Stories, Poems, & Blog (2)

useless drops of hopelessness

A gaping hole

Left by one who never cared-

I find myself hiding inside of it;

Warm & wishful is its tenor-

How my heart loved this woman;

But tears are useless drops  

Of hopelessness, born from out of

Eyes that refuse to see truth…

She will never love me;

Her, I will never know how to not.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

Self serving love

When you are lonely inside,
You can mistake kindness
For absolute adulation...
You will imagine yourself 
Making that person happy,
Inevitably making them miserable;
Sensing you've done wrong,
You overcompensate,
To mend what was never anything...
I am learning not to need.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

as long as

The Sun never sets on the future-
As long as there is another day,
There is always hope for a change...
What is dark and looming today
May lift like a fog of desperation,
And bring instead, a destination;
Tomorrow's yesterday, in hindsight,
Will soon appear distantly passed,
As long as there is a morning Sun.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the bitter end

Untitled pain

I cannot name-

A beast that I only know;

You can't tame him,

He demands recompense!

But none can be given,

So he punishes me instead...

A beast of many heads,

And yet, a benevolent

Nature about his cruelty;

But I and I must one day

Fight to the bitter end,

To stop all this suffering.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

the sprouting of a mustard seed

Great faith
Is not measured 
In moving the mountain-
It's determined,
Instead, by whom
You trusted blindly
In your helplessness;
By doing so,
You let go of your
Inadequacies,
And grasped onto 
He who can infinitely 
Work through you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

with the sun in our eyes

The sky,
She covers us like a mother hen-
For without her pinions 
We are like fish out of water;
Disregarded, she is easily angered,
And catches our attention
Like a cat chases fleeing mice...
But once appeased, she is calm;
And again, warms us with her down.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

the heart now sleeps

While the heart now sleeps,
All the world remains at play-
Eyes sewn shut, blind to all,
I see not the approaching years;
Ears closed, I hear only whispers
Of my own chosen memories...
For I cannot face where I am at:
The very distance between 
Yesterday's pain, & tomorrow's fear.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Off of his rocker

Grampa got a knee replacement, 
Now he's off his rocker...
He's chasin grandma round the house,
And kicks the spaniel cocker.

Since he's seen that Orthopediatrician
Life is just simply not the same;
Grampa's inhibitions were all in check
When he was subdued, and safely lame.

He left this morning to the doc with a grin,
He's gonna get some of that there Cialis,
Meanwhile, grandmas packing fast & light,
And headin like hell, for Dallas!

a fool's fool

Once naked,
A fool is what he is-
No cloak of dignity 
To adorn his bare 
Inadequacies...
I, the obvious fool,
Unabashedly 
Confess my frailty-
I am no rock,
For rocks erode;
I am instead
The grass of summer
That dies in the cold-
Yet forever endures
Seasonal challenges;
Yes, a fool's fool-
I dare to reemerge.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

if the sky should fall

Barricades of terror surround unlocked doors-

No guards, yet a prisoner nevertheless,

My worst enemies may, or may not exist;

A trip to town takes an outright act of Xanax!

It’s not a whimsical question of if the sky should fall,

But will I literally survive until I get back home?

No one can relate, and they tell me to face my fear…

They mean well, but it’s not just jumping in cold water;

The heart palpitates, you suffocate, until it nauseates:

If the sky should finally someday fall,

What a relief that might be.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

reality speaks

Reality speaks in a language I know well, she doesn't hold anything back. Everyday, she whispers all that my heart lacks. I cannot cry enough tears. I've never known love, as love is told; lovers, I've had many. Yet, I have loved deeply, and been deeply wounded. My body burns to be held like a loving woman's child. To rest in the bosom of the impossible. Sex for its own sake is so lonely, I desire to be part of someone's soul. But Reality argues that that's not the world we live in anymore. Self gratification is the mantra for most; I live for the gratification of the woman of my dreams. Reality reminds me that I may never know that love, but I'm not satisfied with less. Like many people, Reality tells me I'll likely live out my life, unsatisfied. Maybe I'm not listening closely enough to Reality; perhaps all that I desire is exactly as said, "the woman of my dreams."

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

cracks

Tomorrow shines the same old Sun,
Piercing through the cracks in our lives-
We think we can hide our true colors
Whether intentions are good or bad,
And it's true some are colorblind;
Yet who we are, sifts from out of the soul,
And through the heart, and out of the mouth;
Time will find us out as sure as we live...
Choose your colors well.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

never a regret

At times I wonder if you remember me-

Was I any kind of significance at all?

Your voice, I do not recall,

But your essence sticks to the bottom of my heart;

I knew you for all of a month,

Yet for two years now, you’re all I think about…

When you walked away,

I Never dreamed the pain would never subside;

But I don’t regret ever giving you my heart,

To do with as you will...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

What if...

I missed my calling. Decades ago, a friend & I decided to start a polka-punk band, complete with accordions, called, "Orville Otis und der Honkerflappers." But it never came to fruition. Imagine if we had been bigger than The Beatles. Why, Lawrence Welk would have emerged as a hero with the young, just like Johnny Cash. Well, I suppose there is a divine reason for everything, especially sometimes unsuccess. Its okay to dream however, but had success come, who knows what nightmares might have entailed: fame might've ruined us. We could have all sued each other, and broke up, while Orville ran off with a Ukrainian throat singer named, Yoyo. Yes, I missed my calling, but at least fame and fortune didn't stain me. Thank you, God, for looking out for my best interest.

Modern day parable

Some will rob you blind,

Others see exactly what they’re after-

Sad to say, you have to be vigilant

While juggling to be charitable;

Wolves and serpents target benevolence,

And rape the kindhearted-

But one must learn to turn the other cheek,

And just break wind in the face of such charlatans;

Jesus might’ve said it different, however.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

Don't pass up the journey

If you're busy chasing your dreams

You will never catch them,

Learn to live them now;

You only have today to breathe,

Tomorrow is never guaranteed...

Enjoy what you do, while you do it,

And don't confuse success with fame.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

What's in a name?

Deep in the hills of Texhoma, resides the small town of Chickenshit, Texas. A proud community of hard workin families, and a people indicative of all Americana. People there respect their elected officials; when spotted on the street, folks reverently take off their hats, place them over their hearts, and salute, "Yep, there goes our Chickenshit mayor!" Every year, "The International Chickenshit-house of Pancakes," sponsors the Chickenshitter's community parade. Some of the more notable Chickenshits sit atop of floats, and throw goodies to the crowd. Chickenshit is an HOA community, and not just anybody can live there. You have to have done something valorous to live in Chickenshit. But the folks are friendly and encourage tourism. So some Sunday after church, and there ain't nothin else to do, take the wife and kids, and drop into Chickenshit; and maybe do some fishin for crappie!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

I'm always there

Turn around,

Even when no one's there-

In the stillness of your mind

My thoughts are with you;

For wherever you hide your heart,

You'll find me standing watch...

I will always keep you

Safe within a constant prayer.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

shimmy your own shuffle

When you've danced your heart out
And the world remains indifferent,
Realize you're not the first to dance...
While some dance better than others,
Others will just sit this one out;
Whether you dance in a group,
Or to a step no one else can follow-
Be glad you were bold enough
To shake your stuff before the world,
Regardless of how it was recieved.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

only through grace

When aiming high,
Its easier to fall-
The closer to the light,
The more often we burn;
Why bother to progress?
Only through grace
Can all things become new-
For only then,
That's when God's hand safely
Steers the heart through
The raging battle...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

strengthening one another

Only the strong survive,
Or so we're led to believe-
But only in weakness 
Can one love with purpose;
While the strong harden,
The vulnerable never break-
Never afraid to love boldly...
For one must become less,
In order that which is loved 
To become so much greater.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

You say it's your birthday?

Did you know that the song, "Happy Birthday," is not public domain, but actually copywritten, and published by Warner/Chapelle music company. Which means that if you sing it publicly, you have to pay royalties. For this reason, anytime you went to Applebees, Red Lobster, or any other restaurant, and it was your birthday, they sang that ridiculous alternative ditty, that goes something like:

Happy, happy birthday,
We're glad you came today-
Happy, happy birthday,
But don't forget to pay!

So the next time you sing "Happy Birthday" at little Johnny's party, don't say you weren't warned if BMI or ASCAP knocks on the door, and wants their piece of the cake...

pain's answer

Somewhere there's an answer
To all of life's pains...
It won't be found in people,
For they are just as pained-
It won't be found in money,
For money is never enough;
Pain's answer lies in acknowledging 
The reality of hardships,
And accepting their challenges 
As a means to better yourself.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

at peace

Nothing can hurt me now-
Illusions of pain & sorrow
Are yesterday's dust & grime;
Detached, almost free of life,
I am most certainly at peace 
And only have one foe- myself...
Strike me down in anger,
Your bitter blow is well taken;
Put it among my own, and we 
Will have an understanding.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

when the party's over

What now,

Now that the party’s over?

For fifteen minutes of wealth,

I had a name, I had friends…

But the cock crowed thrice

Once the plug was pulled;

I don’t wish money on anyone...

Blessed are the poor and naked

Who are loved unmerited.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Three & a half minutes with you again

I found you in a song,

You were never meant to be there-

But as it unfolded, you etched

Your face all over my heart…

Cruel though it was,

I found myself coloring in your eyes;

The want to lose myself in your hair

Was my fingers’ greatest wish…

Knowing I’ll never see you again

Was just as sad as the song itself.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Merciful threshold

I don’t really wanna live long,

Isolation offers so little to be prized-

Friends are gone; like seaweed washed ashore,

The blue expanse vomits up the expendable!

Merciful sea of grief, you’re so misunderstood-

A threshold to a much better place…

I am not afraid to go.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

desire

I found the stars

Once satisfied with the moon,

Treasure lies in the quest of hoping-

The hunt is half the reward…

To seek what you truly desire

Is every man’s written design-

But once you’ve reached the stars

The moon no longer lures,

And heaven is all that you want.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

if darwin is correct

How do fools survive,

If Darwin is correct?

It surely must be luck,

And not by intellect!

Survival of the fittest,

That’s the rule of thumb;

But how do you explain

Especially the dumb?

A man eating lion

Is not impossible, you see-

For man is atop of the food chain,

That must be the key!

So, Darwin wasn’t so stupid,

Yes, he made a monkey of us all-

And some fools are smarter than monkeys…

As you see, this tale is tall.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

 

 

i need you so

In a perfect world

I would’ve shown you that I love you-

I would have let

My self-protective guard down-

I would have thought more

About you than myself;

Oh, my sweet friend, I need you so!

Your life surely goes on,

While mine revolves around

A time so sweet, so long ago-

When you brightened my darkest day.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

nowhere else to go

All roads lead to nowhere,
With places in between-
We think we've arrived,
When there are miles & miles
Of nowhere more to go;
Will we ever find a destination,
Or will it just finally find us?
Either way, it's just the beginning 
Of everywhere in between...
So go your own merry way,
And may you find a final peace
Somewhere in between here,
And nowhere else to go.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

losing what's not mine

When it's gone,
No one can steal it anymore-
When you never had it,
It's like the world is missing;
Torn between the two,
I don't know what to feel...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

i know my place

I sit in my room

Collecting the years of discontent-

I’m a fixture, like antiquated décor…

I Rearrange my loneliness

From time to time, it scatters the dust;

And then all things become new…

I sit in my room

Making plans for days never to come

For when I’ll have nowhere else to go;

While the world wanders in search of home.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

A captive heart

Heart of stone

Shattered into petty dust-

I’m ever so easy to break…

But, who fell asleep

When her sweet eyes turned the key?

Guarded though I was,

Now a prisoner in her absence:

Slave either way,

I’ll die, never knowing her love…

Only certain I can’t live without it.  

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

You may call it lust, if you wish

Higher than the sky,

The tears that I cry-

What more can be sucked away?

Stark naked in physical touch…

Starving for a warm hand to hold

These cold and hungry fingers;

Useless arms beg to caress

Loves bare flesh with a purpose-

Oh, to be loved, as to love

One who burns with pleasure.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

waiting to die

I’ll never outlive

The ghosts in people’s minds-

Dig it deep, that my stench

Won’t stop up their nostrils!

Heaven forbid that my parade

Rains on all their clouded thoughts;

There’s nothing left in here

To put up a fight…

As they steal the pennies from my eyes.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

a sad slumber

Words I will never hear

From the one I held so dear,

They echo in my imagination-

Contentment is the jester

That prods my broken heart,

He laughs at the joke I’ve become:

A man who loved with vigor

The woman of his dreams-

And slept as she walked away.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

driftwood

Broken shells along the sea,
Time friends the rushing tide-
Words can't change entirely
What was left inside to die...
Picking up pieces of driftwood,
That the heart has misplaced-
And looking back on the years
Of such lonely tears, outpaced

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

His Habitual Grace

I was listening to a sermon on the radio the other morning in which the speaker inferred that the litmus test to whether one is saved, was if the believer was not a "habitual" sinner. I don't know what version of the Bible he was referencing, but all the ones I'm familiar with clearly underscores the depravity of the human condition. Even the Apostle Paul admitted that which he hated, he would do. Yes, "Saint" Paul was a sinner just like anyone. For heaven sake, why did Christ die on the cross if we had the capacity to not continue to sin? Sure, in good conscience, you should do your best, to be your best; but face it: we are all habitual sinners. We commit sin everyday, whether we realize it or not. The only true litmus test for salvation is whether or not you believe, and accept Christ's forgiveness. Yes, you must repent, but repentance means to change your attitude. No one but Jesus can change your heart. Salvation is a daily walk, not a one and done thing. So, to the believer, don't be discouraged if you are struggling with sin; realize that Christ is constantly cleansing you, and will do so until the day of your redemption.

missing faces

Somewhere in between
Here and gone forever,
Limbo sings of its uncertainty-
I listen to her sad song
Almost comforted by a hope;
Alluring though it may be,
I'm mindful of the faces
Of those that came and went...
Between here and gone forever.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

taken

Life is full of secure cellophane,
But look through its flattery cloak;
You're wrapped in swaddling rags,
Richly praised, and merely broke.

Cajolery, the silver tongued elixir,
It bears the taste of sweet dignity;
And once it is swallowed blindly,
It goes down smooth, most cleverly.

But reality bites like a very angry dog,
Once you realize you've been taken-
Bitterness is a dull blade self inflicted,
Yet fools often thirst, unforsaken.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

home

Home
Is that elusive belonging
Some mistakenly believe 
Is built into a fortress;
Others, found in people...
But home is never a home
Unless it provides for the heart,
And not just hungry mouths.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

everyone loves the dead

Few will laud your living legacy-
Yet some may bleed for your needs
While others won't care to notice at all;
Dogs eat dogs in a cat fight world-
It's just the nature of the beast,
Humanity knows no tune but self regard;
But when they lay you down in the ground-
Friend & foe alike will sing your praises
As if they knew the chorus all along.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

absurd love

I don't trust a soul,
I can't even trust myself-
A curse cast upon virtue;
Verity hath purged my 
opened eyes, and sighed...
Discontentment, the only
Covering of all my shame,
I've only on mercy to cling!
So what kind of love is this
That dies, so that I may live?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

homesick

The world is too big 
For the both of us,
One of us has got to go-
You are no friend of mine...
I ask for an egg
And you give me a snake!
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
You take give & take away
Like a stingy, little child;
Mother Earth, you've stolen
The near and dear to me-
May Heaven rebuke you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

reconciliation

Beyond the crossroads,
Where it's too late to turn-
It's just a one way street;
There is no going back...
All you can do is keep going,
You must go that extra mile-
If you wanna make up for
Mistakes in people's minds...
But where does its end begin?
When there is nowhere else
To go, but where you are at.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

peacekeeper

One suffers for maturity-
For the mark of an achiever
Is always made in stride,
Character is determined 
By fortitude in the fight;
A dog that's been kicked
Will either run, or bite you!
Yet, one who endures insult,
Is a dam that stills the torrent.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

roadkill

Love has fled,
I do not know its fervor-
A bird that once soared free
Has come to roost inwardly,
As buzzards pick at the heart.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

empty spaces

Empty spaces
Where friends once stood-
Some taken by mortality,
Others gone by choice;
The world is filled with spaces,
Some bigger than others-
What to do with all of them,
I can't ever fill them again?
Not with the same amount!
People will come and go
And create even more space;
I guess the logical thing to do
Is quit worrying about mine,
And help take up someone else's.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

time takes time

Some worship yesterday 
Like tomorrow's never coming,
They can't let go of the past-
I find myself among them;
When tomorrow does come,
Not satisfied, we look to today
And relive to remedy mistakes
Tomorrow soon takes care of...
But blindsided by anxiousness,
We step inside the shoes of time
Instead of letting time pace itself.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

runaway train

Time running down-
Miles ahead of nowhere
And nowhere else to go,
Futilely finds itself useful;
Hold on, and you drown...
Surrender to the tide
And life will find you-
Arise, oh deadman,
Your shadow wanders
Like a runaway train
In search for itself;
Found, yet inwardly lost.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

radical love

A diadem of death
Pressed upon the Crown of Life,
Limbs impaled, raw red meat-
Pain unimaginable,
Yet endured with a radical love;
Blood spilled like communion
Wine that we take for granted!
Incomprehensible,
To forgive your murderers
Then offer them eternal life...
"This man truly was the Son of God."

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

false god

Two eyes, my own-
They see, yet they project 
Only a fraction of the truth;
For I am naked inside,
Yet inside you cannot go...
A clean, pristine cup outside
Filled with treasured sewage, 
I am mankind at his best-
The pinnacle of pride
That bears witness to himself;
Who can condemn me?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

sweet uncertainty

Staying in one place 
Is merely an illusion-
For sure as sand
Slips through one's 
Tightly held fist,
Perpetuity is elusive...
Though a trusted friend,
Life has your number-
Its only offered comfort
Is its sweet uncertainty;
Old seasons pass on
And are easily forgotten,
While the here & now
Try to fool themselves,
By staying in one place.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Another road to travel

It's been 2 years since they literally detached my left leg, and put it back together again. You would think it would be totally healed by now, but it hurts constantly, swells regularly, and somedays, its a challenge to walk. Still, I dont take any pain meds, I've learned to deal with it. Reality is slowly sinking in, however, at almost 61, I'll probably be in a wheelchair in less than a decade or so. Life never promises you anything, you just except your lot, and trust that God knows best. I give glory to God that I'm exceedingly blessed as a handicapped person, and without him, I would never have been able to walk at all. I've never felt sorry for myself (my wife might beg to differ), and have always tried to go the extra mile to prove myself; but I find myself now at God's mercy, and that's probably where I need to be for my spiritual growth. I finally find myself at a point of helplessness. But I am not going to get depressed about it, it's just another road to walk (to use a pun). All of us are slowing down with age, some faster than others; some reading this are in worse shape than myself... I pray that God gives you peace and endurance, and the knowledge that despite everything, he is in control.

The Grace Of Grace

It's a little known historical fact the protestant reformer, Martin Luther suffered from chronic constipation, yet did most of his best writing on the privy. Luther, the proponent of pure grace demonstrated that God can still use a person, even if he IS full of crap. He drank consistently, and was ill tempered. Many of the hymns we sing in church today that he "composed," were actually tunes barrowed from beer halls of his day. But without his input, we would still be captive to the idea that sainthood was performance driven, and not dependent totally on what Christ had done for us alone. Remember, in the old testament, God used a donkey to speak a rebuke. If God can use a donkey, surely he can use any horses ass for His purposes.

oops...

When they brought the prostitute before Jesus, demanding that she be stoned, he sighed and said, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone," and began writing in the dirt. Now, I propose that what he said alone was not enough to make them turn away. I think he reiterated his point when he wrote in the sand, the names of, and the times and dates, when each one of them patronized her profession. Just a thought...

lost ships

When the pain is all you have

From a very beautiful memory,

You jealously harbor it like a once lost ship-

Stolen moments from otherwise peaceful

Waters, are snippets of ambivalent joy

That the heart truly lives to die for;

For when we love, we often give up

Happiness, in exchange for a misery

That exceeds all possible joy.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

fear of fears

Finally standing still,
There's nowhere else to run-
Here I am, fear of fears,
Do with me as you will!
Oh, I know you so well-
I've heard your song of thunder;
I've danced to it many times,
But it's never seemed to rain-
So unless there comes a flood,
You cannot harm me...
If I don't fear you.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

nowhere home

Nowhere home
In the places dwelled,
Stones cast upon each door;
Words of the heart
Are as useful as postcards 
Kindly saying goodbye,
Yet leaving no return address-
Nowhere home
In the heart of hearts,
The stone that rolled is lodged;
Roadmaps to the heart
Are a dime for a dozen,
When told that you belong
But yet, you know not where.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsle

a fist full of water

Running nowhere fast
My heart is slow to beat,
Like a drum without a cadence-
Yet you can't start a raging fire
With a fist full of water;
Some things require passion...
Or flickers will fade into the sky,
And all hope, but a question "why?"
The dust of time will gather slow,
As the moths of morrow will flutter by.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

wanting out

Behind this familiar face
Stands the anything but familiar,
The antithesis of who you may know-
Someone inside me, wanting out!
Though you know him not,
You are very well acquainted;
The person you notice the least
Is exactly like the one inside of you-
A child wandering through years
Of toil & tears, wanting out...
Though there's not a door to be opened
That he will see the light of day,
For laughter is his mighty fortress-
And inside, he knows he must stay.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

congratulations

I have a very good friend that lives in London named, Rashid. He is a musician/songwriter, and his band, Project Leavesden, has recently signed onto the Organic Records label. I've known Rashid for 18 years now after he stumbled onto my website, and contacted me. I am honored by him recently telling me that he initially became inspired to write music and lyrics, after reading the lyrics to some of my songs. I am truly proud of him, and am letting you all know his first album will be released on May 11th, and available on iTunes, Amazon, Google, and everywhere else.

mine own enemy

In all of my failings in life, I have learned that God does not expect perfection, but a diligently, contrite heart, and the willingness to start anew. Where I fail, his grace is sufficient. Where I am weak, if I seek him, He is strong in me. I tend to get caught up in legalism and beat myself up, and forget the price he paid for my mistakes. This only exacerbates the problem, by making me too ashamed to come to God for forgiveness, and prolongs the period of separation from the full realization of his grace. Sometimes the enemy is more your own flesh and blood, tempered by a performance driven mindset, rather than Satan, who you know is your enemy.

????

Everyone has the answer,
Which begs a bigger question-
If the answer varies vicariously,
Why even bother to question at all?
Surely the answer is bigger
Than the questions in question,
And only silence can answer
What is questioned silently;
We absolutely don't understand
What we can't begin to know-
So how do we even know
We're sure in our un-understanding?
Any questions?

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

three major religions

Contrary to modern belief, Gautama Buddha did not set out to start a religion. Son of a prestigious civil servant, he decided not to follow suit in his father's illustrious career, and chose instead to set out on a life long search for wisdom. Buddhism was not initially a theistic philosophy, yet a way to attain Nirvana, or a place of selflessness. Buddha never claimed divinity, though it is attributed to him by many devotees today. Of all the great world religions, only Jesus Christ and the Hindu lord, Krishna, themselves, claimed to be God. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna is quoted as saying, "I am the father of this universe, the mother, the grand sire, the thing to be known, the purifier. I am the Onkar and I am samved, Yajurveda and Rigveda." Christ, who singularly is historically validated to have truly existed, and had been crucified, referred to himself as God's only son, and alluded to be God in the flesh. Hinduism's main avenue to heaven is by way of reincarnation, and the working off of karma through ions of lifetimes. Christianity, though no less emphasis on righteous living, its mainstay is totally dependent on the person of Christ himself, and his life's sacrifice on behalf of the believers misgivings. In essence, grace is the crux of salvation. This seems an easy out and simplistic, but requires the believer to die to himself so that Christ may reign in him as his Lord, his King, and his God. Hinduism is totally based on the hope that throughout each reincarnation, the believer will progress, rather than regress. Why bother, Christ has done it all for you, and all you have to do is believe him like a child. Believing like a child takes courage, because it requires you to believe blindly. Faith is things not seen but hoped for. To surrender and admit you are lost, and can't depend on yourself to be saved, is to be that much closer to the reaching hand, that has been reaching for you all of your life.

a stranger i once knew

Almost effortless,
A persistent remembrance-
In the beating of my heart
You will resonate with permanence-
You will never know,
Nor fully ever grasp-
The kindness given to me
When you touched my hand but once;
Sweet child of God,
I will always love you so much-
Though life hasn't always been perfect...
You passed through, at the perfect time.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

pyromaniac

Forever dowsing out fires

These hands have sparked,

Pyromania is my nature-

When does it ever end?

I cry, with a tongue on fire,

But a heart that won't burn...

Please change its beating

To a resounding surrender!

Your grace is sufficient,

Yet I can't live like this...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

allergies

I am allergic to myself-

Whenever I get close

To my true inner being,

I am totally repulsed;

I don't have the strength

To change my heart...

Trapped in my own mind,

Life has become antithetical-

I am a very dead man!

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley 

 

the hand that blinds

Seeds of promise,
Youth scattered on the soil-
Lean & green, the sheen
Of all those wasted tears...
What I'd give for an ounce
Of yesterday's trivial woes;
Naivety is a gift from God,
Though the young know
Not the hand that blinds-
As the days darken once 
Greeting the aging light,
Likewise, a strange peace 
Whiles the withering days...

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Finding Freedom

Insurmountable walls

Built with the hands of fear,

Can only crumble once faced-

For only with the eyes of boldness,

One can penetrate the barriers

mounted by years of self-defeat;

Yet freedom lies not in simply

Turning a key to a door,

But the gumption to knock down

The damned walls.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

 

Fighting the enemy

Twice looking back,
A perspective divided-
Things I cannot change 
Have had their final say,
Yet finality is a fickle friend;
The odds may mightily roar,
Though the lion is still asleep...
And it is I that must wake him.
(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

forever shadowed

A shadow cast upon my heart-

Silhouetted tear drops bear

Each-and-every thought of her,

Never to be forgotten;

Sweet memories that non can take

From this cherished wound…

Love that was and is,

Will always shadow my life-

For the woman I so dearly love.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

 

who am i?

How many selves to choose from,

I don’t like but a minimal few-

Yet, I am who I least desire to be

Most of my working, waking hour!

I don’t know who that I am,

But I’ll be what you expect of me;

Yes, I know that person well!

He is agreeable, amiable, & insecure-

Not the guttersnipe within

Who begs to steal the show…

(C) 2019 by Sc0tt Endsley

fallen

In the absence of the one that stirs my soul

I am hopelessly withering like a fallen leaf-

Torn and tattered in the winter’s grip,

Life is not worth living any longer…

I am merely yesterday’s useless foliage

Waiting to be turned back into the dust;

Words cannot adequate the pain,

How I wish you were with me.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

empty garden

So long ago

My heart was filled with such joy-

Love came so close,

Yet crumpled as easily as a flower;

Petals of promise scattered

In the winds of fate,

Nevermore to be held or cherished…

My heart is now empty & cold

Where nothing can flower again.

 

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

mediocrity

Mediocrity bites at my heel-
Shaded walls of limitation
Encircle my befuddled mind,
Leaving me with stale words;
Like teeth, it gnaws on nerve,
And tears at my pride...
Human, an excuse for failure-
So many times I've drank
From that forbidden cup;
But the Sun has cast its shadow
Upon the golden calf of supinity-
And I am no more a victim of ease.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

shadow wars

Awakened,
My life in fetters-
The sharp prod of truth
In my own angry hand;
My worst enemy,
My most beloved friend-
How distant the familiar,
When love becomes
A stranger to the heart.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Water boy

Fathered by sorrows

Inside a womb of pain,

All that I’ve ever loved

Have broken and forsaken me;

The heartless rule with iron

In a world set apart…

How fortunate the loved,

Their cups never go to the dregs;

For fools such as I gladly

Fill them beyond the brim.

(C) 2019 by Scott Endsley

Christmas 1964

I remember Christmas of 1964 as if it were yesterday. Having become a Beatle maniac at 5 years old after seeing them on The Ed Sullivan Show, and my parents, that summer, taking me and my brother to see, " A Hard Day's Night," at the drive in theater; I begged my parents to put pressure on the jolly old bearded guy to get them to come visit me on Christmas morning. My mom swore she'd give it her best effort. Christmas morning came and I was disappointed to discover a note taped to the television explaining that the chaps were busy on tour, but wished me well. Under the tree was a toy replica, Beatle's drumset (of course autographed by Ringo, eh hmm) which I had successfully destroyed by noon, as the heads were made of cardboard. But the best present of all was their debut album, "Meet The Beatles" which I played and played throughout the years ahead. Now here is the sad ending to my little Christmas story: Had I taken immaculate care of that album, and had I still had it to this day, it would have been worth a LOT of money. But, one day, needing some quick cash for groceries, I sold my entire vinyl Beatle collection for a mere $75, on Christmas eve of 1985. I know, I know, just let it be...

love unimaginable

Somewhere, beyond the sky,

Time has no measure…

Distant dreams are a reality,

And pain, a forgotten memory;

Love unimaginable-

Grace, a fount of plenty

For the weary soul, now refreshed;

For the one who kept you

Through every step of your life,

Is now the lover of your soul.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Thought of You

When there's nowhere else to go
I have peace in the thought of you,
Where I once found shelter...
I never fell into your loving breast,
Nor received your warm embrace-
Yet your voice touched my soul,
And reassured me that tomorrow 
Would always be there for me...
Your eyes gave me a reason 
To want to go and be there.
(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

wallowing in woes

I watch the world pass,
A world I have never won-
I fight for every fiber 
Of that which sustains me,
Yet loneliness has become
My fatal, Achilles heel;
Wallowing in woe & death,
I live to suffer to no end...
Submit to silly laughter 
Oh, vainglorious self pity-
For tears are as useless
As the need for tears.
(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

 

odd bird

My wife thinks I'm an odd bird because when I watch TV, I just 'watch' TV, and never turn the sound up. I feel I can use my imagination, and make up the dialogue as I go- in my head. When watching sports, I don't have to listen to the commentators state the redundant, and obvious conclusion, "DID YOU SEE THAT? HE CAUGHT THE BALL!" Geico commercials on the silent screen surpass in hilarity! MTV videos magically reveal just how little music really matters, as opposed to sex appeal. And as far as the news is concerned, I bypass all the opinionated commentary, and get the general gist of whats happening, without being told what to think. After all, isn't that rectangular wasted space on the wall, in fact called a TEL-A- VISION? So yes, I am an odd bird; I refuse to be a trained parrot. To think how many days of my life I've wasted on the great wateland of the mind, disgusts me. I don't mean to sound like a prude but to advise a bit of prudence. Just think how much better the world would be if we turned the boob tube off, stopped needing to be entertained, and actually lived among each other as a community, helping one another instead.

herd mentality

Those that adhere to the 'herd mentality' are faithfully following a bellwether; basically a useless, neutered goat. But that's not the sad part, the sad part is he's smarter than the sheep that are following him. There's a lot of bellwethers in this world, and they can lead you right off of a cliff. God gave you a mind to think critically, and to ask questions with. How else will you find the real truth FOR YOURSELF. There is no intermediary between you and Christ.

cruel teacher

Words can never set me free,
As I'm locked forever in your absence-
So why do I bother? I know I will never 
Be with you again, my sweetest friend-
Time is a cruel, and impatient teacher:
She expects me to buck up, & forget you
But I'm slow at unlearning that I love you.

 (C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

only now

Forgive me, Friend-

For I did not know how to love,

I only wanted to be loved;

I wish you peace & God’s love,

For His is Sufficient for you…

My heart has been corrected,

Only now, can I truly love you…

Please take care.

 

 

all my friends are dead

So here I am,

All but the curtain call-

Nothing left…

Walking the razor’s edge

Blindfolded, with a smile;

Fall into my arms

Oh, sweet oblivion…

With a kiss, I give you

All the years of wonder.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

ain't it a fine day?

Sitting on forever,

Watching my beard grow-

Time is my footstool…

Nothing but a passing thought

In my rear-view mirror;

I’m steered towards tomorrow,

But today, I’m flat broke-

Got holes in my attention

And all my interest is gone;

Ain’t it a fine day, when time

Is all you got left to stand on?

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

in that moment

Caught in the web of my mind,

I made passionate love to you

In the absence of your dissent-

The sweet taste of your longed-for lips

As your hair fell-down from heaven;

Entwined in a bed of fire,

We loved until the moon howled!

You were mine in that moment,

Then you introduced yourself.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

 

 

fishing for words

I fish so deep, but little do I reap,

Words are like catching perch without tryin-

As the big ones always get away…

When I try to write, they nibble & bite,

And then I get hung up on a line-

It’s the same old thing, everyday…

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

effortless

I’ve held you a thousand-fold

In reveries all over time given-

Would I live to know your touch?

Silence, a conclusion drawn

From a well of wishful thinking;

Love was never to be mine,

Though truth speaks kindly of you:

Loving you is just as effortless

As the hand of friendship

You never gave to me.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

bed of bitterness

Whispered softly the pangs of prime,

Bearing remembrance of burning embers-

Cold now is the heart of brokenness,

Immense, the vacuity where desire tarried;

Hollow are the eyes of the dead man

Who lives to regain his embittered soul,

And is reborn to kill any thread of hope

That is left to sew a blanket of remorse.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Reassurances

Remembering the afternoon that my mother passed from this life into eternity, a year and a half ago, there is no doubt in my mind that she left us a message when she crossed over: my wife, and my moms friend, were at her bedside when she died; as soon as her heartbeat ceased, my mother's cellphone rang her friend's phone in the room. Startled, my wife, Lynda, tried to shut it off, but it would not stop. It would have been just like my mom to do such a thing, in the afterlife, to let us know everything was A-OK... How presumptuous, right? Well, the night my father died 8 years ago, my atomic wall clock stopped at exactly 12am. Okay, a coincidence. Then May 24th that year, on what would have been his birthday, the same thing happened. Both my wife and I thought it strange. Then on June 24th, on what would have been my parents 60th anniversary, the same thing occurred again! We're not superstitious, but my wife and I take these little reassurances, from mom & dad, or God, to mean that Heaven is now that much richer with two pranksters there.

Life is...

I love Russian Literature from the 1800's. Dostoevsky and Tolstoy are my favorites. Books usually 600 pages or so full of deep, miserable pain. And just when you think its gonna get happy, the protagonist dies a horrible death. Dickens was similar in that vain as well, all his stories are about the bleakness of nineteenth century England. These historic works of fiction should be a reminder to us all how fortunate we are to live so carefree. Dickens, Dostoevsky, and Tolstoy were not morbid writers, their stories amid suffering showcased great faith by the people of the day, who basically had no more than that. Death was just a part of life to them. Consumption, or tuberculosis, took many people at a young age then. Modern movies today often end with the protagonist winning it all; to have anything but, would be a disaster at the box office. We have a need to read and go see fairytales, we don't want to know that life is temporary and fleeting. We worship undeserving icons who coddle us with entertainment, and insulate us from anything that discomforts us. I don't wish to live back then, but people of old knew that life was precious and short, they didn't have time for some of the foolishness of our day. When I read the classics, I'm overwhelmed by the richness in such poverty; the joy in such deep sorrow. Suffering is a chisel that removes all but true character, learn to see it as a wonderful tool in life. If we were always happy, we would never even realize it.

sweet river of delight

Nothing’s gonna break my fall-

I’m headfirst, fast approaching,

With every thought of loving you…

Your open arms, my safe harbor

From the storm of unforgiveness-

This world is your antithesis,

Let me live forever in your bosom;

Sweet river of delight flow evermore,

Drown me in my lover’s elation.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

DE TROP

Heart of mine,

At what degree does boldness feign?

You proceed as if a sauntering panther,

Yet you beg like a famished mongrel-

You dangle shamelessly from the sleeve

For all the world to see as you really are;

Tethered is the man, the child unfettered,

It’s a wonder your tendency isn’t pure babble.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Nightmare

The horse of many different colors,

A steed of the subtle subconscious

That hurdles guarded barricades-

Dare to tame her, and she will buck!

Caught in her reigns inside of a doze,

She will drag you through the excremental

Residue of your psyche, then retreat;

All inside of a flicker of fading time

You reason that all is well and good,

As shadows sneak back into the light.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Wrapped within her soul

The love of her is my pulse,

She, like no other, stings my heart-

Woman of my most inborn desires,

She is spring on a cold winter’s day;

Wrapped within her soul, I am freed,

While the world rattles its chains…

The sweet touch upon her lips,

A sensation only to be imagined-

Consumes in entirety my thirst for life;

A thousand deaths I would die

For the essence of her passion.

 

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Shoes

We judge by the shoes we comfortably walk in

Without considering the "soles" of others;

Misguided tongues often lead our stuttered steps-

Steel tipped boots that are laced to kill at will

While we twostep our way in the name of togetherness…

Shoes come in all different colors and sizes,

But don’t step on the toes of those can’t afford them-

Lest you want to feel like a complete heel.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Glory Days

When I was in choir in high school, I met up with lifelong friend, Bryan Boyd, a fellow musician & songwriter. We got together and made some incredible music and harmony. Mrs Bridges, the choir teacher, caught wind of our burgeoning talent, and asked us to sing, "The Boxer," by Simon & Garfunkel for an upcoming choir concert, for the student body. Mind you, I was quite mischievous in those days, and was familiar with the references to "the whores on 7th Avenue," in the song, and was thrilled at the opportunity to sing it. Bryan, on the other hand, upon listening to the song, adamantly refused. So we had to tell Mrs Bridges the bad news. She would not believe it no matter what, I had to bring a copy of the record for her to listen to; and what happened then? We almost got sent to principals office for not telling her sooner. I have fond memories of Sarah Bridges, and loved her dearly; but the likes of Bryan and I just couldn't resist causing her angst. One day, Bryan and I took some pencil shavings, and rolled them in paper, and fashioned it into what looked like a joint. I dared Bryan to tell her he found it on the floor. He had said no more than, "Mrs Bridges, looky what I found," shoved it under her nose as she let out a horrid scream, while her coffee cup showered the front row of the risers. Forward now to 30 something years later, I met up with her at a high school class reunion. I was astonished to hear the words, "You and Bryan were great kids, and I'm very proud of you both." I was greatly taken aback. I guess some teachers can see through the hell you gave them, and still see the potential in you. Mrs Bridges, wherever you are, you are greatly appreciated and loved.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What Matters Most

The river runs dry so often
From drinking it on your knees,
But peace sometimes finds a way 
At the strangest point of juncture;
So many times I've cried out,
Not hearing the voice of God,
While tears of insignificance 
Stream down my forgotten face-
The world is cold and unforgiving;
Yet the innocent words of a child,
"You are so cool, Grampa,"
Are more than all I've ever asked for.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Exit Doors

Seeing double through
A kaleidoscope of emotions,
I am both lost & found...
While revisiting the entrance 
Of things that used to matter,
I see myself a disillusioned 
Child of learned Propensity;
I am who I am by suggestion;
Yet, self-will requires entering
That ever elusive exit door,
And never looking back again.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Thankfulness

Thankfulness 
Can be realized
In the lack of hunger...
The joy of wealth...
And very few tears...
Yet thankful also are many
Whose personal pain 
Has changed their lives,
For the better...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Netted Butterflies

Sketches in my mind
Both vivid and vague,
Times of bittersweet...
Like netted butterflies 
Of an elusive past,
Once caught & catalogued;
And putting into words
Their florid design,
I then set them free.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Circus Parade

I won't be in your
Circus parade,
A freak I am not-
You've had your say
Right up until now,
Pulling my strings
And playing mime;
But I now glory in
Newly broken shards;
A mirror shattered
And done with...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Rekindled

I've buried it all,
Never to haunt again-
The face of dawn
Smiles reassuringly...
Scars that won't heal
Must be cauterized-
Wasted years on fears
That were bestowed,
Never at my asking;
Dead to me in finality, 
I choose to live again.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

I Reside In Your Eyes

You are my home-
I reside in your eyes,
And live for your
Silly laughter...
You are my sanctuary-
I rest in your arms,
And find assurance 
In your love...
You are my best friend-
I've found no one
Who compares with you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hibernation

Turning inward,
Neon winter fades-
Cracked crystal ice 
Shields the fortress;
In a womb of fire
Lies an effigy...
Burn though it will,
Time tends to awaken 
A sleeping bear;
His name is Truth.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Turning Doors

For every idle word 
Aforesaid in redundancy,
Novel seems there cadence;
Life is full of turning doors-
Yet the mind interprets
Each exit as unfamiliar...
Simply separated good & bad,
Everything else is apropos- 
Yet nothing is predictable 
But the day to day weather-
But even that is partly cloudy...
We fail to see life is cyclical 
Through our linear lenses.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Chirp, Chirp

The sky is a ladder-
Enigmatic celestial steps 
For the eyes to ascend...
While some reach for its limits,
Others, for the perfect pie;
A bird will tell you
It's precipitously just 
A natural undercurrent,
That palpitates it pinions...
Smart one, that bird.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Buddy, James

We were just coming of age
In an adolescent 1970s-
Old town north was our playground;
Like minded from the get go,
We clicked like a Polaroid!
Your family became blood to me,
Your mom second to my own...
Laughter sailed our creative ship
Upon the waves of adversity,
Music was our salvation;
The years have come & gone,
And yet we still are best of friends- 
50 years of laughter & tears,
It's about time that I tell you
That I love you, buddy.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Vita Nova

Naked, we are born,
Brutally primal...
Cries of want, innate;
We are all mere sponges
In a sea of desires;
Greed indeed within
The seed of conception...
None are pure of heart;
Perfection was rejected,
Tried, and crucified,
Much like all deserve-
But blood, the giver of life,
Was shed for the asking;
And perfect love, victorious!
Clothed anew in his grace,
We are given never to die.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Lynda

California girl,
Blonde nymph in dashiki-
Puerile love on my part;
You pierced my heart
And there you remained forever...
Yet you ran from me
Until you caught me!
Love is more than a feeling,
It is my whole life to give you-
Thank you, my love,
For 42 years of friendship
That transcends our flesh;
You are intagral to my completion.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Written on November 10, 2018

100 years ago tomorrow, civility finally concluded, "the war to end all wars." Since then, 46 million more people around the world have died in military conflicts. In fact, WW1 was merely the precursor to WW2. WW2 was merely the precursor to "the cold war," which included the Vietnam war, and many other bloody conflicts in Central & South America. This was merely the precursor to "the arms race," which successfully brought the Berlin wall down, to the world's rejoicing. This brought about "the new world order," which was a guise for global destabilization as it existed, and a broad reach toward globalism by the elites. This was superseded by 911, a horrific act which resulted in the restrictions of personal freedoms all over the world. The war to end all wars never ended, it has slowly progressed, at the cost of millions of lives, to the advantage of the elites. I love my country and salute those who have proudly served, among them my father; but acknowledge what those in high places have, & have not done. Hitler would have never gotten off of the ground without the aid of Standard Oil Corp. Castro would not have been a problem had we not put him there in the first place. And the holocaust could have been avoided, if Roosevelt had agreed to an offer from Hitler to move the many Jews to the largely then, unpopulated western states. Yes, we've made many mistakes, some were not mistakes, however. Granted, war is sometimes a neccessary evil, but as longs it is profitable, war will never end.

Advocate

May you always
Find peace amidst a storm-
Love just when your
Heart seems unappreciated-
And strength against 
This ever pressing world;
Know that you will
Always have an advocate
Who will carry you in prayer,
And be with you in spirit.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

 

The Choice

I have taken bitter blows in life
And exhausted many laments -
But time waits for no one,
Why must I lose it in sorrow?
I choose if I am wounded-
No, you may not rob me of my joy!
I will leap outside of the circle
I have drawn myself into,
And look beyond fiery darts;
Tears have a purpose,
They're not meant to drown in.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

From Death To Life

Winter awakens,
The living dead of all cyclical 
Viability stills the earth-
The return of the full circle...
He robs the foliage of colors
And leaves their frame skeletal-
His fury demands respect,
And like that of an old liege
Respect is paid him well,
Yet a vernal scion is at hand
That soon usurps his reign;
And winter dies again for a time...
But unlike our understanding,
Death brings about new life;
Likewise we are synonymous 
To the cycle of the seasons-
Surely life supersedes death.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Fighter

Weathered, yet standing,
A mountain of determination-
The soul of a fighter
Cannot be restrained within;
He either gives up and dies,
Or he bleeds for another day!
Were it of ease to just press on,
The fighter would become complacent-
He envisions all obstacles 
As another opportunity to progress,
And all pain as a chance to learn-
But he lives in need of those
Who, like him, battle conflict-
For without them, the fight is futile;
This is what it is to be human.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Metamorphic Antipode

Once a butterfly,
Wings now torn and battered-
Life, the adversary to living
Has dealt the bitter blow;
Retreat! All is a losing battle!
I have no use for them now,
Cut off the pinions of freedom
And let me withdraw within-
Worm that I have now become,
Let me rot in my cocoon.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

It Still Hurts

The void that pains deeply-
This unseen dagger
Lodged into my heart;
Years of tears amid the fears
That you'll forever hate me...
Things I did not do
Will evermore live in your mind,
While I live in the helplessness 
Of my own repetitive alibis...
The end has long past,
And what's dead is dead;
Yet you'll live in my heart always,
As the friend I could have had.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hands

A hand-
It can do much destruction...
With a pen in its hold,
It can wield from one nation
A sword of death upon another;
While it can labor in numbers
In building highways and byways
That interconnect the world,
Bringing all people together...
Yet one hand in another,
Between a man and a woman,
Is the beginning of all things.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Facing Fear

Counterfeit faces of reality 
Engage me in a stare down-
Everyday they write a page
In the book of life's fears;
The 'what ifs,' that multi headed 
Beast of my imagination,
That knows me like no other enemy-
Standing like a sure goliath,
And I but a pebble, & rubberband;
Yet, I blink not! I'll face this day
As though trustingly blind,
And watch its ugly head roll
Much like a very harmless toy.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Falling

Festered deep within, 
Yet shielded, farcical & false- 
Stained with shame, 
Like useless vellum parchment; 
Every face has a past... 
But freedom lies in knowing 
That none are seraphic; 
Lower than the angels, 
We often fall with the ease 
Of a leaf in October- 
While the hand of grace 
Awaits us on the ground.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Cat Barks

My cat is a dog,
Or at least she thinks-
None can tell her differently;
She won't use the box,
But instead, the sidewalks-
Or sometimes, an unsuspecting tree;
If you tell her she's not,
She'll claw with a swat-
And you're libel to get bit too;
So forgive her if she barks,
And retaliates with remarks-
Such as, "oh, you little shih tzu!!!"

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Coming Full Circle

Words I once so needed to hear, 
My heart has found assurance- 
For none hold a key to happiness 
But me, if it is to find endurance.

Despair, once a friend that lingered, 
Made house and home of mind- 
And dread was the bed in which I laid, 
While it devoured all that it dined.

Slowly the light dawned in the dark, 
And revealed my dire circumstance- 
My life was death in subtleness, 
And I was merely its slowdance.

Coming full circle from death back to life, 
My eyes have found but what its true- 
This world is definitely not your friend, 
And it only takes you, to love you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Salivation

Yesterday on my tongue,
A taste I can't rid myself-
Trying to replace it with
So many flavors of life;
A time that meant so much,
Yet meant so much pain...
Love that is lost forever
Never ceases to find me,
No matter what happiness 
My heart may to hide in;
Satiated though I am
By the fount of goodness,
I pang from hunger.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Pardon Me

Bullets fired in the dark,
Don't take them personally-
They're just words vented...
Not aimed or directed,
They're simply tongue missles 
Meant to implode on impact-
Casualties are unintended;
I'm just a prisoner of my
Own internal warfare,
And sometimes you are
Simply collateral damage.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Border Of Uncertainty

Colors fade into reality-
Were it not for the pain,
Purpose would surely falter;
I'd die a million deaths again
To live where I once believed
I knew all the answers...
On the border of uncertainty,
There's a knowing tomorrow 
Holds more tears, more joy-
Yet I know not their time;
Seasons play like children
Without a care in the world-
And I, like a worried parent.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Passage

In my loneliness,
I found a locked door-
I had not a key,
And could not open it;
I felt myself trapped...
No one could hear me
As I called out to them-
Twas caged as a wild bird;
Silence became my friend,
And we spoke often...
He taught me many things:
The world outside
Was just as lonely as I,
And it was up to me
To make a difference in it;
Twas then that 
The door came ajar...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Looking Back

A faded mile,
A road traversed 
Has forgotten me-
Things change, 
And I cannot change it;
Time friends no one,
But those that lose 
Sight of her...
How blessed the blind
In their workaday lives;
Rose colored, their eyes.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

With Former Eyes

Unrelenting, I will 
Fight the good fight-
With my back against 
The formidable wall,
I will prove my worth!
Blind though I may be,
I will climb mountains 
You have not yet seen;
There is only room in
Here for brute strength-
How dare you to think
That I am in your need.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Better Place

So constantly 
The beckoning sea
Of tranquility, 
Calls out to me-
Life after life,
In a better place
I wish to live free;
No where to hide
In this world wide,
Peace is a fantasy...
But soon someday,
I'll depart this affray-
And find life anew,
As promised me.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

When Something's Amiss

When all that you've longed for
Is long forgotten- 
The pain of knowing 
Something's amiss reverberates 
In it's absence...
Sadly life fades into a crescendo 
Of emotional concavity;
A broken heart is often hidden
Within a vulnerable smile,
Yet eyes are terrible liars.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Forego The Feud

What matters
Does not matter, 
Deny the emotions 
That beg at your door- 
Like water off a duck, 
You'll soon recover 
And wing to oblivion; 
You've one vulnerable 
And delicate heart- 
Take care not to bleed 
When others wound, 
For blood never satiates.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Acerbic Banter

Fairytales & moonbeams 
Are all that glimmers shadows-
While false hopes dress up 
In promissory garb,
I grasp the rosary of doubt 
In complete reverence, 
Knowing that fate resides 
In the divine providence 
Of happenstance... 
For nothing escapes the eye 
Of the watchful hand of laxity.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Against all odds

Cause will never replicate 
What could have been-
Passing windows along
Hope's distant promises
Remain locked and sealed;
Chance is an inversion
Of the reality of fate...
Alas, all seems dismal;
Yet my heart is a believer.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Much To Question

Chances are-
Time has unraveled 
The golden rose-
A faceless dream
That taunted my heart;
Ruse that it was,
My mind owes much-
Howbeit the sky was blue
And yet I saw the stars?

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Inspite Of Everything

My mind wanders so much
It's a wonder it stays in my head-
I'll have to ask three times
What twice has been said.

I confess, I'm getting old and grey,
And I'm getting hard of hearing-
My mind isn't as quick as it once was,
And thoughts keep on disappearing.

Yes, getting old really does suck,
And what I'd do to get it all back-
But hey, my optometrist just told me
I have a brand new 'Cadillac!'

(C) 2018 BY Scott Endsley

A Mere Reminder

Rise up 
And regather your bones,
Death has not yet come-
The fields are ripe with battles,
And you have yet to be tested;
The blood on your brow
Is but a mere reminder-
That life is not for the fainthearted,
But for those who relish a fight.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Looking Back On Youth

Wasted wine-
Years spent on a dime
Kissing shadows that faded;
Were it not for lucidity 
Surely the heart would falter...
Life spoke in black and white,
Yet I often colored my dreams,
Dreams that often slumbered;
But now the days are like a vintage,
And savory are their sapidity.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Once Found

When nothing else matters,
The world only has one face-
As it is all encompassing;
A face like no other face,
It is all that you envision
While all other faces are illusory;
Yet hope resides in this countenance.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What Remains

Something that remains 
Will never sever from within,
Time will not shake it-
Ingrained in permanence,
It is always yours-
In spirit, I will watch over you,
Not a day escapes 
Without a prayer for you;
Our lives did not cross
Without a purpose.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Just As Blue

There will never come a day
When my eyes fail to tear-
For even if the sky is clear,
I am just as blue...
A heart that is broken
Is like a glass half full-
You can try and fool yourself,
But it is, after all, just as empty;
Maybe tomorrow the sun
Will shine brighter than today...
At least then the rain might 
Just be a little bit warmer.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Futility Of a Falsehood

Time tells the truth
In her own chosen time-
Though darkness rules the night,
It cowers at the sight of dawn;
Falsity is always shortlived-
For as long as it takes
To conjure up a lie,
The truth is already set in motion;
And soon rears its ugly head.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

What You Treasure

Some things never die,
They just have a life of their own-
You can't put it them out like fire...
But like fire, they consume you
Till they are all that you live for;
For life is otherwise meaningless...
Thus few ever live until they find
Something worth dying for.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Weathered Love

One love, a world apart;
Though congruent,
Time has withered 
What was bound together-
A wedge between them
In the shape of absence,
Like two ships at sea
Lost in the same waters...
Distant voices in the mist
Falling on ears of indifference,
Kindred of melting snow.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Good Intentions

The heart is a cage-
It longs to love
Beyond its confinement;
To be passionately 
Broken and unguarded...
It has the capacity 
To change the world
By giving of itself;
But it's such a hoarder.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Holding On

In your absence
Time is so relevant-
Brief winter days
Of remembrance 
Seemed captured in joy;
Those days were
A mist amidst dearth-
Your face etched
Inside my eyelids,
Impossible to forget;
A mark you left
Upon my heart...
Oh forever friend,
You are so missed!

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Cacophony Of Noise

A cacophony of noise
When I think back in time-
My words collided in emotion,
Like a syncopated rhyme.

A cacophony of noise
In the words that were said-
Never there to be heard,
For the heart feared to tread.

Pride always before the fall
Of that which it destroys-
But kindness speaks louder 
Than a cacophony of noise.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Forever December

Forever December
In a season of grief...
A friendship taken
By a masterful thief-

The winter holds on,
And the days colder-
You remain young,
And I, a little older...

Forever December,
Alas in my mind,
I've never known
A cruelty so kind...

A winter's rose
That faded away,
Colors my heart
A December grey.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Beyond Understanding

Impossible words,
They are all that speak-
No tongue can flatter or praise;
We babble at best bountiful bile,
And blaspheme whom we seek...
Yet the hand of love reaches low,
It does not know to be cautious-
Howbeit broken hearts resist?
Grace abounds beyond understanding;
Peace is in our very midst.

(C) 2018 By Scott Endsley

Life Moves On

The river crossed,
What's done is done-
No looking back
Upon broken ships;
A road traversed 
Is meeting its end,
The sea awaits anew...
A thousand lifetimes 
Is but one day away-
Yet the demise of life
Clings to yesterday.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Your Empty Hands

Your empty hands, so giving...
Yet I took from them all I could;
Intended, but neglected
Were things I should have said,
And the asking face, I could've read-
But the world was too full of me
To let you savor a breadcrumb;
I now dangle from the hand of pride
Over a long and regretful descent...
How I wish for your empty hands
To break my fatal fall.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

On THe Edge Of Reason

I stood on the edge of reason and looked hard and long at madness. What I saw brought me to tears, for I spied a parallel world; a world where all are dying in order just to survive. A place where all exalt Isolation, and worship their own deeds. At the crux of this society, divisiveness is a tool to keep it from really coalescing. The people themselves want it this way for they fear real unity, for nobody wants mob rule! In this society, the leaders there talk doublespeak. For instance, they say they must go to war to "keep the peace," this kind of confusion tends to overwhelm the masses, and makes them compliant to anything they ask. Freethinking there is very costly! It can cause a tax audit, a church expulsion, or a suspension from a university (Where freethinking was once encouraged). Freedom of speech? That depends... If it offends, it's hate speech. Sounds great, but it's a bit ambiguous since we can't tell ahead of time what's going to offend whom; therefore "freedom of speech" has been revised to the "freedom to not be offended." Therefore, it's best to keep one's mouth shut (even this dissertation would be considered dangerous there). Wealth is iconic in this society. Sure, one should earn their daily worth, and be paid well. Your told in one ear, "work hard, and you'll reach the top!" But unless you're a corporate conglomerate, they will keep you down with tax hikes, regulatory compliance that affects your job, and various other ways to keep you outta the echelons of elites. Some miraculously do ascend that ivory tower, and are usually wined and dined. Once there, they have access to just about every politician money can buy. Yet the people in this society have forgotten that THEY THEMSELVES are the government, and assume these "lobby whores" are in real places of "power." As as I looked hard and long into madness, I shook my head, and did an about face again toward reason. As I did, I heard a gasping behind me... of a world where all are dying in order just to survive...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Passing Gaze

'Ive never known eyes so willing-
A friendly acceptance 
Of this broken vessel of tears;
In that brief moment,
You reassured me that the sun
Will always shine, despite the rain...
Your casual smile meant all of the world
In a world of cold indifference;
Of all that is noteworthy in life,
I will always remember you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Sad Remembrance

With eyes half opened,
I wane gently into the deep-
Junctures of a remembrance weave 
The thoughts I so embrace;
Still hanging on while letting go,
I'm like a two headed coin falling on tails...
It was a near miss, my heart still burns
From the heat of the friction-
Love so sweet that it bitters
The palate of promise, 
With the reality that it could never be...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Sheltered Heart

Though the sun
May not always shine,
People will come & go,
Love is yours perpetually-
Etched into my heart
Is your very name;
That unique moniker 
That delights my tongue,
When taken pleasure to say...
So when the earth quakes,
Or the sky breaks,
Know your heart is sheltered;
Mine stands at its watch.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Silently

I saw you there,
At close distance-
A million questions,
But so little time...
Sad that we've
Become strangers 
In such a peculiar way;
Neither one of us
Will forget the other,
As if long time friends...
Yet pride is a buffer
That keeps us distant;
So here we stand, once again...
Silently I cry out to you;
But loudly I can't hear you.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Play Dead

Burning down alters-
Things I used to believe in
Have washed up on shore...
Combustible driftwood-
Though wet, dry as a bone;
People I once put in high places
Have sunk beneath the tide,
With their cannon fodder 
Amist kind words...
But it's alright, just play dead,
The sea takes care of its own.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Nothing Left

There's nothing left,
Close my hand, its gone-
The dream has cast 
Its ugly head unmasked;
Torn as a paper sack,
All that is in me has spilled
Like the guts of a criminal...
My days are numbered 
As though a child's paint book;
Is there not one ray of sun
That's not clouded by hurt?

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Pool Of Beautiful

I fell into a pool of beautiful,
The delight of all that you are-
Such a glance overwhelms
The unguarded, desiring heart...
In that moment you conquered all;
You forever shattered the stone
That held sway in the cold of the night,
And left me baying with fire...
Submerge me deeper, my love,
Deluge me with your very essence.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Slolen Moments

The flicker of fading
From my memory
All that has been
Lost- pieces of
My life gone like
Yesterday's pay;
Left indebted again
To the empty pockets
Of my mind.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Derelict Heart

The derelict heart beats no less, 
Yet has died so long ago- 
It musters a moaning deep inside, 
Where love once used to grow.

Wanting, waiting, but finally fading, 
It shriveled within itself- 
Nothing but one's beautiful touch 
Can nurse it back to health.

But they are long gone, far away, 
And so a question remains, 
A question never to be answered- 
So the heart lays waste and wanes.

How can it be so cruel and callous, 
To flaunt amity, and then take it away? 
My most bitter enemy, life itself, 
Has had its final say.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

A Cruel Pleasure

It was worth the hurt-
The sting of pain, unimaginable,
Yet my nature is quick to forget!
I'd forfeit my contentment
Just to be in her presence again-
The heart must feel anguish,
In order to be noticed...
Why must I listen to it?
Love is a cruel pleasure,
A beautiful rose colored thorn.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

So Alone

A prisoner of disguise,
I am bitterly crying inside-
Fanciful facades of facial fakery,
I am a coloful chameleon;
Unshackled, I am burdening 
And like good wine gone bad...
Still, I must escape these walls...
Someone please see through me.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Placebo

Indifference cuts deeper
Than hatreds blade,
You'll never know
The depths I've bled-
I believed in you when
Faith was only a placebo;
Still I never quite caught
The hem of your shadow...
The friend I needed most
Was no friend at all,
Just a kind stranger
With nothing better to do-
A stranger I loved so much.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

For No One, Really

No need to really say it,
I have read the silence-
The one thing you gave me...
The price paid for folly,
A fool with an empty soul;
My pain is redeemable
If you wish for more,
Just take whatever you need...
Faceless though you are,
My severed heart knew you;
I just can't remember 
Who exactly you were.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Falling Asleep

So softly the night falls
As time slips away-
In a state of perpetuity,
Forever is captured in
A flux of fleeting moments;
World unseen to eyes
Flash like camera bulbs...
Forgotten is the here and now,
Like a train derailed long ago;
Haze creeps like a thief 
But fails to rob you blind,
Until all your pockets are empty-
So sly slumber has found you
Naked and destitute;
wanting of her sheltering arms.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

The Face Of Love

'Ive touched the face of love
Many times as a man,
Felt her fiery fingers grasp
The heart as if it were gasoline-
Consumed with passion, unrelenting...
Her lips were soft to the touch,
They puckered as I fondled them;
They spoke sweet promises...
Yet her eyes were always
Lightyears away from my own;
Elusive and indifferent,
As if we had never met at all...
The face of love, I know it well;
She is my most intimate stranger.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

That's Just The Way It Is

Contours of splendor
Shaded the years gone by-
But the face of dread
Now dons my countenance;
Less of the man I was as a lad,
Pointless is the forward path...
Dead, all but the living-
Trying to find hope in hope,
I cling to old dreams...

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

My Soul Bleeds

Though silent is hope
I cling to impossibility-
A shadow remains,
Albeit distant & dubious;
A fool of fools to believe...
My heart aches with fear
That she is but a memory,
A faded intangible mist-
Asunder, my soul bleeds,
For part of it remains
In the hands of her stead.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Stolen Goods

What words have stolen
Is more precious than all,
Irreplaceable and vital-
One can have abundance,
Yet privation of the heart;
All that is gone is entirety...
Tomorrow mocks me with
False hope's and dreams,
I will go there nonetheless...
Hoping to find stolen goods.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

Hungry Animal

Filling up holes
With empty space,
The heart remains
A hungry animal-
It will never find
Complete satisfaction;
It must be brimming
With a broken spirit-
For once broken open,
Can the heart only be
Filled with substance.

(C) 2018 by Scott C. Endsley

Forgive & Regret

Shades of stupidity,
I've colored them well,
Guilt is my talking magpie...
She sings as I count the years
That time was stolen by her tune;
"Forgive and regret," her jeer-
Oh to kill that cackling windbag!
Yes, to live free of me,
Is for me to be absolutely free;
For if I not only pardon,
But also forget, I can move on.

(C) 2018 by Scott Endsley

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A Selection of 72 Songs

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WINTER

The New Album By Scott Endsley--- the third in a series of a collection of songs from 1977-1996 consisting of 23 new songs--- is available on this site to both listen to in its entirety and to download, on the Free songs page!...

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