You forever shattered the stone
That held sway in the cold of the night,
And left me baying with fire...
Submerge me deeper, my love,
Deluge me with your very essence.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Slolen Moments

The flicker of fading
From my memory
All that has been
Lost- pieces of
My life gone like
Yesterday's pay;
Left indebted again
To the empty pockets
Of my mind.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Derelict Heart

The derelict heart beats no less, 
Yet has died so long ago- 
It musters a moaning deep inside, 
Where love once used to grow.

Wanting, waiting, but finally fading, 
It shriveled within itself- 
Nothing but one's beautiful touch 
Can nurse it back to health.

But they are long gone, far away, 
And so a question remains, 
A question never to be answered- 
So the heart lays waste and wanes.

How can it be so cruel and callous, 
To flaunt amity, and then take it away? 
My most bitter enemy, life itself, 
Has had its final say.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Cruel Pleasure

It was worth the hurt-
The sting of pain, unimaginable,
Yet my nature is quick to forget!
I'd forfeit my contentment
Just to be in her presence again-
The heart must feel anguish,
In order to be noticed...
Why must I listen to it?
Love is a cruel pleasure,
A beautiful rose colored thorn.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

So Alone

A prisoner of disguise,
I am bitterly crying inside-
Fanciful facades of facial fakery,
I am a coloful chameleon;
Unshackled, I am burdening 
And like good wine gone bad...
Still, I must escape these walls...
Someone please see through me.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Placebo

Indifference cuts deeper
Than hatreds blade,
You'll never know
The depths I've bled-
I believed in you when
Faith was only a placebo;
Still I never quite caught
The hem of your shadow...
The friend I needed most
Was no friend at all,
Just a kind stranger
With nothing better to do-
A stranger I loved so much.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

For No One, Really

No need to really say it,
I have read the silence-
The one thing you gave me...
The price paid for folly,
A fool with an empty soul;
My pain is redeemable
If you wish for more,
Just take whatever you need...
Faceless though you are,
My severed heart knew you;
I just can't remember 
Who exactly you were.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Falling Asleep

So softly the night falls
As time slips away-
In a state of perpetuity,
Forever is captured in
A flux of fleeting moments;
World unseen to eyes
Flash like camera bulbs...
Forgotten is the here and now,
Like a train derailed long ago;
Haze creeps like a thief 
But fails to rob you blind,
Until all your pockets are empty-
So sly slumber has found you
Naked and destitute;
wanting of her sheltering arms.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Face Of Love

'Ive touched the face of love
Many times as a man,
Felt her fiery fingers grasp
The heart as if it were gasoline-
Consumed with passion, unrelenting...
Her lips were soft to the touch,
They puckered as I fondled them;
They spoke sweet promises...
Yet her eyes were always
Lightyears away from my own;
Elusive and indifferent,
As if we had never met at all...
The face of love, I know it well;
She is my most intimate stranger.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

That's Just The Way It Is

Contours of splendor
Shaded the years gone by-
But the face of dread
Now dons my countenance;
Less of the man I was as a lad,
Pointless is the forward path...
Dead, all but the living-
Trying to find hope in hope,
I cling to old dreams...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Soul Bleeds

Though silent is hope
I cling to impossibility-
A shadow remains,
Albeit distant & dubious;
A fool of fools to believe...
My heart aches with fear
That she is but a memory,
A faded intangible mist-
Asunder, my soul bleeds,
For part of it remains
In the hands of her stead.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Stolen Goods

What words have stolen
Is more precious than all,
Irreplaceable and vital-
One can have abundance,
Yet privation of the heart;
All that is gone is entirety...
Tomorrow mocks me with
False hope's and dreams,
I will go there nonetheless...
Hoping to find stolen goods.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hungry Animal

Filling up holes
With empty space,
The heart remains
A hungry animal-
It will never find
Complete satisfaction;
It must be brimming
With a broken spirit-
For once broken open,
Can the heart only be
Filled with substance.

(C) 2018 by Scott C. Endsley

Forgive & Regret

Shades of stupidity,
I've colored them well,
Guilt is my talking magpie...
She sings as I count the years
That time was stolen by her tune;
"Forgive and regret," her jeer-
Oh to kill that cackling windbag!
Yes, to live free of me,
Is for me to be absolutely free;
For if I not only pardon,
But also forget, I can move on.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

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